Joystick Films Presents.....The Puppeteer

No prob. The nurse is actually my wife. And she was called in cold. I literally called her and said "get down her, you need to play a part" she cursed me out and did her best. I love that woman.

Norm Sanders said:
Just to clarify, I think Darnell did a fabulous job. My reference was more for anytime there was any lengthy dialogue delivery from one or two of the others.
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Hey man, I really liked this, would definitely want to watch more of this story, and you found some great shots, the whole thing looks fantastic. The kid had a great look to him, maybe if a slightly different expression had been thrown in there at some point? But maybe that would defeat the intention. And the initial cut from the kid in the back to the front desk was a little awkward, but that is little stuff, I will be watching it again!
 
chriscurl said:
Hey man, I really liked this, would definitely want to watch more of this story, and you found some great shots, the whole thing looks fantastic. The kid had a great look to him, maybe if a slightly different expression had been thrown in there at some point? But maybe that would defeat the intention. And the initial cut from the kid in the back to the front desk was a little awkward, but that is little stuff, I will be watching it again!
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Thank you! I am very glad you enjoyed it. So much went wrong that day I had to make a thread about it.
 
Really cool concept here... You've got a distinct visual style here... lots of good moments... the door closing on the guy right before he pulls the trig is great, the two guys aiming and shooting each other is excellent as well. Some awesome shot choices here and there make this a very exciting, hard to ignore piece! The kid also did a great job performing. It's tough to direct kids, especially getting a dramatic, intense performance... so good character directing in that regard... also, good directing from a camera/shot selection camp as well.

It's a good film.. I like it. I like it enough that I'll also tell you what I don't like about it :) It's clear to me you know how to tell a story and run a smooth production so I'll be a little more forthcoming and brute with my thoughts. I like some moments of the beginning scene... but strongly dislike the idea that this guy is sitting in a bedroom figuring this all out. You can see a simple white door behind him and it made me immediately think less of this film as a whole, it got better... but at first I was like, 'okay, here goes another action movie that is too big for it's shoes'... you proved me wrong in that regard but that initial taste still lingers in my thoughts that this guy is involved in some high level black ops program and running it from his bedroom the way he'd similarly check his yahoo mail.

I feel like in the middle you were almost going for an action comedy route with the way the actors handled themselves. You had the night nurse being a little comical, joking around, and these awkward glances between her and the suit and the ninja/black op guys. I did find it funny, but was also uncertain as to what angle you were trying to play up there... It felt undecided in the edit as if you were kinda playing both the drama field and the comedy field... so I wasn't sure how to interpret it.

The concept with the boy is really cool.. I dig it.. I like how he takes the black op guys out... the first kill lays the groundwork and we know the terms. The second and third simultaneously kill show us he's yet even more powerful than we initially thought... but after seeing their buddy dead.. I find it hard to believe the other guys wouldn't just kill this kid on sight. Knowing that can't happen... I wish the boy could have moved or something and then they are looking for him and then he assumes control 'before' they had a chance to do something about it.

Lastly, our last character who shows up and tells him not to move with the pistol... this immediately bugged me. It was too action movie cliche'... I knew the kid was going to stop him so there's no drama there, no tension, I felt nothing for him as he wields the instrument of his own death in those last seconds. I'm only thinking, "..that's a cool shot through the door..." and I shouldn't be thinking that. I should be thinking about your story, your character.

Either this guy would blow the kid away or something else would happen... maybe he'd pull the trigger but the bullet would stop and just fall out of the barrel... showing us this kid has EVEN more power... I don't know, just a thought.

All in all. I enjoyed your film and it's one of my favorites so far. I'll admit, I'm being more critical with this than most entries, but it's only because I feel it shows a lot of promise. Hope I'm not rubbing you the wrong way and thanks so much for sharing.
 
Damn, Geoff. Awesome feedback! And rightly justified. There's some nice potential here, really. Geoff got it pretty good and I wasn't gonna comment because I get slayed when I say what I feel... that's it right there!

Good job. Only gets better when you got some real feedback going along with the back pats!
 
I liked this entry for its potential, but there were a few things that took me out of it. Some of the camera angles were odd and I didn't like the ending very much. Whoever was brought in at the end to take the Puppeteer in alive didn't look the part at all.

The over all feel of the film was great though, you definitely know how to put together a film. I'd love to see more with these characters.
 
i have to agree with spear that the man supposed to take in the puppeteer didnt fit the part as well as id hoped. however, the rest of the movie was well made and the comedy bits of it made it even more enjoyable.
 
I was about to go to bed and call it a night, then I thought, before turning off this computer, I have to watch one more short film. I hope its good and if it isn't I'll just stop it and hit the hay.

I like it enough to make a comment now and avoid another five minutes before going to bed. This thing has real production value. The rest of your film is top-notch. Only two moments threw me for a loop. The lead guy should have better sense than to bargain with the kid. The kid could have seen him in a reflection without turning around and do his mental thing on him, and you could have avoided the 'go to jail' line. Figuratively speaking.

The ending wasn't impressive because I know that guy in the car is going to pick up the kid because he has stronger powers, or something like that. He has done this before.

You make Stephen King's Firestarter look like garbage. Great work. One of my faves. Now I can go to bed.
 
Niiice one man. Great action, production values. Loved the closeup shot of the kid with his arms crossed right before he makes the two swat guys shoot each other. You have an eye for this kind of stuff.

I wasn't quite able to connect with anybody in the story so I sat back and enjoyed the ride. The main cop was a decent character but not too bright. I did like the way the conductor showed up at the end. I'm guessing he's a more powerful telepath that's going to attempt to reign the kid in. Good showdown teaser.

I liked the set and the fact that you got to shoot in a real emergency center is cool but it felt a little sparce in there in terms of set design. Man, anything I nitpick about makes me feel like I'm being an ass because there was a lot here to like. I just want to be more emotionally invested in the characters. Even so, you did a great job and considering all of the problems you had on set, it's a great achievement. Thumbs up man.
 
Fantastic Feedback Geoff! You touched on some very cool ideas I never even thought about. After watching your film, I am humbled by your comments. you really make me wish I had Doc and the Dolroean out back. Thank you.

Geoff_R said:
Really cool concept here... You've got a distinct visual style here... lots of good moments... the door closing on the guy right before he pulls the trig is great, the two guys aiming and shooting each other is excellent as well. Some awesome shot choices here and there make this a very exciting, hard to ignore piece! The kid also did a great job performing. It's tough to direct kids, especially getting a dramatic, intense performance... so good character directing in that regard... also, good directing from a camera/shot selection camp as well.

It's a good film.. I like it. I like it enough that I'll also tell you what I don't like about it :) It's clear to me you know how to tell a story and run a smooth production so I'll be a little more forthcoming and brute with my thoughts. I like some moments of the beginning scene... but strongly dislike the idea that this guy is sitting in a bedroom figuring this all out. You can see a simple white door behind him and it made me immediately think less of this film as a whole, it got better... but at first I was like, 'okay, here goes another action movie that is too big for it's shoes'... you proved me wrong in that regard but that initial taste still lingers in my thoughts that this guy is involved in some high level black ops program and running it from his bedroom the way he'd similarly check his yahoo mail.

I feel like in the middle you were almost going for an action comedy route with the way the actors handled themselves. You had the night nurse being a little comical, joking around, and these awkward glances between her and the suit and the ninja/black op guys. I did find it funny, but was also uncertain as to what angle you were trying to play up there... It felt undecided in the edit as if you were kinda playing both the drama field and the comedy field... so I wasn't sure how to interpret it.

The concept with the boy is really cool.. I dig it.. I like how he takes the black op guys out... the first kill lays the groundwork and we know the terms. The second and third simultaneously kill show us he's yet even more powerful than we initially thought... but after seeing their buddy dead.. I find it hard to believe the other guys wouldn't just kill this kid on sight. Knowing that can't happen... I wish the boy could have moved or something and then they are looking for him and then he assumes control 'before' they had a chance to do something about it.

Lastly, our last character who shows up and tells him not to move with the pistol... this immediately bugged me. It was too action movie cliche'... I knew the kid was going to stop him so there's no drama there, no tension, I felt nothing for him as he wields the instrument of his own death in those last seconds. I'm only thinking, "..that's a cool shot through the door..." and I shouldn't be thinking that. I should be thinking about your story, your character.

Either this guy would blow the kid away or something else would happen... maybe he'd pull the trigger but the bullet would stop and just fall out of the barrel... showing us this kid has EVEN more power... I don't know, just a thought.

All in all. I enjoyed your film and it's one of my favorites so far. I'll admit, I'm being more critical with this than most entries, but it's only because I feel it shows a lot of promise. Hope I'm not rubbing you the wrong way and thanks so much for sharing.
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Kholi said:
Damn, Geoff. Awesome feedback! And rightly justified. There's some nice potential here, really. Geoff got it pretty good and I wasn't gonna comment because I get slayed when I say what I feel... that's it right there!

Good job. Only gets better when you got some real feedback going along with the back pats!
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I will never slay anyone if they had a negative opinion. Especially you. I'm just glad you didn't think it sucked.:beer:
 
Thanks for checking it out! This and all of the other comments and critiques allowed me to really open my mind and look back and I say damn I could have done so much more to make it better. But I am glad you enjoyed it. Your film is one of my favs so your opinion is valued greatly. thanks.

Sprocketboy said:
I was about to go to bed and call it a night, then I thought, before turning off this computer, I have to watch one more short film. I hope its good and if it isn't I'll just stop it and hit the hay.

I like it enough to make a comment now and avoid another five minutes before going to bed. This thing has real production value. The rest of your film is top-notch. Only two moments threw me for a loop. The lead guy should have better sense than to bargain with the kid. The kid could have seen him in a reflection without turning around and do his mental thing on him, and you could have avoided the 'go to jail' line. Figuratively speaking.

The ending wasn't impressive because I know that guy in the car is going to pick up the kid because he has stronger powers, or something like that. He has done this before.

You make Stephen King's Firestarter look like garbage. Great work. One of my faves. Now I can go to bed.
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Thanks for checking it out! Man, Nitpick all you want. I don't take anything personal. I need all the input.. good, and especially bad.

The cop is definately not too bright.:beer: And that was not intentional. A lot of comments pretain to the lack of connection to the characters. and I see now that is something I need to work on for sure.

All I'm thinking is "cool shots, dolly moves, cool shots, slo-mo, cool shots" and there is just soooooo much more to it than that. This is the best learning experience one could have.

and could some one please explain to me how to multi-quote from different posts. :dankk2:

Champloo said:
Niiice one man. Great action, production values. Loved the closeup shot of the kid with his arms crossed right before he makes the two swat guys shoot each other. You have an eye for this kind of stuff.

I wasn't quite able to connect with anybody in the story so I sat back and enjoyed the ride. The main cop was a decent character but not too bright. I did like the way the conductor showed up at the end. I'm guessing he's a more powerful telepath that's going to attempt to reign the kid in. Good showdown teaser.

I liked the set and the fact that you got to shoot in a real emergency center is cool but it felt a little sparce in there in terms of set design. Man, anything I nitpick about makes me feel like I'm being an ass because there was a lot here to like. I just want to be more emotionally invested in the characters. Even so, you did a great job and considering all of the problems you had on set, it's a great achievement. Thumbs up man.
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I think this had a lot of potential, but got bogged down in exposition. Way too much 'telling' what, who, and why, and this can lend itself to actors 'reading instructions' to the audience instead of showing us what's going on - and we don't always need to know everything anyways.

I call this the Ikea effect.


I really liked the framing of the big guy from behind. I think this told us a lot - sterile, secrecy, bad intentions. You could open the film with just that with a cool pull back, and a message machine picks up, and the voice mentions only a few details to kick this into motion from the start. You could lose the opening actor altogether.

I also think you could chop your two extra SWAT dudes, and spend more time with just the one, and give us a nice cat and mouse thrill ride.

That's 3 actors down.

Next, lose one of your office staff. Added zilch.

Next, you can one of the guys in the car.

That's 5 characters that were crowding this film that are now out-ski! Now you can give those who are really driving the story some camera time to show us a great thriller.



One line that stuck out is 'Lock us in' - yeah, like the kid really cared about locks.

I got a little too much "Firestarter" from the kid.


I like the closing shot a lot. Tells a lot w/o words that this kid has no natural predators, and we're in a poop-load of trouble.

There is some cool artistry going on. The eye is there. Just unload some of the 'brushes' and let the dance happen.

aw


www.alexwhitmer.wordpress.com
 
Alex: great comments man. Thanks for your input! The crazy part is that 4 of the 5 acotrs were called in the day before. The bald dr dude was called 1 hour before we shot his part. It was the day from hell. But I greatly value your opinion and thank you.
 
Cool short! I enjoyed this one, it's a total popcorn movie. The shot of the kid looking menacing walking toward the camera reminds of the shot of Zack Snyder's son in the beginning of "300" when he's looking at the camera with a black eye. This one worked as a whole (I was able to overlook any of the problems like the not too bright cop). How can you not say this movie is fun? I think most of the issues I saw everybody touched on in the previous posts, so I won't be redundant. With that said I liked it.

Good stuff

Ryan
 
Thanks ryan! I'm glad you enjoyed it and could overlook the flaws in doing so. Means a great deal.

Ryanrjack said:
Cool short! I enjoyed this one, it's a total popcorn movie. The shot of the kid looking menacing walking toward the camera reminds of the shot of Zack Snyder's son in the beginning of "300" when he's looking at the camera with a black eye. This one worked as a whole (I was able to overlook any of the problems like the not too bright cop). How can you not say this movie is fun? I think most of the issues I saw everybody touched on in the previous posts, so I won't be redundant. With that said I liked it.

Good stuff

Ryan
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This...now this...is my kind of film. Dramas are great, who doesn't love a great comedy but this film rocked! You have a great eye for this kind of film and although I agree with the other posts about some minor details, I thought this was a great film. You have set the bar pretty high for yourself for your next film. As an aside, Darnell was perfect, his expression said it all, "I'm bad.."
 
I really appreciate the comments!

With all the feedback and critiques about both of my films I think I have grasp on some of the things I need to imoprove on.

I apprcieate your honesty and all the other filmmakers here that gave their honest opinion as well.

warau said:
This...now this...is my kind of film. Dramas are great, who doesn't love a great comedy but this film rocked! You have a great eye for this kind of film and although I agree with the other posts about some minor details, I thought this was a great film. You have set the bar pretty high for yourself for your next film. As an aside, Darnell was perfect, his expression said it all, "I'm bad.."
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OMG! That was epic! My points...

WRITING: I thought that the dialogue was very realistic, and never got too exposition heavy, which definitely adds to the realism of the piece. The story itself was pretty gnarly and easily expandible.

CINEMATICS: The visuals, minimal use of SFX and cinematography were just superb. I felt that the opening shots and the shots in the car looked like they were shot on a consumer camera, but the rest was cinematically astounding.

ACTING: A++ to everyone involved!

MUSIC: WOW! If it weren't for the music, the film would have been awesome. With the music, it's EPIC. Keep your scorer around, he's a badass!
 
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