A Safe Place to Be

Good script. I thought it could have been color corrected that would have really given it the feel it needed and balanced it out. other than that great job.
 
Good writing alex! When the grandpa died I could have seen the girl in tears and sometimes I couldn't hear what they were saying (had my volume up all the way).
 
Well working with kids is tough. I thought she handled the material OK. Though I think a more mature actor would have pulled this piece together quite a bit more. (not talking age here).

Not sure all the dialogue worked for me.

There were a few shots in there I thought thats pretty, and then a few not of the same level which made them stand out even more.

Overall a fine effort on some tough material.
 
Interesting script - I thought the actors did ok with it. The score didn't really do it for me though, I found it a bit distracting as it didn't seem to fit the tone.

I think a little work on the color grade would really go a long way to setting the mood for this piece, but it was a solid effort all the same.
 
Interesting piece. When I realized where the girl was going at the end, I was like wow...that is depressing. I do think that the actors did a fairly good job.

I liked some of your shots and compositions and the location worked for the material. The script was written well. The biggest issue I have is that there were some moments were sound went in and out. I know how challenging working with sound can be (trust me.) Anyway, good job.
 
Thanks, everyone, for your critiques. Its given me a lot to think about and work on. Sound and color really took a hit during the post-production process, and I'm just now really having time to sit down and fix it for a longer cut. It's been great watching your films and they have given me a lot of hope for improvement, as this was my first real short film.
 
Nice comments. Keep 'em coming.

The script had some great input by both actors and Adam before locking it. The final result is crisp.

My hats off to Adam and his team for some great work, and to the actors, especially Brooklyn, who continues to grow as an actress. If only some big people had the dedication to craft she has!!

Someday we are going to get her and Zack together for a short.

Fill our cup with comments!!


alex

www.brooklyngarrison.wordpress.com
 
This film certainly has a big heart, and one can't help but feel crushed when the girl ends up all alone. There were some fantastic shots set up toward the end when she left.

As I said, I was touched by the teachings that the grandfather was able to offer the little girl, but this film runs the risk of colliding with easy sentimentality and pulling too hard on the heart strings. There was also a shot during the hot cocoa scene in the s/rs set up that contained much less contrast than the rest of the scene and stood out like a sore thumb. Really though, besides a couple of tiny sound hiccups, this was still a good outing.

I enjoyed it. :thumbsup:
 
I remember my first film. :)

I won't nail you on breaking rules and audio issues as I'm sure you know them.

I will give you this advice. Try to get more out of your actors. I felt that with a bit more direction this could have really worked. I still felt something at the end so that tells me that you are on your way.

Keep at it and keep learning. You'll only get better.
That little girl has something to offer.

Good luck!

MAH
 
I think the script was strong and had alot of potential. There was some solid acting in there. Technical imperfections aside, the shot comp, continuity etc. just weren't living up to the story imo. Don't get me wrong though! I was still moved at moments.
Alex I think your a great writer, I must confess though, I've thought you were a girl all this time! lol. You offered me a script you wrote with exclusively girl characters (it was a kick ass script) combined with your avatar I just got the wrong impression without stopping to think if you were a guy!
 
Hey guys. Congrats on getting the film finished. I think Michael's comment about drawing more out of the actors is a great one. Brooklyn had a few beats that absolutely gave me chills, and I think she would have done more with this material with a touch of gentle prompting.

You shot this in a single weekend, right? That's pretty heroic on it's own. Congrats on that.

My last comment is about the look of the film. I'm curious why you went with a 30p framerate? Normally I'm the last guy to use the "Give me 24p or give me death" speech, but in this case I think 24p would have really helped the feel of the film. As it is it's kind of got the motion and sheen of a soap opera and that disconnected me from the narrative.

Alex, please write something for Brooklyn where no one dies. Let's call it Happy Bunnies or something, ok? :)

Hope that helps.

Chris
 
Wow, this was so dark.

The girl is lovely and I really felt for her. Her relationship with her grandfather is beautiful and I felt so bad when he died.

Her going to the orphanage with the photos and the bear was a perfect ending. I wonder though if you need that last line from her.

Best of luck in the fest.
 
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