Two Rows In - A Bob Zimmerman Film

Review as it plays:
Good music. Good start.

Would have loved to see a moving shot on the first reveal. Didn't quite like th reveal of the boy before the dude does into the corn. He needed to lead us into the field. Otherwise we feel like we know more or should know more. Good shots in the corn... Maybe if we were seeing the back of the boy instead of a full shot, so it's LEADING us elsewhere... that would help sell the spookiness a little better. A good OTS would have been awesome in this sequence.

Actor is very awkward in this sequence. I do like how the woman discovers the body. Sound sent way off and we couldn't hear anything. Still no connection between the characters so that created confusion for me. How are they related? ARE they related at all?

And his reaction to seeing himself there with the kid? Didn't make sense that he didn't react, and storywise, the shot made no sense to me. Why WAS he seeing himself with the kid? Big "huh?" moment there. Provoked more a kind of time travel than ghost story for me.

Didn't understand the ending, especially considering we never knew the characters names. the names were never spoken out loud.

All in all, some story elements need to be fleshed out and I really wish you had better angles to choose from that suited the narrative much better. Run over your shot list with your editor next time, or even have him on set, and some of your shots would be much improved and motivated to be narrative instead of just being cool shots.

Good luck and thanks for the story.
 
I think your making to much and wanting to much for a 3 minute short. A couple driving hit a kid on a bike. They see no body. He sees the kid in the cornfield and gives chase thinking he is hurt. The kid is dead and goes to a grave yard where his father his buried. His dad comes back and takes his son to the other side. How? Why? Where? I don't know it is the Twilight Zone!!

Just a simple unexplained ghost story. Time travel? Not sure how you got that
 
The man at the graveside was another actor? He was dressed very similarly to the lead actor so it lead me to believe he was seeing himself with the kid. That's the source of my confusion right there. Didn't understand that it was someone else completely different.
 
Went back and looked again and now that I see it, BOTH actors are balding, and BOTH are dressed in white shirts. This is where costume choice would have avoided confusion to viewers. Maybe I'm the only one who got confused...

I'm trying to give an honest critique here, not tear you down, so please just take it as it is meant.
 
puckthemad said:
Went back and looked again and now that I see it, BOTH actors are balding, and BOTH are dressed in white shirts. This is where costume choice would have avoided confusion to viewers. Maybe I'm the only one who got confused...

I'm trying to give an honest critique here, not tear you down, so please just take it as it is meant.
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I helped to write this and I see your point, although you also seem to be the first to have jumped to the wrong conclusion so.... I see it both ways. :)

I don't think it's a big issue though.

Cheers,

Mike
 
Well it certainly gives it the right feeling now that I have clarity. The story makes complete sense now and it's exactly as I had expected upon first viewing. I just watched again to be completely fair and objective and you're right: it's a good old fashioned ghost story.

Thanks for the story and good luck to you. Keep making the films and just learn from your experiences like we all are.
 
puckthemad said:
Well it certainly gives it the right feeling now that I have clarity. The story makes complete sense now and it's exactly as I had expected upon first viewing. I just watched again to be completely fair and objective and you're right: it's a good old fashioned ghost story.

Thanks for the story and good luck to you. Keep making the films and just learn from your experiences like we all are.
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Yup, simple but effective. Zim is improving at an amazing rate. :beer:
I'm looking forward to his next entry.

Cheers,

Mike
 
puckthemad said:
The man at the graveside was another actor? He was dressed very similarly to the lead actor so it lead me to believe he was seeing himself with the kid. That's the source of my confusion right there. Didn't understand that it was someone else completely different.
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I was looking at that later wishing I had the lead actor in a dark shirt. Good point I see what you are saying.....
 
Thanks,,,,,even if one person sees something others could too. It is a very good point. I was really more worried about the two ghost being dressed the same. But I will keep a better eye on the actors dress. I don't want anyone to get confused. I was really taking back by the time travel thing,,,,but that is not a bad idea really!


puckthemad said:
Well it certainly gives it the right feeling now that I have clarity. The story makes complete sense now and it's exactly as I had expected upon first viewing. I just watched again to be completely fair and objective and you're right: it's a good old fashioned ghost story.

Thanks for the story and good luck to you. Keep making the films and just learn from your experiences like we all are.
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Zim - you did a big step ahaed of quality from the last fest to this one. I am very impressed. Your story is clever and the score fantastic. Only the acting is a little bit rigid. I am very curious to watch your next film! :beer:

Susanne
 
Thanks Susanne. I hope to do even better next time.


Susanne G. said:
Zim - you did a big step ahaed of quality from the last fest to this one. I am very impressed. Your story is clever and the score fantastic. Only the acting is a little bit rigid. I am very curious to watch your next film! :beer:

Susanne
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I have to say Zim "you had a great team working together with you..." and don't forget that goodlooking dutch guy with that old mercedes and beer in his car wasn't he your camera operator? hahahaa
 
I am talking about this guy here...

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