"Elapsed", a short by Narrow Way Studios

gabrielflorit said:
Huh. This one made me stop and think. You know I'm going to get off this couch and go do something, right now. Thank you! Well acted, good camera angles, good lighting, good music, best fonts of the entire fest - congratulations!!!
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Much obliged.
What are you-- Collin Ferrel's brother?
 
It's hard for me to find anything to say about this, really. It just worked so simply and honestly and directly, I instantly got caught up in its spell and rolled with it. Just a nice piece of work.

I do have to ask about the graduation scene. It looked GREAT. But to another indie filmaker's eye, it looked like you were getting around not having a lot to work with. The close-ups, strategically hung banners, sound efx. Am I right? If so, it's such a good lesson for filmmakers to learn. Frank did the same thing in UNZEIT, where he has two people in different outfits by era, walking by to indicate the passage of time.

Love that stuff.

This was just really, really well done and nice.
 
Mark Harris said:
It's hard for me to find anything to say about this, really. It just worked so simply and honestly and directly, I instantly got caught up in its spell and rolled with it. Just a nice piece of work.

I do have to ask about the graduation scene. It looked GREAT. But to another indie filmaker's eye, it looked like you were getting around not having a lot to work with. The close-ups, strategically hung banners, sound efx. Am I right? If so, it's such a good lesson for filmmakers to learn. Frank did the same thing in UNZEIT, where he has two people in different outfits by era, walking by to indicate the passage of time.

Love that stuff.

This was just really, really well done and nice.
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Hey, Mark, Thank you for your review.

You hit the graduation scene situation smack on. Here's a picture of what I had to work with:
(I contacted 28 recently graduated high school students who were friends of a friend. Talked to them and 16 gave me their word they would show up. Only 3 did, so man.....you gotta do with what you got)

DSC_0338.jpg
 
well like I said, it's a lesson every indie filmmaker should learn, how to make it look like you have more. You "sold" a graduation really well in this.
 
I really liked the message in your story and think you did a great job telling it. I would work on the blown out stuff, and get some more cinematic tight shots at some points, but I liked it very much!
 
msconce said:
I really liked the message in your story and think you did a great job telling it. I would work on the blown out stuff, and get some more cinematic tight shots at some points, but I liked it very much!
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Thanks! Could you explain what you mean by "cinematic tight shots?"
 
Great message, well put, well driven, it got me from the start.

I also agree that one of the situations that you find all the time, at least as a filmmakers, is that were you have little and you need to show a lot........
 
Wow! Really good entry man! I love it when everything looks complete and the story and production level is consistent from the beginning to the end! You did a really great job! Good acting good sound, good camera work and a compelling story! very well done :)

Besides the lack of people at the ceremony, there is nothing to critique on.

Good work :)
 
I like the message, but it felt far too direct, too sermony. I thought your lead actor was credible, though the dad was too cliche. Overall a good effort, strong unity of purpose and good use of close ups. Also, awesome fonts :-)
 
The story was very good. It was a story we have all seen before (father works all the time, neglects family. Soemone else becomes father figure, etc...) but that being said, you did a very good job with it.

I liked the V/O, it is hard to make those work and you did an excellent job. I think my only real nitpick are a few little acting things:

1) When Sparks throws his speech away, the principal's reaction didn't really do it for me. It seemed forced.

2) The speech he gave instead started sounding prepared (because it was) but it was supposed to be on the spot.

These are VERY minor things, you did a great job and I wish you nothing but good luck!
 
I really liked the feel it gave off, I would say it was a little prepared sounding, but thats a minor thing considering it was prepared, it is hard to make planned lines sound spontanious (sp?) but other then that I liked the message, good job
 
You did a good job on this. A simple story, told simply. You didn't try to make it something it wasn't but you were still able to get some production value with your locations. I was a little annoyed by the bright sunlight on his face at the beginning of his speech. Perhaps a silk would have taken care of that for you.

I thought you handle the VO well, in that you showed him telling the story.

The Cat's in the Cradle..."I want to be just like you, dad..."
 
This was a really nice idea and for the most part well executed.

I would have liked a stronger start to pull me in right away. I was about a third of the way through it before I started to care about the main character and then I quite liked it. I found the introductory speaker unnecessary and uninteresting, you could have jumped right into the main character's speech, that's about 45sec I didn't really need to see. It also felt a little claustrophobic at the beginning because all of your shots were mids or closeups. One well placed wide angle shot would have helped the opening to breathe a little. And on top of which your lead actor's delivery is a little monotonous - which works once you get into the piece and he starts to liven up more - so all of that made for an intro that kind of dragged and could make me not want to watch the rest of the piece which would be a shame.

Overall I did enjoy it and I liked the ending. The writing was fun and realistic and your lead actor grew on me through the piece. Generally I'm not a fan of voice overs but I thought it really worked here. My favorite moment was "The secret is knocking down those white pins with that big ball"... it was so natural and funny and really showed the warmth between the characters, so great :)

Well done and I'm looking forward to your next piece!
 
I haven't commented on many films...

you did a good job, I loved the honesty... I know I said that earlier...

wishing you luck in the voting!
 
justin ewart said:
This was a really nice idea and for the most part well executed.

I would have liked a stronger start to pull me in right away. I was about a third of the way through it before I started to care about the main character and then I quite liked it. I found the introductory speaker unnecessary and uninteresting, you could have jumped right into the main character's speech, that's about 45sec I didn't really need to see. It also felt a little claustrophobic at the beginning because all of your shots were mids or closeups. One well placed wide angle shot would have helped the opening to breathe a little. And on top of which your lead actor's delivery is a little monotonous - which works once you get into the piece and he starts to liven up more - so all of that made for an intro that kind of dragged and could make me not want to watch the rest of the piece which would be a shame.

Overall I did enjoy it and I liked the ending. The writing was fun and realistic and your lead actor grew on me through the piece. Generally I'm not a fan of voice overs but I thought it really worked here. My favorite moment was "The secret is knocking down those white pins with that big ball"... it was so natural and funny and really showed the warmth between the characters, so great :)

Well done and I'm looking forward to your next piece!
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Yeah, I totally agree with you on the tight shots. It's just that the extras didn't show up, we were expecting close to 20, who actually confirmed, and then only 3 came! Out of those 3, we only had 2 caps and gowns, so I had to switch the wardrobe between the speaker and the graduates... I just couldn't get away with the perfect wide angle shots. I tried...just looked horrifically lower budget than we already were :) That's the reality of things though. I watched The Impossible Race which was hillarious, but I kept thinking all the time, "why aren't there more people racing, like 30 or 40 of them? Why aren't there loads more expectators?" And the answer? For the same reason I didn't have 30 or 40 graduating students in my movie. I opted for the close up shots to cheat a bit.
Thanks for your comment!
 
I think your film is top 5 because of the story. It's the greatest story of the fest so far in my viewing experience.

I liked your initial rack focus. Didnt care for the second one. I thought your lead actor was atrocious and really distracting. Some of your selections were on the nose (meaning its so obvious it's cliche) but I applaud you for trying a bunch of things.

I think if you would have cast better, and written a tighter speech to illustrate this would be on top in it's own right. But you did a good job of staying out of the way of the message despite these two flaws and thats why I hold this film in really hard regard.

Thanks for making this one.



EDIT: I forgot to mention. I really really enjoyed the graduation's shooting style. Reminded me of the way they shoot The Shield on FX. It was a solid solid scene. I like the crowd shots too... wish there were more of that.
 
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