When You Have It All

DarkElastic

DarkElastic

Well-known member
WhenYouHaveItAll.jpg

A man with everything has one hell of a bad day.​

Available for Filming​
 
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This was crazy. I love the visual at the end because the whole tiime I was thinking that Jason was a total dick head. :)

I cracked up when Stan said the area had been reported to be possessed by the devil.

I enjoyed it. It was silly and entertaining.
 
I liked this one. It has a certain style to it. It made me think in colors while reading it, loved that about it.
Also love the " off-sync" tapping on the steering wheel, made me chuckle a bit. As well as the sunglasses detail. Great.

I don't know, can't come up with much critique except perhaps one less split-screen?

ahhhhhhh, the ending haha. Fitting.
Nice work!

And thanks for your comment on my script, very happy you liked it.
 
Silly stuff... bordering on ridiculous, but in a good way. :)

Very entertaining. You definitely went all out in this one. Quite a ride.
My only real negative would be having them call each other by name so often.

Cheers,

MAH
 
Thanks for the comments, guys.

This type of script is not something I would normally put into these Fests. But I ran out of time and I had this one pretty much worked out with regards to logistics. I am really looking for formatting comments, for future writing, as I will be amazed if some people don't hate this, with regards to conflicting sense of humour!
 
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Mailliw87 said:
Also love the " off-sync" tapping on the steering wheel, made me chuckle a bit. As well as the sunglasses detail. Great..
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This was my favorite part of the script. I really appreciated small details like that.

The overall story didn't do a lot for me, not because of a conflict of humor, but because it seemed rather cobbled together. The devil possessed location was there only for your payoff ending instead of some logical through-line.

I also expected some kind of payoff with the Expensive Recovery service, but it didn't really come through. What if Expensive Recovery was Satan's service? He sold his soul a long time ago and is now just activating the plan or something? Just thinking out loud.

I'm also not sure how well transparent things would show up on screen, but that's a nit-picky point.
 
I'm not going to say I hate the script, and I don't know if conflicting senses of humor are involved here, but...

...a "Chinese male who cannot pronounce his 'R's?" Seriously? I don't see how this stereotyped dialect adds anything to the character or the scene. Ditto for him being gay and wearing pink. I don't want to make a big deal about it or start some "PC" lynchmob or anything like that, I just don't get it.

Moving on, I thought Jason's line about having a small soul was out of character. Wouldn't he be as unjustifiably proud of the size of his soul as he is everything else? :evil:
 
Captain Pierce said:
...a "Chinese male who cannot pronounce his 'R's?" Seriously? I don't see how this stereotyped dialect adds anything to the character or the scene. Ditto for him being gay and wearing pink. I don't want to make a big deal about it or start some "PC" lynchmob or anything like that, I just don't get it.
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I wasn't going to touch on this but the character immediately reminded me of the character in 'The Hangover'. Right down to the way he spoke and his lifestyle. He just happened to be a mob boss as well. :)
 
Captain Pierce said:
...a "Chinese male who cannot pronounce his 'R's?" Seriously? I don't see how this stereotyped dialect adds anything to the character or the scene. Ditto for him being gay and wearing pink. I don't want to make a big deal about it or start some "PC" lynchmob or anything like that, I just don't get it.
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Are you trying to say this guy doesn't exist???? I bet he does somewhere out there!!!! :thumbsup:
 
krestofre said:
The overall story didn't do a lot for me, not because of a conflict of humor, but because it seemed rather cobbled together. The devil possessed location was there only for your payoff ending instead of some logical through-line.
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There are clues throughout.
 
Has an enjoyable silly attitude, You have a lot of details to like, the off-sync tapping and pompous loud music as well as little details with color that really help to paint a picture. Those are enjoyable. However, something about the script just didn't click for me. It feels sort of flat and there isn't a lot of depth to your characters and story.
 
I enjoyed this script! I loved the twists and turns that you had throughout. I should have seen it coming that his wife was having an affair with the mechanic, but I didn't put two and two together until it was revealed. Great job.
 
I liked this in spite of myself.

A twisted little tale, some really nice details, out of sync tapping, loud pompous music (not sure what that sounds like, but it still struck me as funny)

I like the bit of dialogue, "I'm running away with Craig the Mechanic" like Craig the Mechanic is his God given name.

As far as the end. I had no problem with his dick head, that was appropriate.

But I didn't feel like he would even make the deal at all. He really onlly lost his wife, he didn't really seem to care about her. She's runnig away, so he won't have to split his riches with her. I didn't get the feeling he was really going to die in the desert. So it left me thinking, why would he make the deal at all?

But I like an over the top story and you nailed that.
 
Enjoyed the script. Have to agree that it's not a deep story, but I don't think it was meant to be. Just good silly humor.

The recovery guy made me think of the the character in '16 Candles', Long Duk Dong for some reason...only gay. Ha! John Hughes (bless his soul) is cracking-up where ever he might be.

You're a great visual writer and I too can really see your scripts. Great job!
 
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