Transylmania

Transylmania

  • I've already seen it, and loved it. Can't wait to see it again.

    Votes: 1 16.7%

  • I have my tickets in hand. So excited I may wet myself.

    Votes: 4 66.7%

  • I'm standing in line to buy my tickets.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Making plans to see it a second time.

    Votes: 1 16.7%
  • Total voters
    6
Stephen Mick

Stephen Mick

Totally Usable
Relax. I have not seen, nor will I see, this film.

I merely post this so that I can share a story with you all, loyal followers of the User.

About a year ago, a certain Wookie-moderator and I had a gig over in the Sunshine State, shooting a tourism video (in the middle of winter, mind you). Over the course of a week, we needed to interview local chefs, golf pros, kiteboard instructors and other folks. And we needed to show off the destination's beaches, golf courses and fishing for all to see.

It rained. And rained. And was cold. The beaches were empty (naturally), the fish didn't bite and there were holiday decorations everywhere. All in all, it made it pretty difficult to shoot a "beach destination" video.

So one evening, with rain pouring down outside and not much to do but wait it out, we clicked on the television. After wandering the digital cable wasteland for a while, we settled on the SciFi Channel. Not because either of us are huge sci-fi fans, but because it was better than watching a Meredith Baxter movie on Lifetime.

The movie we ended up watching on SciFi was "King Cobra," with Erik Estrada, Pat Morita, Hoyt Axton and that creepy guy who played Malachi in the original "Children of the Corn." Another movie, "Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon" had just ended. (We were upset that we missed most of that one.)

All I can really tell you about "King Cobra" is that it was so bad, I fired up the laptop and went to IMDB. I had to know who was responsible for this film. I mean, there are good "bad movies" and there are bad "bad movies." This one had the stench of death on it.

Scott and David Hillenbrand. They were to blame. In fact, not only did they direct "King Cobra," the wrote, produced and scored it, and Scott was even the lead actor.

Oh, the wookie and I laughed. We reveled in the film's complete and total badness. Afterwards, I had to scrub myself, like Meryl Streep's character in Silkwood, just to get the "King Cobra" off of myself. He and I still talk about that movie (and "Yeti"), in the kind of way you'd talk about a bacterial infection you once had, that perhaps left visible scars.

What does this have to do with "Transylmania?"

The Hillenbrand brothers have returned. You can do the IMDB search yourself.

Hey, wookie? You and the missus want to go see a movie tomorrow night? :D
 
OMG - tell me you're joking!!
I just saw the trailer for Transylmania...

What's funny is I remember thinking that "Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon" was easily the worst film I'd ever seen... and it stayed at that spot in my brain for about 5 minutes until "King Cobra" came on right after it (oh poor Pat Morita...how the mighty had fallen).

By the way - I have a feeling this thread is only going to be of interest to the two of us.
:thumbsup:
 
So far, the reviews are not promising. Rotten Tomatoes has it at 0% on the meter. And here's a pretty savage bit from Entertainment Weekly…

"A no-stars, no-plot, no-point vampire spoof about a group of coeds studying abroad in a haunted castle, Transylmania boasts the kind of acting and direction usually relegated to the adult section of your local video store."


I may just have to see this film.
 
Well, here's what we can do…

We pay to go see "Old Dogs," watch that, then sneak in to go see "Transylmania."

How does that sound?
 
And if the Hillenbrand brothers see this thread…

You have made at least five movies thus far, horrific as they may be. I salute you!
 
Okay, so opening night box office results are in, and the Hillenbrand Brothers latest effort hasn't started strongly in semi-wide release…

"The one bright spot at the B.O. yesterday emanated from the 12 markets playing Paramount/DreamWorks’ George Clooney starrer "Up in the Air" which soared with $329,000 off 14 and a per site of $22,000.

Full Circle Releasing’s vampire spoof "Transylmania" bowed to $106,000 off 1,005 for a per site of $105."


I believe the best marketing strategy for this film would be to do the opposite of "Paranormal Activity," and reduce the number of theaters each week.
 
$105 per screen? Meaning there's, like, 10 people in the theater on opening night?

Not exactly the next Paranormal Activity. But, I must say, your comments here have been enough to get me to put "King Cobra" in my Netflix list.
 
I'd go ahead and make it a Hillenbrand Brothers double-feature with "Demon Island" (aka "Piñata: Survival Island, as noted by Ryan above).
 
A great quote from one of the Hillenbrand Brothers…

"We’ve seen Transylmania play all over the country, and it is amazing to see how many laugh-out-loud moments there are and how crazy the audience gets over some of our favorite sequences."


Almost makes me wish I'd have been one of the ten people who saw it yesterday.


Almost.
 
I've added a poll to gauge the collective excitement of the DVXUser community. Please vote and let everyone know your feelings!
 
The preliminary weekend BO numbers are in, and it looks like the Hillenbrand Brothers are struggling to find an audience with "Transylmania."

(From MSNBC)…
The vampire mania over “New Moon” did not extend to Full Circle Releasing’s bloodsucker comedy “Transylmania,” which took in just $274,000 in 1,007 theaters for a dismal average of $272. The movie is a campus-horror spoof about students studying at a Transylvania college overrun by vampires.


One can only hope that this film opens modestly, then finds a bigger and bigger audience each week.
 
The guys that made that Pinata horror film actually got a flick into theaters?

Now I know I can make it in the pros.
 
And the updated BO projections are now in…

"The weekend's true lump of coal was the horror comedy "Transylmania," which grossed a lifeless $274,000 from 1,007 theaters. Its per-screen average of $272 means that, at each theater, approximately 37 people attended "Transylmania" this weekend.

If one figures that the movie played about five times per day, or 15 times the whole weekend, then each screening of "Transylmania" attracted an average of two or three moviegoers."




Again, perhaps this film will gradually find an audience, growing its take each day until it goes head to head with Avatar. One can hope.
 
Okay, look, I don't know what stats you're reading, but when I see that the box office climbed from $105 per screen up to $272 per screen, that's nearly tripling their box office per screen! This thing is growing at a huge rate, and will certainly be the next Paranormal Activity!

[/sarcasm]
 
Listen, Mr. Green. I've had just about enough of your so-called "sarcasm" and "hyperbole" here. Don't sell the Hillenbrand Brothers short. Who says a movie has to open strong? Some films just need a bit more time to connect with their audience. And I have to say, with weekend numbers like we're seeing, there's clearly a very, very, very large untapped audience out there.

I mean, look at some of the company "Transylmania" is keeping in terms of all-time opening weekend box-office…
picture.php
 
See, that's what I'm talking about. They're growing. $272, vs. $105, that's the right direction! And they're clearly not the worst -- there's at least three films worse than them.

Even so, grossing $274k in the theaters ... a lot of people here could probably make a pretty decent living four-walling if they could pull in $274,000...

So the big question is -- are you and the wookie going to add $20 to their gross?

You know you want to...
 
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