Through Eyes of the Innocent

MML

MML

Active member
Following the death of his father, a bitter man revisits some painful memories when he receives a mysterious painting as a gift.


ThroughEyesoftheInnocent.jpg
 
Last edited:
Intriguing poster. Has an authentic 'realities collide' feeling to it. I feel your pain on the logline stinkage. Harder to write those than a dang script.

Looking forward to the read.

a
 
Last edited:
Some writers like to lay down the logline right up front. I just can't do that. Feels like it sets up boundaries - course one can always change it as the story unfolds.

a
 
I try to start with a logline but it didn't happen this time. I keep changing my story too. Really glad we have a couple more weeks!

My MacGuffin is the same though. Wow...I've really exposed my MacGuffin in the poster...I've over exposed my MacGuffin!!!! :eek:
 
Well I'm getting desperate. I wonder if a logline can be the MacGuffin?



I took a peek at your work, Marnie. Really crisp writing. The resident filmmakers on DVX should be hounding you for material. Can't wait to see what you do with this homage to Alfred.


I wish I had more time for Movie Poet as well. Chris runs a top-notch show over there. I believe they are holding a logline competition at the the moment. I know a bad one and a good one when I see them, but I sure can't write 'em.

Reading up on it as we speak.

I can hear the calendar pages turning.

a
 
Last edited:
Thanks so much Alex. I really appreciate the compliment. I've been starting to wonder if I was ever going to see something I've written come to life. Hopefully 2010 will break the seal. :)

And MP is such a great place to learn and improve. Plus with a contest every month it really keeps you on your toes.
 
Thanks Jennifer. I did a little in Photoshop CS2 but most of it in a cheap-o program that I love called Photo Explosion. It takes a while to figure out but I use it to create tons of stuff. :)
 
I haven't written one line of this story yet. Ugh. Got all involved in a huge business venture and just haven't been able to concentrate. I've finally commited to the basic idea though, so hopefully I'll shake it out of my brain before the 10th!

How's everyone else doing???? Hopefully progressing better than I am. :)
 
This is the first story I've ever submitted to anything without having someone read it first. No feedback. Ugh. I have a bad feeling it'll show. That's what I get for waiting until last night to write it.
 
looking forward to the read. i missed the last script fest... but i will be sure to go back and read your previous script as well. :)
 
Hi MML, I just read your story.

*Spoilers*

This was a very well written and well paced script. The characters were well thought out.

I knew a twist was coming and when it did it was welcome. It turned the evil murdering farther into a good father, well done.

The niggle in my head is how Arthur didn't remember something? He was 17 when it happened, drunk or not.

It was funny to read a happy ending, as i didn't expect it with this script. I also thought the painting had some supernatural powers that only kids could see. But it all made sense in the end.

Overall, a very well written and constructed script. Well done.
 
This was a fun mystery! At the end Arthur asks Lila about the well and why, try to be allusive when you can. The page numbers should be in courier. I thought the twist was inventive and I liked the different characters. Especially the art interpreter Penny. Pretty damn good for a last minute story, pretty damn good period. Had a China Town vibe going on. No one read this? You're a pretty damn good editor too! ;)
 
Alright you know the routine, here's my horribly awful review. If you have a weak continence and are prone to suicidal thoughts please do not read on!!!! You've been warned!

Pg 1
- Oh my God! You put a page number on the first page..oh the humanity.
- You need a little more room before your scene headings to make them stand out. It's an ease of reading thing.
Pg 5
- Arthur's I have to go see my mother, is abrupt, I would say almost OTN.

Man, I really tore this up! I hope you can forgive me. I liked this one. It set a good suspenseful mood in a classic style. I didn't see the twist until moments before the reveal which is what you want. Great Job!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top