The Wind Swallowed A Snake - short narrative on T2i

[haircut]

Here's my senior project, The Wind Swallowed A Snake



Canon T2i
Sigma 10-20mm f/4
Sigma 28mm f/1.8
Zoom H4n
Sennheiser MKE 300, Sony ECM-44B Lavalier

I have some big gaffs with exposure – this was my first shoot with a DSLR. The waterfall shots are the worst. It was so bright I was shooting with a .9 ND and had to flag the actors with a small piece of poster board, which you'll see them move in and out from under.

Feel free to tear into it. I'm happy-ish with it, but have somewhat mixed feelings, so I'd love any critique and feedback!

 

[rawfa]

I liked how it started narrative wise. You explain nicely (even though I'm not too keen on voice overs) why the guy decides to live in the woods (which, by it self tells us a lot about the character). After the initial explanation I thought it would develop into something deeper, more profound. The relationship between the main character and the accountant could be better explained to make us care about their bond too. The ending feels a bit formulaic and moralistic for my taste, but all in all the short kept me interested.
Technically it could have benefited from a bit more sound work (there's a lot of hiss, and some abrupt cuts). The scenes between the two characters could have benefited from more framings/composition (it's always the same composition and it's a bit tight for the entire dialog). As for the actors I felt they were rushing most of the time to finish their lines...breath, listen, act, react.
Like I said, all in all the short kept me interested but I kept wishing it would go a different way. I can even see this as the beginning of a longer work.

 

[haircut]

Thanks for the feedback!

I agree with you completely. We had a completely arbitrary 10-minute time limit, and as a non-writer I found it pretty tough to fit in a deep relationship.

On the acting side, I had a great shoot at the waterfall and everything seemed to be going perfect. When I got home to capture, I had no audio. Thanks Beachtek. I had to call the two actors (non-actors, really) back to come redo the scenes – so they rushed it and stumbled a bit. No biggy, just my lack of directorial experience. Also, regarding the audio hiss you mentioned, are you sure that wasn't the sound of the waterfall? I laid an ambient track in under the dialog so it didn't feel so hollow with them right beside a loud waterfall.

The idea was born out of a longer story and seemed like a fun way to make a "pilot" of sorts for the whole narrative.

Again, thanks for the feedback.