The Raven's Wing - A Medieval Adventure short

[Son of Sizemore]

Well, being new to the forum, I thought I should start it off with a post of the short film I shot with a group of friends almost 2 years ago, but have only just edited into a form I'm pleased with.
It's got a cheesy plot, and none of us are actors(And the script was being written in between filming days), but we had fun and it taught us plenty. If it entertains you on any level(laughter, tension...or tears! ) then we've done something right
http://vimeo.com/35564104

 

[sonofaresiii]

i turned it off after the opening credits hit the fifty second mark.

sorry dude but you gotta get going if you want people to watch it.


edit: preceding comment intended to be helpful criticism

 

[j1clark@ucsd.edu]

I'd second the shortening of the intro credits...

I didn't get 'engaged' enough to finish the full 12 minutes. But here are some items that lead to my disengagement...

1) Initial monolog... fellow bouncing all over the place in the frame. Couldn't take him seriously. If a 'Mel Brooks' satire was desired... wasn't funny enough, if a serious treatment was desire, wasn't 'serious' enough.
But in any case the use of the Close Up, and Extreme Close Up did nothing but allow for the bouncy guy to bounce me out of the film.

2) For the OverTheShoulder shots, too 'squeezed'... the way out of focus old guy, and the young guy in sharp focus, really was distracting. I personally am a fan of 'deep focus'... and will often find the use of the shallow focus 'distracting' for films that are presented here... In 'pro' films, the use of the shallow focus is often not as great as in this case, or if it is, there is a somewhat 'clear' story ground for its use.

3) Audio... on the one hand the dialog sounded 'clean' but the crackling fire did not seem to be 'mirrored' well with the rather static 'fire glow' of the lighting...

4) Delivery... back to the 'serious/comedy' issue... the delivery seemed too fast paced for a 'serious' film. Cutting the dialog 'in half'... that is giving half as much information, slowing down the speech pace, would have been better, I think...

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Perhaps not technically able to do this, but I would have pulled back from the camp fire and had an

 

[vision_filmz]

A suggestion you can do for the titles is to place them on the scene next time, you don't need to make it separate. Also what really bothered me was the framing, not really a fan of so many close and tight shots. Would have liked some wider views. Overall though I would say keep making films and don't stop, pretty good but just needs to be polished and that comes with help, experience and many times a budget

peace

 

[mimirsan]

i turned it off after the opening credits hit the fifty second mark.

sorry dude but you gotta get going if you want people to watch it.


edit: preceding comment intended to be helpful criticism

Awesome constructive crit (there is a forward button on vimeo) Watching movies at the cinema must be a nightmare for you. ADD generations sheesh!