"The Only Kite That Saved Me": A Narrative for Lonely People.

N

Nick_Lee

Well-known member

Sorry guys! I had to take this down for a little while. I was planning on reshooting a couple of the scenes but decided to abandon the project for the time being.
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This is a narrative for lonely people. This is for the everyone who can't say what they're feeling.

Shot on a 60d on 16-35mm f2.8L, 24-105mm f4L, Canon 50mm f1.4, and Rokinon 85mm f1.4.

Russ Kirn as Russ
Bonnie Harris as Jess
Jon Hurst as friend
Will Dove as Scott
Logan Kirn as young Russ

Special thanks to Andrew Donoho, Daniel Robin(Neighborhoodfilms.com), a girl who won't hear me out, Jay Liang, Jon Hurst, Miles Kendall, Patrick Perry and Tyler Molder.
 
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Hey guys,

Had to take this down for a while. For any of you who haven't seen it, I hope you get the time to see it through. Hope you enjoy it and thank you so much!
 
Foxd33 said:
Very very touching... I can relate to it and it makes me feel for the main character.
Click to expand...

Thanks fox! I know it's hard to sit through other people's work sometimes, so I really appreciate the fact that you invested your time. thank you sincerely!
 
Nick,
Good story telling short. I enjoyed it much. Loved the music and timing at 4:12. A few wind sound issues throughout, but that's life and equipment owned.
I do have one story question, one telling question, and one minor suggestion.
Why did he only get enough money for a kite in exchange for a guitar?
Why did you reveal the kite early on? Would the story telling been better if he had just alluded he sold his guitar and bought something to impress the girl - a day in the park with a kite, flowers, picnic? Revealed later.
Last, a suggestion at 2:10. Crotch shots - not good bro. :) Looks huge.
Look forward to seeing more from you. BTW - tell your actors they did great jobs.
 
Sunk99 said:
Nick,
Good story telling short. I enjoyed it much. Loved the music and timing at 4:12. A few wind sound issues throughout, but that's life and equipment owned.
I do have one story question, one telling question, and one minor suggestion.
Why did he only get enough money for a kite in exchange for a guitar?
Why did you reveal the kite early on? Would the story telling been better if he had just alluded he sold his guitar and bought something to impress the girl - a day in the park with a kite, flowers, picnic? Revealed later.
Last, a suggestion at 2:10. Crotch shots - not good bro. :) Looks huge.
Look forward to seeing more from you. BTW - tell your actors they did great jobs.
Click to expand...

Thanks for watching!

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll go backwards here.

3. Hahaha. We were in such a rush when we shot that(no permission to be on that roof), I had no idea it was happening. I'll definitely keep that in mind for next time :)
2. Can you clarify for me? Do you mean when they're sitting on the bench after they left the roof?
1. The idea was that he got money for his guitar and traded his crappy bike in for the kite. I know that's ambiguous and maybe impossible to tell...I didn't want to say this, but there was supposed to be an entire pawn shop scene but couldn't do it(location)...maybe it's better this way, who knows.

I really, really appreciate you watching this close enough to have questions like that! Exactly what I wanted. If there's anything you'd like me to check out, I'd be happy to do it!
 
Nick,
I used to write a lot of feature scripts. I think I'm pretty good at it. Never went anywhere though as I learned you have to live in LA to be in that biz. There are just too many established writers and too few scripts actually produced. Hey I enjoyed it, met lots of great people, and made a few bucks. No problem. I'm too old to follow pipe dreams when I make good money at my day job and have a wife and five kids. I'm now three years from retirement.
Comments on your script. I always found general comments worthless. I like specifics.
I love the trespassing to get the shot. Been there done that, been yelled at, and threatened, but I got my shots.
On the money/kite for the bike and guitar, I understand now that you mention it at 3:02. You shouldn't expect the audience to recall/note such minor details. The bike had nothing to do with the story. I would suggest editing out "the bike sucks" and just leave "You should have got at least $100 for your guitar." Right after that the guy says "I hope she likes flying kites." That reveals the story ending at 4:24. The story would have been more powerful if not revealed - by the way. Alternatively you could start off the entire short at the end, flying a kite, then showed how he got the kite and why. I think you also cut the entire story off too early without wrapping up the drama. Ends - boy doesn't get girl - loses his stuff, unhappy ending. You really needed to show him with $100 worth of stuff to woe said girl at the park. You could have had the girl see him flying the kite while she is walking with her crap head boyfriend (crap head revealed at first meet up - don't have him being an average joe) and simply have her smile at the kite alluding to some future between them. There are many other options - these are just a few. All about story telling. I'll recommend a book for you to read/use- http://www.amazon.com/Plots-Unlimited-Generating-Virtually-Limitless/dp/0962747602 There is also a software program. Good basic outlines.
Wish I had a short to allow you to comment on, but I have yet to write and produce such. Hopefully I'll have something for the DVX Villain Fest, though I might move to Florida next month. If so that'll kill that. Fingers crossed - I do miss my home state - 35 years all over the world. If you ever have other fairly clean draft scripts, I'll be glad to offer comments. You have talent.
 
Well done. I enjoyed this and it's rare that I can say that!

I also think the feedback of Sun99 has been good.

I'm not sure about using that song at the end for a couple of reasons. I doubt you have the rights unless the owner of the music is your uncle and I actually think that it's a little bit too easy to use such an emotive, powerful and well known song (not that I can think of the title right now!). You could put that song to images of pigs having sex and it would still be a beautiful moment.

Inspiring film though. Makes we wanna get shooting!
 
All I can really say is thank you. I'm really unsure of myself, at the moment. Feeling really inadequate and it's good to have people watch and comment honestly. If I ever get back on the notepad and end up making something, I'll definitely be posting it here. For now...I'm a bummed film student who thinks they may have made a bad decision. sigh. Thanks again.
 
Nick, it was well done, I enjoyed watching it. Yes, there are various technical things, etc. some editing, blah blah stuff to "correct", but it was a good idea that got an emotional reaction from me. I could relate to the character. Bravo!
 
You know how I know this was a good film? Even through a couple technical issues I kept watching. Even more, when I finished watching I was thinking to myself "man, I gotta get out and make another movie, I feel inspired." What really mattered was the connection to the characters, and you got that spot on. The actors were pretty good too. I especially liked the scenes with Russ and Jess...they came across as incredibly awkward which I think is actually pretty hard to do without a lot of misplaced pauses and unfortunate acting. Aside from a couple technical issues like spotty audio and lighting, I thought this was great. But hey, nothing is perfect. Either way it's a great film :)

Also, I'd like to say from one film maker to another, don't get too discouraged. People can take everything away from you, but they can never take away your expression through your art. I saw you thanked "a girl who won't hear me out." If you're anything like me, it sounds like your troubles and trials tend to come out in your writing. There may be issues with people, with shooting movies, or with life in general, but if you like making films then press on and let nothing stop you because I see future productions just getting leaps and bounds better and this is already pretty good.
 
why4009 and tommygdawg, thank you for being so encouraging. it means a lot. I had an idea for a film for the first time in months today. It was slightly reassuring. absolutely refreshing.
 
It always sucks when you get into a rut. I did my first short film, World View, a little more than a year ago. It wasn't until maybe 4 or so months after that when I started coming up with solid ideas for scripts and could actually start writing again. It's a difficult process.
 
I watched it from beginning to end and found it very enjoyable. That goes to say I watch A LOT of the shorts that come through, but this one was different for me because it had an interesting story to tell.
 
Thanks so much for the encouragement as always guys! I keep track of my vimeo views because I'm a narcissist...and it's nice to know that people are still watching this because of this forum. dvxuser is home.
 
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