The Man From Hollywood - BrianV, Profnoxin

Callaghan - I liked the Highlander comment. I hadn't really even put that one together myself. Heh. Maybe he should have been Dean McCleod of the Clan McCleod. Anyway....

Aram and Callaghan (.... and possibly Spencer?) - Thank you for the comments about the camera work/look.

One thing I've wanted to find out however.... as a film guy myself, I try often to create a look with video that could not have been achieved easily with film. In other words, a uniquely video look. In this way, I stop people from trying to compare my work to "what it would have looked like on film". In the case of The Man From Hollywood, this look was done for the motel room scene. So, enter the clipped/blown whites, the condensed color latitude, the crushed and writhing blacks, etc. What did everyone else think? I know how I feel about it, but I'd love to know how others interpreted it.

Lastly, can you put elipses in parentheses? (..... so, anyway.)
 
Aram Bauman said:
This story was confusing for a little while but when I finally got it near the end I wished the middle was as clear. I liked the edits and the grittiness but the audio killed it for me. The sound track worked I thought though. I think the ending would have been a little stronger if the guy just said the line and shot himself instead of squinting from not wanting to do it.
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Actually, there was originally no pause between "you're a real son of a *****, you know that?" and "say goodnight, jack." Easier for me to say, I guess, but it was so weak. It was like throwing away a good acting beat, or just kinda tossing the concept... half-conceived and such. I like that there's remorse or fear or at least "something" in the guy, as opposed to his "i'm playing it cool because i'm so cool in this suit" attitude. His character is laid naked, now having lost all control of not only the situation, but of his body, mind... then BOOM. Hence why we chose to keep the beat before he blows his brains out.

Good comments. Keep it rocking. :)
 
Hey Profnoxin,

Does it seem kinda odd to you that there's a voting category for sound design but not for editing?
 
Solid peice, I really liked the editing. I watched the version from your link is that the right version. Anywho I liked it keep up the good work.
 
BrianV said:
Hey Profnoxin,

Does it seem kinda odd to you that there's a voting category for sound design but not for editing?
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This is from Barry_S voting instructions:
Barry_S said:
Cinematography - How well does the filmmaker use the language of film? Camera movement, mise en scène. You can include editing in this category as well.
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Yeah, I posted elsewhere about the editing/cinematography thing, so I wont go into detail on this board. The tough part is, the editor's work gets slammed if the photography was bad and vice versa. But, you take it as it comes I guess.
 
Gotta agree with some others on the sound mix... it was really pretty bad... there was so much noise at times it was hard to hear the dialogue.

I found some of the edits a bit awkward, too quick or confusing at times. With the lousy audio and the way it was cut, I thought it made the story harder to follow.

Lighting was okay... thought the bar looked pretty good. I liked the cinematography, but the editing took away from it.

This isn't your fault really, but the soundtrack distracted me -- and that's because you seemed to be using Apple Loops, some of which I've used in my own personal projects... so it took me out of the story.

I though the acting was good for the most part.

I really did find the story hard to follow. I was able to figure it out by the end, but it only made me wish it had been clearer earlier on. Your film was one of the ones I felt had a lot of potential, but that the idea you had in your mind didn't get translated out to the audience as well as it could have. It's hard to watch a film you create and be objective about the story telling, since YOU know what it's about... but it's important to get that out to an audience who has no mind reading capabilities themselves ;)

Thanks for sharing it! I know getting a story into six minutes isn't easy!
 
Blaine said:
This is from Barry_S voting instructions:
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I read it. That's what we're discussing ;) I understand that's where you will vote for it... but just seems odd.

[edit: hey, sorry... read it again and it sounded like i was being snappy. didn't mean to, just had to post a quick response. *cheers*]
 
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EditPhish said:
Gotta agree with some others on the sound mix... it was really pretty bad... there was so much noise at times it was hard to hear the dialogue.

I found some of the edits a bit awkward, too quick or confusing at times. With the lousy audio and the way it was cut, I thought it made the story harder to follow.

Lighting was okay... thought the bar looked pretty good. I liked the cinematography, but the editing took away from it.

This isn't your fault really, but the soundtrack distracted me -- and that's because you seemed to be using Apple Loops, some of which I've used in my own personal projects... so it took me out of the story.

I though the acting was good for the most part.

I really did find the story hard to follow. I was able to figure it out by the end, but it only made me wish it had been clearer earlier on. Your film was one of the ones I felt had a lot of potential, but that the idea you had in your mind didn't get translated out to the audience as well as it could have. It's hard to watch a film you create and be objective about the story telling, since YOU know what it's about... but it's important to get that out to an audience who has no mind reading capabilities themselves ;)

Thanks for sharing it! I know getting a story into six minutes isn't easy!
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Thanks for the comments, man. Once again, as I mentioned in an earlier post, there was a knife's edge we were walking between coherent versus atmosphere... how much of one versus the other, etc.

Which cuts did you find awkward, for future reference?
 
darkfader said:
Solid peice, I really liked the editing. I watched the version from your link is that the right version. Anywho I liked it keep up the good work.
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Thanks, sir ;) (and it IS the right version... hopefully people are watching the correct version before they critique it)
 
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EditPhish - Thank you for the critiques. I'm glad you dug my photography. My favorite part about the bar scene is that both the Black and White bar and the Color one were the same... and lighting the color bar was achieved through working with the excellent practical lighting, and one 150 fresnel with a bit of Opal on it.

The tough part about the sound on this film was that the equipment we were using for the most part was what I had brought to St. Louis from L.A. This meant that we were working off of the shotgun that I had camera mounted. Further, and those of you who know me in real life already know this, that at the beginning of the last week before uploading, I landed the D.P. gig on two T.V. series. This, needless to say, severly cut down on how much help I could give during post. Subsequently, BrianV was brought on board as the Editor on these projects, and they are now destroying our lives, and all of our time for personal projects.

Lastly, on a more bizarre note, the reason I was in St. Louis at the time of filming "The Man From Hollywood", is that I had been hired to shoot a film in St. Louis on the SDX900. During the shooting of that film, I became incredibly ill, and was delirious for quite some time. I like to think that this added to the frenetically charged and harsh look of the film.

Talking to your director for two hours at 5 in the morning, only to realize that you were in fact talking to yourself, and that the actual director is standing there watching you is great fun. Ah, illness. Keep on truckin'.
 
Yeah, you were quite in a bad way. For at least a part of it you could have been declared legally insane :)
 
Disclaimer: whether your short is good, great, or grand, I will still be mostly pointing out things that I feel to be negative aspects.

As far as strengths, you had some good shots, some excellent acting, and you had what seemed to be a great idea for the film, although the idea was unclear at many points.

Weaknesses seemed to be most apparent in the script and the audio. Because of the way the script was written, it was unclear as to what was going on... the plot was somewhat incoherent. The audio needed to be far clearer for the dialog. There were several lines that I just couldn't hear at all. Some of the audio transitions were a bit rough as well.

I had trouble believing that the agent(?) didn't know the name of the man he was beating up. Usually when interrogating someone, you know their name.

Overall, some really good ideas that just need some tweaking. I loved the credits!
 
Very good point Pasty... this is something that got left on the editing room floor. He is originally referenced as Sean Oliver by the agent, and then later, the "Boss" calls him Olivet, which leads the Agent to recognize him as Dean Olivet, the 50's actor. We dropped the bit with Sean Oliver because it wasn't necessary for the plot that you know him going under an assumed name. The only trace of this is that the Bartender references hims as Sean, not Dean.

In the end, even though you noticed it, it doesn't really matter. The Agent could just as easily have been handed a photo and an adress, and been told to "Keep this guy busy."

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to let you all in a little bit of behind the scenes action.
 
Bar Scene Folley...

what are you poring into that glass.

It looks like votka but sounded like soda or beer all fizzy.


What gives?
 
THX-1138 said:
Bar Scene Folley...

what are you poring into that glass.

It looks like votka but sounded like soda or beer all fizzy.


What gives?
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What gives is that Soundtrack Pro is a dry campus ;) hehe

[edit: that or the bartender is cheap and has vodka and soda already mixed. what a jerk ;) ]

pastywhiteboy said:
I had trouble believing that the agent(?) didn't know the name of the man he was beating up. Usually when interrogating someone, you know their name.
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I'd have to confer with profnoxin... he never really interrogates him, or asks any questions other than the general goon phrases. Kirk the goon is really just a meat tenderizer for when the real talker comes in: Eric.

A game of bad cop, bad cop... bad in their different ways.

But still, a very good point... and I'm glad that by the end you enjoyed the short. We definately have some good notes for focus for next time... and there WILL be a next time :)

Thanks all, and we'd love more comments! Critique is good! :)
 
What?

What?

I am very confused. I thought of your short as a broken piece of pottery on the floor. "I wish I could have seen that before it fell off that mantle up there and shattered into hundreds of little pieces." It's sad because you had some nice camera work in what is other wise an overwhelmingly confusing story. I don't want to be negative, I want to be constructively critical...but if that's negative so be it.
 
granny said:
I am very confused. I thought of your short as a broken piece of pottery on the floor. "I wish I could have seen that before it fell off that mantle up there and shattered into hundreds of little pieces." It's sad because you had some nice camera work in what is other wise an overwhelmingly confusing story. I don't want to be negative, I want to be constructively critical...but if that's negative so be it.
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Indeed. And very well understood. Good analogy, by the way :) Thanks.
 
Hey Brian.

Overall I enjoyed your short. There was a nice look and feel to it at times. Liked the credits. Felt the acting was pretty strong. Your lead had a good look and presence to him.

The biggest drawback technically for me was the uneven audio. I know what a ***** getting clean audio can be, but it really makes a huge difference. Levels were off, there was hiss, there wasn't hiss. Takes you out of it.

The execution could have been a little tighter. It seemed to drag a little here and there as I felt we weren't really getting important information at times.

Very nice cinematography throughout. Really enjoyed your DPs work.

My last negative is just a pet peeve of mine...the smoking. Ug.

Overall a solid effort with some real potential. Nice work!

-Robert
 
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