The Letter: Short Film

chrismagicc

chrismagicc

Well-known member
A short film I shot, cut, color graded etc...for school. What are your thoughts, what could be better?
I want to enter this into film festivals, and i am looking for some in depth critique.
btw Im only 16 :)

hope you enjoy!

NEW EDIT!

http://vimeo.com/12092445
 
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I thought it was a great little piece. Very well shot except the hospital scene. I was hooked from the imagery and the edit until it got to the hospital scene. I think if you did some dressing in the hospital scene and maybe not so locked down, it would have been more interesting. Also there was a shot 1:33 where he was out of focus. Other than that the story was told and told well and your grading got a lot better since the last time I saw your work!

Gold Star!
 
Really good. You're only 16? Honestly, man. Just go make a feature film. Your shot choice is great. When you cut is great. Your direction and film making out shined your actors. This is better than most things out on the internet I see. I love that you know how to use wide shots. Who are your favorite directors?
 
some nice shots, you know when youre going handheld, dont do that without tripod turned upside down,you can mount cam on screw if you have it on both ends ofyour tripod,spread its legs and you will see it helps a lot.
 
Well, color me impressed. Really subtle, nice little piece. Great images, loved the soundtrack, really great shot choice. Only real criticism I have is about that hospital scene which was a real break in the flow of the movie.

Since it's a short and everything, have you tried a cut without it? I think the story will still work. Car wreck, wakes up in the hospital, cue running scene. Just a thought!

Good stuff man. Really good stuff.
 
First off...well done! You've got a future in this if you'd like.

Now, the critique.

First:
The hospital room was the low point. The first shot my eyes immediately went to the shadows on the wall, i.e. the balloon. Then I started looking for shadows in every shot...too harsh and noticeable. Also, the audio was way too hollow...need to be more diligent there. Bad audio is much more noticeable than bad video/film. You can have a marginal or bad shot, but if the audio is good it'll carry.

Second:
I liked the shot from the hood mount the first time around. Then, after he delivered the letter you had the same exact shot. It would have been better to change the camera position, even if you kept the hood mount idea. That would have done a better job of convincing me of the passing of time.

Those are what I came up with off the top of my head. Otherwise, I liked it!

Forrest
 
Forrest Burger said:
First off...well done! You've got a future in this if you'd like.

Now, the critique.

First:
The hospital room was the low point. The first shot my eyes immediately went to the shadows on the wall, i.e. the balloon. Then I started looking for shadows in every shot...too harsh and noticeable. Also, the audio was way too hollow...need to be more diligent there. Bad audio is much more noticeable than bad video/film. You can have a marginal or bad shot, but if the audio is good it'll carry.

Second:
I liked the shot from the hood mount the first time around. Then, after he delivered the letter you had the same exact shot. It would have been better to change the camera position, even if you kept the hood mount idea. That would have done a better job of convincing me of the passing of time.

Those are what I came up with off the top of my head. Otherwise, I liked it!

Forrest
Click to expand...

While I liked it as well I must agree with everything you said. The hospital scene to me is a no go, it just doesn't seem right. Second the same exact car mount scene as well just did not seem right.

Overall though great piece just needs to be tightened up a bit.
 
Good job man!
Really like the compostions, good grading, good direction, excellent use of sound to sell the car "crash". Also agree with Forrest about liking the hood mount but not coming back to the exact same shot. I like the hospital scene fine visually, but the audio needed to be closer miked. Also some of Sarah's lines earlier were a little distant sounding. One more thing would be giving the lead a couple of scrapes and bruises after the crash to really sell the hospital scene.

Couple questions: What camera, what lenses and which car mount?

Thnx for sharing :)
 
Overall a pretty good job.
Here's some more critique for you - Mostly on the audio side.

(:35) You do a rack focus from the POV of the guy in the car to the guy and girl walking. Sounds like Camera focus noise or something. I'd cover that up.

(2:32) I like the car crash but to me ..... i think you could have taken a few more seconds before jumping into the hospital. That was the perfect moment for a little more sound design or the correct use of music.

(5:00) The music track fades out harsh and fade back in harsh.

Overall, I like the visuals but the soundscape felt a little narrow/compressed. Not open. The sound design didn't totally sell me.

That was just watching it once so it's first impression. But you wanted critique so there you have it. Still it was a good job, just push as hard with the audio choices as the visuals.
 
Rakesh Jacob said:
Good job man!
Really like the compostions, good grading, good direction, excellent use of sound to sell the car "crash". Also agree with Forrest about liking the hood mount but not coming back to the exact same shot. I like the hospital scene fine visually, but the audio needed to be closer miked. Also some of Sarah's lines earlier were a little distant sounding. One more thing would be giving the lead a couple of scrapes and bruises after the crash to really sell the hospital scene.

Couple questions: What camera, what lenses and which car mount?

Thnx for sharing :)
Click to expand...

thank you for all the critiquing!
to answer your last questions:
I used a T2i and 7d (only for bus and scene)
lenses varied, from the kit lens, to my nikon 50mm f1.4 and a sigma 30mm f1.4.
for the wide shot of him running out of the hospital, i used a canon ef 10-22mm.

the car mount is actually just a suction mount my friend got on amazon for 18$, then we screwed in his tripod mount to the top of it. very DIY!

i will post all the technical stuff in another post...
 
carlone said:
Overall a pretty good job.
Here's some more critique for you - Mostly on the audio side.

(:35) You do a rack focus from the POV of the guy in the car to the guy and girl walking. Sounds like Camera focus noise or something. I'd cover that up.

(2:32) I like the car crash but to me ..... i think you could have taken a few more seconds before jumping into the hospital. That was the perfect moment for a little more sound design or the correct use of music.

(5:00) The music track fades out harsh and fade back in harsh.

Overall, I like the visuals but the soundscape felt a little narrow/compressed. Not open. The sound design didn't totally sell me.

That was just watching it once so it's first impression. But you wanted critique so there you have it. Still it was a good job, just push as hard with the audio choices as the visuals.
Click to expand...

Ive noticed the rack focus, and it does sound like me focusing...and for the hospital transition i think you are totally right! i will add a few more seconds to let it sink in for the audience...

and for the audio fades, i will make the fadout at 5:00 smoother/longer

thanks again guys!
 
Now for all the technical stuff!
basically this project was a technical disaster!!
AUDIO:
For audio during the morning scene we used the zoom h4n (a friends) and an old sony boom mic! unfortunately when I synced the takes, one take had a super loud buzzing, not only that but the boom mic chord was hitting the boom pole....
a couple of the lines sarah says, are dubbed and i added an equalizer to try to match them with the original good audio...so for that morning scene I had half the audio working! I would have cut the morning scene completely differently if the audio was working, but with the combination of continuity errors and such, i did my best haha!

For the rest of the short, we used an audio technica boom mic attached to my edirol r-09. This came from the hospital scene, where we had major audio problems as my other group member didnt mic the actors close enough causing us to pump the gain in post....

all other audio, atmosphere, footsteps etc was found off freesound.org

VIDEO:
this unfortunately was also a complete mess. I used my trusty t2i throughout (except for the bus scene which was a friends 7d). It was great! I kept my shutter at 50, used some nds to expose etc.

lenses used: kit lens, nikon 50mm f1.4, sigma 30mm f1.4, canon ef 10-22mm f3.5-4.5. (all my friends lenses except for the kit and nikon)

most of the short was naturally lit.
the letter writing scene of the dolly in was a fun one. I used my diy dolly and our school supplied us with two, not three lowel 250watt hair lights...poop... I did my best hiding them etc, but they just dont output enough

for the hospital, i used the two lowels again, one was on the right side of the curtain, out of frame. This exposed the main actors face and acted as a hair light (its formal use) but created harsh shadows etc. The other light was setup to the left of the camera, near the wall to expose the main actors friend. This also created shadows etc (btw i used a blue gel in front of that lowel to change the color temp to 3200k blah blah blah. But all in all its still sucked!, I had nothing to put in the blank white walls and the shadows were really distracting.

when he picks up the letter, that scene was also a huge pain! For some reason, the apartment we used to shoot, was the only one without an overhead light. I was working with literally NO LIGHT! i had to bump up the iso to a cringing 3200....

but whatever, im only in highschool anyways haha! some softboxes and or coollights/kino's would have been great! and some higher wattage hard lights, maybe a couple 750watt etc.

ACTORS:
the actors were just friends/classmates...not really actors obviously :) the director, dylan redford (yes he is a redford) because they looked mature etc.

More feedback?
I was hoping i could get some more feedback on the actual story, script as mr dylan r. was hoping to get some too :)

thanks again guys
 
"I was hoping for at least a little critiquing!"

Okay. This is a great effort, but it could have used better build up / plot.

In order to get me on the guy's side, I need a reason. The letter thing didn't seem to work, although with some changes it could.

1. They have the fight / break up. Don't use "We're on a break," as that is now a tired cliche thanks to Friends.

2. He writes a break up letter, mails it.

3. He somehow learns something that gives him a change of heart... and he has to race to intercept the letter before she reads it.

4. Car accident.

5. Racing from hospital to intercept letter.

... ?

The current opening didn't serve to get the story rolling, in my opinion. The second guy in the hospital room -- who the hell's that, and why resort to all this exposition? I was about to click it off, when he ran out of the hospital, at least leading to some potential. The current hospital scene doesn't work.
 
Very touching.

I thought the hospital scene could have used some more camera movement, but overall good.

I like the momvement when hes writing hte letter at the desk, and when hes running, and good mixture of shots to show the traveling.

I also though the pacing was good. I think maybe you could trim a little here and there but nothing glaring.

well done
 
polfilmblog said:
"I was hoping for at least a little critiquing!"

Okay. This is a great effort, but it could have used better build up / plot.

In order to get me on the guy's side, I need a reason. The letter thing didn't seem to work, although with some changes it could.

1. They have the fight / break up. Don't use "We're on a break," as that is now a tired cliche thanks to Friends.

2. He writes a break up letter, mails it.

3. He somehow learns something that gives him a change of heart... and he has to race to intercept the letter before she reads it.

4. Car accident.

5. Racing from hospital to intercept letter.

... ?

The current opening didn't serve to get the story rolling, in my opinion. The second guy in the hospital room -- who the hell's that, and why resort to all this exposition? I was about to click it off, when he ran out of the hospital, at least leading to some potential. The current hospital scene doesn't work.
Click to expand...


about the opening, i totally agree! Dylan and I were thinking about adding in a little 'home movie' style montage of the couple when they were going out. make it cute so you feel for the guy. Then start the film with him writing the letter

and that will compensate for cutting out the hospital....

I am very happy with how thorough you guys are! im glad my short can tell the same story in such a short time span :)
 
Dude, that's awesome work. Really, really good.

Critiquewhise:

The sudden change of color grading where he lies in a hospital with the outside in a blue tint to a yellow sunshine-commercial look is a little drastic. The shot choice is great, some ultra-closeups (like eye-only when he wakes up in the hospital or something less cheesy) would probably improve the visual impression. I was least excited about the park scene. Beatiful lighting in many of the settings.

Keep it up :-)


Gentle
 
Tobias Deml said:
Dude, that's awesome work. Really, really good.

Critiquewhise:

The sudden change of color grading where he lies in a hospital with the outside in a blue tint to a yellow sunshine-commercial look is a little drastic. The shot choice is great, some ultra-closeups (like eye-only when he wakes up in the hospital or something less cheesy) would probably improve the visual impression. I was least excited about the park scene. Beatiful lighting in many of the settings.

Keep it up :-)


Gentle
Click to expand...

thanks a bunch, means a lot! ill look into the color grading change thanks!
 
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