"The Explorers."

I love mess-with-your-head/wtf types of films and this definitely falls into that category. The reaction at seeing himself needs more work, maybe better pacing and also the ending and beginning descriptions/visuals need to be immediately identifiable as the same with you having to tell us that. Other than that, all I can say is well done and thank you for the story.
 
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I never saw the Twilight Zone episode. But I was very entertained by this story. Witty dialogue, though it could be tightened up a little in areas. I think the banter between the two is the best part of the script.
It does seem to end quickly and a little more reaction after he sees himself dead. But then again, if I saw myself dead, I'd probably just turn tail and run too.

I like stories that come back around like this. You got "skills" ;)
 
Good story. Which feels similar to something else (not sure if it's the one you mentioned). Some really funny moments of dialog.

Only note, is that it ended too quickly for me. I was reading it felt like it just ended.
 
Interesting take on fate vs. free will. I thought the twist was nice, if a little bit predictable. I have to admit, I liked the banter between the droid and the astronaut better than the plot. The dialogue was great and had some humorous tones that worked really well. I got the impression that the astronaut is possibly a bit insane due to being crammed into a small ship with only a boring droid for company. Maybe he needs a vacation. I would love to see this relationship explored in greater detail. When he said “I hope it’s not a xenomorph” (nice nod towards Aliens), I was almost hoping it would turn into a situation where they were being hunted by a hostile alien. I think that you could take this story in many different directions at this point.

In the original Twilight Zone episode, did the astronaut have a droid or was he with other astronauts? If the droid is your creation I think you could spin this story off in different directions, thus making it your own so that you don’t have to worry about copyright mumbo jumbo.

Technical details:
Shouldn’t (A BEAT) be (beat) and in the same dialogue block?
On page 6 in the astronaut’s first piece of dialogue you capitalized the word Atmospheric.
Xenomorphe should be xenomorph.
You went a tiny bit over the 6 page limit, but only a few lines so no worries.

All in all a good read. I would love to see this produced. I love this kind of sci-fi, an average Joe alone out in the vast reaches of space without any super powers or ridiculously advanced technology. I can picture the inside of the pod being covered with tons of switches and controls. Maybe a bit like the worn and industrial look that worked so well in films like Alien and Aliens, Outland, and 2001, among others.
 
Nice job, I really felt the classic show vibe with some nice updates from your style of writing. Good adaptation. It was witty and chilling although it went by fairly quick and the shock value suffered because of it, no worries though. Keep it up.
 
I love a good C-57-D reference. :D

Not familiar with the TZ ep, so can't really comment on that aspect, but it's a good take on the "no way out" scenario where the character can't escape his destiny.

Not meant as criticism, because I don't know for sure--but I always thought it was "Arcturian" in Aliens, referencing the star Arcturus.
 
Nektonic said:
Interesting take on fate vs. free will. I thought the twist was nice, if a little bit predictable. I have to admit, I liked the banter between the droid and the astronaut better than the plot. The dialogue was great and had some humorous tones that worked really well. I got the impression that the astronaut is possibly a bit insane due to being crammed into a small ship with only a boring droid for company. Maybe he needs a vacation. I would love to see this relationship explored in greater detail. When he said “I hope it’s not a xenomorph” (nice nod towards Aliens), I was almost hoping it would turn into a situation where they were being hunted by a hostile alien. I think that you could take this story in many different directions at this point.

In the original Twilight Zone episode, did the astronaut have a droid or was he with other astronauts? If the droid is your creation I think you could spin this story off in different directions, thus making it your own so that you don’t have to worry about copyright mumbo jumbo.

Technical details:
Shouldn’t (A BEAT) be (beat) and in the same dialogue block?
On page 6 in the astronaut’s first piece of dialogue you capitalized the word Atmospheric.
Xenomorphe should be xenomorph.
You went a tiny bit over the 6 page limit, but only a few lines so no worries.

All in all a good read. I would love to see this produced. I love this kind of sci-fi, an average Joe alone out in the vast reaches of space without any super powers or ridiculously advanced technology. I can picture the inside of the pod being covered with tons of switches and controls. Maybe a bit like the worn and industrial look that worked so well in films like Alien and Aliens, Outland, and 2001, among others.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the detailed comments ! :beer:

Captain Pierce said:
I love a good C-57-D reference. :D

Not familiar with the TZ ep, so can't really comment on that aspect, but it's a good take on the "no way out" scenario where the character can't escape his destiny.

Not meant as criticism, because I don't know for sure--but I always thought it was "Arcturian" in Aliens, referencing the star Arcturus.
Click to expand...

I never thought of that or knew about this star. :huh: :dankk2:
 
Nektonic said:
In the original Twilight Zone episode, did the astronaut have a droid or was he with other astronauts? If the droid is your creation I think you could spin this story off in different directions, thus making it your own so that you don’t have to worry about copyright mumbo jumbo.
Click to expand...

in the twilight zone episode he's with humans but the plot and the twist are identical. there is no way this could be filmed in its current state without legal ramifications relating to said "mumbo jumbo".
 
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