"The Explorers."

J.R. Hudson

J.R. Hudson

Spirit Animal
I wrtoe this short based on a Twilsight Zone epsiode called "DEATH SHIP". I have never seen this episode but only know the synopsis. :beer:
 
Lol

Just a quick one I busted out. Based off a synop and idea. I'd like to do it, but not sure if I can logistically. We'll see.
 
Great dialogue. Very good story.

I love the line, "The Droid looks away, unamused due to logic."

good work!
 
i have no criticism save for the fact that is too similar to the twilight episode it's based on. you didn't really stretch you legs at all in regard to the source material. same concept but with a tag-along star wars-like robot which succeeds only in making this a more expensive prospect to film than whats it's based on (assuming you somehow acquired the necessary legal rights to even begin worrying about budget)
 
Cool. There's also a "X Minus 1" episode (1940's radio drama) similar to this. The only criticism I can raise is that it reads as a first draft (like you said it was). I think a lot of the dialogue isn't needed or redundant when filmed. Otherwise this would make an interesting short.
 
I have never seen the twilight episode either. It was a good read. Good use of visual descriptions. My take on it was that it was a circular story line. Those are my favorite, like 12 monkeys and terminator.

The beginning starts with the pod landing on the planet, which is actually the ending. He sees himself dead on the planet and flys away, but returns back to the planet, only to crash and cycle continues.

Only issue with me is the quick turn around of astronaut when he saw himself. Felt a little unnatural for him to take off so quickly and fly off the planet. Maybe more some examination into the ship, his body, made sure it was himself and not a mirage or trick of his eyes... or maybe allude to something about the atmosphere of the place causes highten fear, aniety, or weaken's one logic. so thus makes more sense for him to flee so quickly. Astronauts are very logical people.

Like the part "my programs are incapable of being hacked... exactly" can be read so many ways...
 
A lot more humor in this one that I expected. I laughed out loud at several of the exchanges between the characters. That also goes a long way towards making them feel like real people instead of just characters in a script. Excellent job on that front.

Like Ian I too wonder if it's too similar to the Twilight Zone episode. I wonder how else you could play with the concept. Still the final image is as chilling as it is exciting.
 
Thanks for reading.

I too wondered if it was too similar; I know of the story of course. I ran with it.

I never intended to enter necessarily, just wrote it in a moment of inspiration.

I'd like to do it and am not sure of any copywrite issues at this point. (Not what you do, how one does it?)

I too feel some stuff needs trimming while stretching other areas, but I think when I started writing I was just having fun with the interaction fo the characters.
 
I read a few out of order and then I continued in reverse, starting with Vodou.
Just hit this one.

I really enjoyed it. Great dialogue, nice scene descriptions as well.
Loved the ending. I'm a sucker for that sort of ending. :)

Witty dialogue, good stuff.

Cheers,

Mike
 
I liked the dialog as well, but the movie seemed to end too quickly for me. The story explained what happened, but I didn't feel the characters really get into their situation or feel the impact that seeing yourself dead would have had on a person. That would have freaked me out.

But awesome exchange between the characters. My favorite part was the mention of the Octarian women. Great Aliens reference.

A good mystery script!
 
Thanks for reading

I really should have tightened it prior to submitting (No excuses)

There are a few more references to certain films in it as well.
 
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