SHORT: The Devoir. "A Hitman Shows No Remorse."

Nice short. I watched it on my phone, so I really didn't get a chance to listen to the sound very well, so I can't comment on that aspect. I thought the story here was pretty good and there was good build up to what happens at the end. I think it could be edited tighter though, like in the beginning for instance. There's all this hand-to-hand stuff going and we know it's going somewhere, but we're supposed to try and figure it out. The shot of the guy walking to the porch I think is a tad bit too long. It seemed as if we were following him, because something was going to happen with him. Since it didn't, I'm thinking we don't have to see him go all the way from the car to the porch like that. I would just edit that and make it go faster (with shorter shots0 as with some of the other stuff. I thought you had some really good angles for several shots, like the guns being pointed, but some of the other angles, like the Asian guy talking to the black guy at the end - something seemed a little off and it could have been my compression from the phone, but it also seemed a little dark. The best sequence was definitely towards the end with the guy walks up behind the other guy and shoots. Valiant effort!
 
A few questions:

Is the sound totaly removed because it was a disaster in the first scenes (before the title) ?

It can be a choise also.... But what if it was without music, and the sound of the car....the sound of giving the package, the sound of driving away (with that tipical...vrooooom iiiiiiiiiiii sound)

I would liked it more if it was completly without sound (and piano music, like when there was only black and white)...then deleting the sound because it was bad....and leaving some parts
with sound.
 
Marlon Ladd said:
Nice short. I watched it on my phone, so I really didn't get a chance to listen to the sound very well, so I can't comment on that aspect. I thought the story here was pretty good and there was good build up to what happens at the end. I think it could be edited tighter though, like in the beginning for instance. There's all this hand-to-hand stuff going and we know it's going somewhere, but we're supposed to try and figure it out. The shot of the guy walking to the porch I think is a tad bit too long. It seemed as if we were following him, because something was going to happen with him. Since it didn't, I'm thinking we don't have to see him go all the way from the car to the porch like that. I would just edit that and make it go faster (with shorter shots0 as with some of the other stuff. I thought you had some really good angles for several shots, like the guns being pointed, but some of the other angles, like the Asian guy talking to the black guy at the end - something seemed a little off and it could have been my compression from the phone, but it also seemed a little dark. The best sequence was definitely towards the end with the guy walks up behind the other guy and shoots. Valiant effort!
Click to expand...

Thanks. It was my first short in college. I shot it very quick in a day with no real mic. So, not very professional. I know. lol. Yours and dre83's advice is very helpful for the next time I make a similar short.
 
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