The bad neighbor...

A

alveraz

Veteran
So about two months ago a neighbor moved in, seemed like a nice enough guy. Over the month we've become decent acquaintances. I wouldn't call him a great friend or anything but we've come to the point where we can chat about our wives and share some stories, etc. In all honesty though, he's pretty damn arrogant, self-serving and pretty OCD in a jerky way about random things (but that's another story).

He's one of those dudes who talks about himself so much one day you realize he knows absolutely nothing about you, but you know everything about him and how "great he is". It's become kinda funny, I'll purposely bring up something I did that day just to see how long it takes him to switch the conversation into something about him.

He's slowly become a guy I wouldn't ever consider building a friendship with. To be honest, the only reason I still chat with the guy is he's a real successful industry type who's frankly a connection I can't afford to lose (or can I?).

So I've been putting up with some strange "favors" from him. I have a kid brother that's taken over my photography business for me and it turns out this neighbor has been asking my brother to do all this free photography stuff for him, using my pro-equipment. My brother is a sweet-heart and has been doing it all for free. I was cool about it at first but then I caught my neighbor pretty much demanding his help on this project. Kinda pissed me off considering this is my equipment and all, but I let it slide.

Anyway, there's been numerous things like this lately. He left on vacation and asked us to get his mail for him while he was gone. I personally wouldnt feel comfortable asking my neighbor to do this, but we did it for him anyway.

So get this, he just emailed me and said he plans to stay on this vacation for another month and wants me to walk his dog every night at 10pm since his wife (whom he left here at home) has a newborn. He doesn't want to bother her, considering he hasn't told her yet that he plans to stay on vacation for another month. So he figures it'll soften the blow by telling her "don't worry about the dog, Al will walk him every night".

What a douche, he just had his first baby and splits to Europe a week afterwards and then decides to stay for another month, leaving his wife and kid, then asks his neighbor to walk his friggin' dog for him, like I'm some day-laborer. The balls on this guy! My wife just about hit the floor laughing when she heard his request. Being parents of two kids we were pretty much disgusted. The first thing out my wifes mouth was, "welcome to parenthood, as*hole, it's inconvenient, but that's what you signed up for".

Anyway, I told him I would not be walking his dog. I have a feeling this is going to get awkward real quick. Not sure if I articulated how jerky this dude is, but trust me, he's an ass and completely bottled up in his own world where he is entitled to everything at anyone's cost.

I'm seriously at a loss with this dude. I've never met someone like this. Thanks for letting me rant. I'm just not good at telling someone to F off but have a feeling I'm about to make that leap. Have any of you ever experienced anything like this? How did you handle it?
 
This is easy. Real easy.

You meet such people in this industry, constantly.

Problem:

1)You think he might be a good connection, so you don't want to lose him if you refuse doing favors for him
2)But the favors are a huge hassle.

Solution:

1)Go ahead and do the favor for him, HOWEVER
2)At the earliest opportunity after you've done the first couple of favors for him, ask him for a favor you need in return - i.e. ask for whatever you thought his connection could give you.

a)If it transpires that there is nothing that you can think of to actually ask of him - you have your answer. It means, that he is only apparently a good connection for you. In fact he is not, it was your imagination all along. So now you can safely drop him - refuse him any further favors, and your problem is solved - you stop being hassled, and you lost nothing. This is a common problem in the industry - the types who seem like they might be a useful connection, but are actually useless to you.

b)If he REFUSES to do you the favor you asked of him in return, then you know who you are dealing with. You are dealing with a jerk who will use you up like a squeezed lemon and throw you away when you have no more juice left, and he'll give you nothing in return. Drop him - you only give him the first squeeze, a freebie. AND ASKING for a favor is easy, because it comes on the heels of you having just done him a solid - it is a natural human reaction. You'll put him on the spot. He will understand perfectly - quid pro quo. If he comes up with excuses, YOU DROP him - he'll get it. He will feel like he deserved it - you did a favor, you IMMEDIATELY asked for one in return. The key here is to ask for the favor in return REAL FAST - IMMEDIATELY after you did him the favor, so the connection between the favors is crystal clear (yeah, I'll walk your dog. Hey, can you introduce me to X and recommend me for that job? Cool man, thanks! Oh, you can't? You know what, let me look at my schedule - damn, sorry, I can't walk your dog, something just came up, bye!").

c)He does the favor for you in return - good, you just gained something for your trouble. The key here going forward is to ALWAYS immediately ask for a favor in return - so he doesn't get into the habit of asking for 10 favors from you for every one he gives you. Train him to think carefully what he asks for, cause he'll have to pay back EVERY TIME.

As you can see, the solution is simple - always ask for something in return immediately. That way, you immediately know who you are dealing with, you immediately put his usefulness to the test, you free yourself from a jerk, or you get something in return every time. Problem solved, case closed.

Having been in this business for many years, I've used this method successfully. It quickly weeds out the jerks, and cultivates the good contacts. Good luck!
 
Great advice, I actually followed it already with him and he never came through, this is what led me to slowly separate myself from this joker.

Thanks.
 
What a....... this people drive me crazy. and all this one month more on vacation doesn't sound very good........ Poor wife......
 
ilauzirika said:
What a....... this people drive me crazy. and all this one month more on vacation doesn't sound very good........ Poor wife......
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That's what irritates me the most. I don't trust anyone who would treat their first-born and wife that way, it's just not cool anyway you cut it.
 
What a douche.

people like this are insecure alpha types. Me, me, me me.

I just act casual if he makes a big deal about it' like "What?"

Stray far from him. you don't need a negative influence in your life, someone who takes and never gives.
 
J.R. Hudson said:
What a douche.

people like this are insecure alpha types. Me, me, me me.

I just act casual if he makes a big deal about it' like "What?"

Stray far from him. you don't need a negative influence in your life, someone who takes and never gives.
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The problem is that this douche could be the next Harvey Weinstein. I've met a lot of these high profile producers and many are exactly like the douche you described. So decline the dog walking duty but make up a lame excuse, like you're allergic or something. As Sam Jackson said, "The legs you walk over today may be attached to the ass you'll have to kiss tomorrow."
 
Yea, I know some of these guys too. My producer friend has a saying about people like this and it goes a little something like this: "If I see yo' ass the street..." (Yeah, he coined that one). Basically we had some people we were doing favors for and had done some for us and they screwed us. So we took all our stuff back. Later this guy calls me about things they did for us and how they wanted payment and if not they'll see me in court. So I was like that's nice but I got these emails here...(emails can be used in small claims). That shut him up. He starts getting all nice like, "Hey, nothing personal..." and blah blah blah. Right. Stop trying to screw people over @$$hole! Kick this guy to the curb Alveraz, ASAP! Let his dog walk itself. See how that works out for him.

-Nate
 
alveraz said:
I'll purposely bring up something I did that day just to see how long it takes him to switch the conversation into something about him. SNIPPED
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Hey I DO listen to your stories. Now, if you don't mind, when you walk the dog make sure to pick up his poop. I don't want the other neighbors to think ill of me. There's a stack of ziplocks on the back porch you can use. And if you don't mind, put the full ziplocks in YOUR trash, I'm worried the new baby will get germs.
 
Could be worse. We moved into a house, and I got to know the neighbor and at first he seemed ok. We'd sit around and bullshit, have a few beers... but then he started drinking heavily, like he was a drunk, but stopped before we moved in and started going back to killing a 12 pack by 3PM. On top of this, he was paranoid-sociopath ex Marine from the Viet Nam War. It got really kind of shaky, to the point of him coming up with lies, making death threats, calling cops... I seriously was ready to put him down just to be able to sleep soundly. We eventually sold the house, but that whole 5 years was a nightmare.
 
This is probably not the popular response, but this is why I just ignore my neighbors. I mean, I wave and say hi if I see them while I'm walking my dogs.....but other than that I don't try to make buddies. My carpool partner says it's b/c I'm an as*. And I think he's right! :)
 
DivotDan said:
This is probably not the popular response, but this is why I just ignore my neighbors. I mean, I wave and say hi if I see them while I'm walking my dogs.....but other than that I don't try to make buddies. My carpool partner says it's b/c I'm an as*. And I think he's right! :)
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I've always appreciated the expression "Good fences make for good neighbors". The reason it's not too smart to get chummy with neighbors is the same reason you don't want to get too close to your boss. You're not an a**, you're smart. I don't mean that as a dig against the OP, because getting a spot on the Hollywood pyramid is tough and you have do what you have to do.
 
DivotDan said:
This is probably not the popular response, but this is why I just ignore my neighbors. I mean, I wave and say hi if I see them while I'm walking my dogs.....but other than that I don't try to make buddies. My carpool partner says it's b/c I'm an as*. And I think he's right! :)
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Couldn't agree more. I'm friendly, but we're not "friends".
I have plenty of friends who don't live right next door to me. :)
 
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