"The Assignment' new short shot on XH-A1 and 7D
- Thread starter brdplya1
- Start date
Moojangles
Well-known member
Ok, just watched it. The total running time was over 8 minutes, I think you could tell the same story in about 3 - 5 min with much better pacing. It really slooooooooows down too often. And the twist doesn't make sense. The audience has pretty much guessed what will happen at the end and the "twist" isn't explained, there's no connection, no reveal, no real reason for the events we witnessed.
The cinematography was pretty good for the most part although some shots went a little dutch for no reason, check your level or really dutch it. There was some odd cuts from very wide to Very close, try going to something more in-between which will make cutting back and forth more seamless and will work better.
The colour balance seemed to change from shot to shot in locations where it should be uniform, this film really needed some nice Cyan-style grading, it was too Warm. Some cool colour temps would have made it seem more like an office environment and more espionage esque.
The second gun-shot death was great, read well on camera and the blood effects sold it well. The first one, the actor anticipated the action. You can see him react before anything has happened. Should have shot that one again.
I found that a lot of scenes where actors would walk through frame, you would often hold on that shot for a second or two after they have cleared frame, it read as pointless and elongated shots that were already too long, trim the fat, pick up the pace. The entire opening sequence with the guy at the desk where he calls his secretary should be cut, it does nothing to further the story.
There is too much walking, stopping, contemplating, contemplating, contemplating... we get it, he's thinking. Use the scene at home with the wife instead of the rest of the slow boring nothing is happening scenes.
Create a secondary plot point that explains the twist instead of trying to shove the fact that he is thinking about the document down our throats.
Here's what I would do: After we see the first character leave with the document, call in the second guy (the guy with glasses who appears at the end) and secretively hand him a second folder. Establish him as another character early on.
Then maybe do a flashback at the end of the film with the main office guy standing over his desk with photos of both of them with the words "Decomissioned" stamped on them or something... i'm not a writer but anyways you get the idea.
That's my criticism, i think your camera work is good but the direction and writing is lacking. You have the beginning of a great piece, just work on the storyline, work out each element so it is clear, interesting and keeps things moving.
Hope this helps!
The cinematography was pretty good for the most part although some shots went a little dutch for no reason, check your level or really dutch it. There was some odd cuts from very wide to Very close, try going to something more in-between which will make cutting back and forth more seamless and will work better.
The colour balance seemed to change from shot to shot in locations where it should be uniform, this film really needed some nice Cyan-style grading, it was too Warm. Some cool colour temps would have made it seem more like an office environment and more espionage esque.
The second gun-shot death was great, read well on camera and the blood effects sold it well. The first one, the actor anticipated the action. You can see him react before anything has happened. Should have shot that one again.
I found that a lot of scenes where actors would walk through frame, you would often hold on that shot for a second or two after they have cleared frame, it read as pointless and elongated shots that were already too long, trim the fat, pick up the pace. The entire opening sequence with the guy at the desk where he calls his secretary should be cut, it does nothing to further the story.
There is too much walking, stopping, contemplating, contemplating, contemplating... we get it, he's thinking. Use the scene at home with the wife instead of the rest of the slow boring nothing is happening scenes.
Create a secondary plot point that explains the twist instead of trying to shove the fact that he is thinking about the document down our throats.
Here's what I would do: After we see the first character leave with the document, call in the second guy (the guy with glasses who appears at the end) and secretively hand him a second folder. Establish him as another character early on.
Then maybe do a flashback at the end of the film with the main office guy standing over his desk with photos of both of them with the words "Decomissioned" stamped on them or something... i'm not a writer but anyways you get the idea.
That's my criticism, i think your camera work is good but the direction and writing is lacking. You have the beginning of a great piece, just work on the storyline, work out each element so it is clear, interesting and keeps things moving.
Hope this helps!
Ok, you have some techincal issues id like to talk about.
I feel the edit is a little to long, and could use some trimming.
Some of the shots are a little jarring. You go from a wide 2 shot of them at the table, to a closeup on one when he speaks, then to wide with the other guy speaks, then back to close, then to extreme close up on the other character. You usually go in slower, i would have liked to see a few more shots maybe mixed in, maybe an OTS or something. Less extreme closeups of the mouths. That scene was a little long and wordy, and could have been conveyed a lot quicker IMO.
I really like the shot at 3:22-3:27, nicely done, aslo the shot before that where the guy gets up and you see the chair for a moment as it turns, is good.
Some of the car shots are wobbly, its ok to cut those parts out, trim whats not good, or anything that doesnt add to the story.
The pan shot of the city skyline was nice, one of your better shots.
Remember, zooming by hand is never a good idea, always dolly or slider.
I think you could edit this down to 5-6 minutes and it woudl flow a little better.
Your gun shot effects were nicely done, what did you use?
Good work, keep it up.
I feel the edit is a little to long, and could use some trimming.
Some of the shots are a little jarring. You go from a wide 2 shot of them at the table, to a closeup on one when he speaks, then to wide with the other guy speaks, then back to close, then to extreme close up on the other character. You usually go in slower, i would have liked to see a few more shots maybe mixed in, maybe an OTS or something. Less extreme closeups of the mouths. That scene was a little long and wordy, and could have been conveyed a lot quicker IMO.
I really like the shot at 3:22-3:27, nicely done, aslo the shot before that where the guy gets up and you see the chair for a moment as it turns, is good.
Some of the car shots are wobbly, its ok to cut those parts out, trim whats not good, or anything that doesnt add to the story.
The pan shot of the city skyline was nice, one of your better shots.
Remember, zooming by hand is never a good idea, always dolly or slider.
I think you could edit this down to 5-6 minutes and it woudl flow a little better.
Your gun shot effects were nicely done, what did you use?
Good work, keep it up.
you keep the direct sound under the VO, that's good.
Some foley could help also.
If you have 2 people having a dialogue, and only have one soundguy do next thing: boom the guy that's in the image and let them leave some space between there lines. Which in this case is very easy for the actors
When 2 people are in image far from each other... it's 2 booms or wireless. (but better 2 booms).
There's an annoying sound in the kitchen (the fridge ?) I know it's very strange because you would think it's normal you hear a fridge, but though you don't hear a fridge in kitchen scenes...although it's normal
because when you're in a kitchen (for real) and you hear a fridge you're not going to say "hé, I hear a fridge".... Sound....it's a big mistery I know
THe lines:
- "You sure you didn't open it ?"
- "No, I'm a professional so I didn't open"
Is is stolen from "the transporter" ?
The gunshot doesn't fit very well. The 2nd one is better. Although they shoot very fast... they're in a hurry or what ? pizzaguy is coming ?
I think everything between 8:29 and 8:46 can be removed. Maybe just a shot of them lying dead (showing heads), maybe with a turning shot or something.
At the end the window is....boring.... maybe just black image or that other guy in freeze frame
Some foley could help also.
If you have 2 people having a dialogue, and only have one soundguy do next thing: boom the guy that's in the image and let them leave some space between there lines. Which in this case is very easy for the actors
When 2 people are in image far from each other... it's 2 booms or wireless. (but better 2 booms).
There's an annoying sound in the kitchen (the fridge ?) I know it's very strange because you would think it's normal you hear a fridge, but though you don't hear a fridge in kitchen scenes...although it's normal
because when you're in a kitchen (for real) and you hear a fridge you're not going to say "hé, I hear a fridge".... Sound....it's a big mistery I know
THe lines:
- "You sure you didn't open it ?"
- "No, I'm a professional so I didn't open"
Is is stolen from "the transporter" ?
The gunshot doesn't fit very well. The 2nd one is better. Although they shoot very fast... they're in a hurry or what ?
pizzaguy is coming ?I think everything between 8:29 and 8:46 can be removed. Maybe just a shot of them lying dead (showing heads), maybe with a turning shot or something.
At the end the window is....boring.... maybe just black image or that other guy in freeze frame