Subscryption

Thanks Mike for the comments. I see most people liked the story and concept. Everyone I showed the script immediately said it was like a twilight zone episode without telling them it was for Twilight Fest.

Ideally, it would have been better to show the actual footage on the TV. It did occur to me, just figured I could just overlay the video.

I did have in mind that the little girl was going to cry and hug her mind. But, she did not want to act in front of the camera. So in the end there was no reason for her to be there. Her father did curse in front her, it did come up about the cursing, but he said that she hears worse. So, if the parents didn't mind I wasn't.


I have edited a more polish version, improvements on audio, some changes here and there, and major work towards the end in tone and mood, extended the ending by 1 minute.

I'll post up a link to the new version once the voting is over...
 
This was a really interesting concept. Very original. Some spit and polish is needed.
 
Nice one, love the main actors.

What's with the chroma on TV? If I'm not wrong, you had a couple of chroma-screens that went OUT of TV, and that's just too bad. I guess you wanted to show the whole scenes inside, or didn't knew how to crop them. I see you did everything in last minute, so maybe you just didn't had enough time to fix that out.

Audio had some too quiet parts, but I got everything. In scene when father hits the table there's some audio unsynced and the wife is smiling (though I noticed this the second time I watched it).
At the end also, the main actress looks at TV but her hand isn't in the air (what is weird if everything happens in real time)

The story is very interesting and original-you got some good actors there, I wished there was more music in the movie-like it's missing in some parts.

Keep up!
 
This is one of the more Twilight Zone-like pieces in this contest. I like the concept. This was one of the less cinematic entries though. There are many technical things that could be improved upon but a worthy effort nonetheless.

:beer:
 
Great concept. I reeeeally loved it. The family dinner scene was great! What reality TV would be like, if it were actually reality. Heh. Fun. The piece is actually pretty ambitious. You've got a lot of actors in a variety of locations. A very nice departure from the one room with two actors trap.

Your film had a lot of issues: sound levels, jumped around; , compositing, the tv; , editing and story structure, i wanted the tv repairman story to hurry and leave more time for what was truly fun; over even lighting.... but the story and concept was so great that those issues just slide on by. I'd work on your overall technique with the same level of creativity. The ending was SO VERY perfect.

Really really really really really really great concept. Loved it!!!

:beer:
 
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Whoa!

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What a great story! If the production value and the acting would have been better this would be 1st place no doubt. The story is there, it pulled me in right away. And I actually found myself biting my fingernails near the end - what a great thing, to be so pulled in by a short that it makes you fret! Very well done man.

The acting left much to be desired - there were some very natural moments and some truly horribly delivered lines. Lighting was so so, but then again you had so many locations it would have been hard to light them all.

Overall a great story, brought down by technical details and poor acting. But that's way better than the other way around - it's impossibly hard to get a good story. Congratulations!
 
liked your idea!

i read your previous post that you have a better edit so i will wait to see that one! i thought it was kind of predictable but that was okay, i still liked the twist and wanted to see how you would show it.

i echo some of the other posters, show less of the repairman, no need to stay there that long.
 
Thank you all for the comments!

Yes, I still need a lot of work technically and taking my time getting better actors.Next Fest I promise myself to hold an audition for parts and not just use the first person that says "yes" or my friends even though they did an amazing job for non-actors. IMO I sacrificed a lot in the way of quality because of the everything was done in a rush. Not many extra takes, no reshoots, this is the first short film that I ever used a lighting kit. I plan to learn a bit more about lighting for the next one.



Cast was 2 craigslist actors and rest my friends w/ no acting experience before.
 
Very interesting story concept. Liked what you were going for here. There were a couple of audio issues, like at the dinner table scene and all but it was still a good film.I think with some tweaks and a little reworking it can get even better. Good job!
 
Vimeo Version w/ a several fixes and re-edit

Vimeo Version w/ a several fixes and re-edit

Hey Guys,

Thanks for leaving some great comments. For the most part it seems the story was great but a lot of weakness technically i.e sound, acting in some parts, slow start, & special effects were off... they still are in this version. Basically, about 4 more hours of RESTED editing with no pressure of a deadline. LoL.

List of changes:

1. Audio Levels boosted and lower accordingly
2. Color corrected the ending scene to add darker feel
3. Re-cut the ending - way different.
4. ends with fade out instead of freezing on last frame
5. Added transitions to ending
6. extended the film by 1 min.


Its worth a second look or third to see the differences.

http://www.vimeo.com/2134595
 
Real quick here...

Acting really needs work. I didn't buy into any of the characters. The line: "He's going to burn her, he's pouring gasoline all over her... i mean..." really bothered me. Why did she say "I mean..." -- What else COULD she mean?? I understand that it's a default term that just gets spat out when one is improvising, but it shouldn't have been in the final edit.

Camera angles and cinematography were okay for me, but I didn't sense the urgency at all. You put me too far away from the action, and there weren't enough cuts to make it exciting.

Story-wise your film is okay. Unfortunately, I can't buy into it unless you present it to me in a manner that is realistic and believable. I don't think your actors achieved this.

Lighting felt alright, but I think some color-correction could have helped you out a lot.

Just some quick thoughts. Thanks for sharing!
 
Just to Bump and get some more plays at Vimeo,
http://www.vimeo.com/2134595
updated version.

Notes taken: Need to select better actors.
"the whole phone conversion was improvised... next time it will be cut out.

I did do some color correction myself but its my first time doing that too...
 
One of the best stories in the Fest relating to the theme.
I just wanted to add... I thought the shot of her at the end with the TV reflected in the background of her doing the same gestures is awesome.

Looking forward to your next short.

Mike
 
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