"Sneak": A Psychological Thriller from mentatDUKE Futuristic Pictures

667 words. You win a $20 Amazon.com Gift Certificate. I'll send a PM with details.

Thanks for the feedback. It was my first time using the M2 although I've used a homemade adapter for several months. I'll have to get used to it's limitations.

Glad you liked the shadow and fan shots.

Regarding the story:
The blind man wore the key around his neck. The intruder thought the key to the captive's room was on the bunch of keys in the bowl. He soon realizes that the blinded is WEARING the key and starts choking him with the necklace.

I agree with your points regarding the editing. Should have used more inserts for the splash in the face, keys sliding under the oven, and searching for the fireplace poker. I'll have to do better next time.

Did you watch past the credits? Some of your questions are anwered there...

Thanks again.
 
Here ya go mentatDuke, I haven’t fallen into any marketing ploys yet, but this one is just too sweet to pass up.

Review – Sneak

I have not read much of this thread, this review is unbiased of any other information that has preceded it.

Overall Story: Very interesting concept, very straightforward, but interesting nonetheless. The one thing that got me was that if he had her locked up in a room somewhere, couldn’t she have screamed when the cops came by to investigate the crime scene, or even then, why would he call the cops to come if he had someone kidnapped at his house? I think it would have been creepier if he was there just sipping tea, letting the body rot on the floor while he stroked his star wars lego set. If she is in another location, please set me straight, but I would think if she’s able to scream that she would. What you should focus on is that these two individuals are at the whim of someone who is lesser abled than they are, making it all the more scary. Really try to turn the blind man into a monster.

And kudos to a really gross moment with the firepoker. That really got under my skin and disturbed me on all kinds of levels. Especially because he kept hacking away because he didn’t know if he was dead or not.

Acting: Again fairly solid.

Blind Man: What can I say here, but I believed that he was blind. One thing that I would have liked to have seen was some interaction between two characters that didn’t involve fighting or screaming. When he is outside talking to the ambulance people, they are just kinda talking at him. This is where you could have seriously ramped up the creep factor. Perhaps have a scene where it looks like he is talking to himself, but is really talking to his kidnapped lady friend. Other than the firepoker scene, the little bonus scene on the end is what creeped me out the most about the blind man. I would have loved to have seen more of that.

Attacker: My only gripe here is that the barriers to him getting to his girl seemed insufficient for him not to succeed. Other than that, he was good, he pulled off the “you’re supposed to think I’m the bad guy, but really im the good guy thing.” But if he is going into a house where he knows that his girlfriend has been kidnapped, wouldn’t you bring a bat or something?

Girl: Nice Believable screams, not too over the top, or undermotivated. The acting in the bonus scene at the end was a little cheesy on her part, but I think that is to be understood as intended.

CINEMATOGRAPHY:

Lighting: This is one of my major gripes with this film, at first I was expecting a lot from the lighting and color because of the banner and stills that you had up, they are so much more vibrant than the actual film, was this because of compression? If so, that totally sucks because the color saturation on the stills is great. As for the practical lighting, It was very flat for me, so all I can say is MORE light. There were times where the grain in the picture became distracting because you tried to push the cameras low light capabilities. At other times, it was completely obvious that there was one large light, and it was casting huge shadows on everything, which looked unnatural. I don’t know if this is what you were going for, but I would try to lighten up the entire room to get rid of them, or if you are going to a noir look, boost the contrast even more between the dark and the light areas. One thin I did like about lighting was the blinds that cast the cool shadows on the attacker, and how he stepped in and turned on the light, knowing it would have no effect on the blind man.

Color: Again, I really wished that the stills had been representative of the look of the film. I’d almost love to see this in a higher resolution format just to see if it was the compression.

Camera Movements: I have to say that these blended together well in about 95% of the film. The one spot that I think could have used some work is when the two of them are down on the kitchen floor wrestling each other. There are a couple odd cuts with the handheld in there that seem like they are stuck in the middle of two decisions. I would have taken that part one of two ways. A. Make it more frantic, quicker cuts, more camera movement, really make it stand apart from the rest of the camera movement, which seemed to be static, or B. have one long shot of one of the characters beating on the other. The latter was a more kubrick-esque recommendation from me, like in clockwork orange when the guy’s head is underneath the water for soooo long, you have a feeling that “this is real”. The same would work here, a long (in time and distance) of the attacker beating on the blind man. That might even ramp up the sympathy for the blind man before the twist.

The rest of the camera movements worked for me, I am a big fan of dolly shots so kudos on those, very smooth and motivated. The one dolly shot that I wished had lasted longer was the one of the 911 dispatcher. You had plenty of time left, so I don’t quite get why you cut that shot so abruptly.

Titling: Ugh … I don’t know if it was the compression or what, but the titles were very distracting to me, in color and font. It’s one of those things that you go all or nothing on, either get some kick ass titles, or go with plain white. What popped into my head as I was watching was that it would have been kick ass if you had a 3d guy do some lego titles for for, like their names were built out of legos, or even better, had a building animation for each title. You don’t want to say that something little like titling could hurt a film, but it can definitely help and add a lot of “wow” factor to a movie, think of the record player in “rekindled”, that kicked ass didn’t it?

Physical Effects: Very limited, but whatever was there was believable, your blood looked pretty good, nice consistency and color. The fighting between the blind man and the attacker was decent until the first firepoker strike. I know I said I liked the firepoker before, but how he hits the attacker in the head, I have no idea. The way he swings it, it would have probably been in the area of his crotch, which had potential of being all sorts of disgusting as well. I for one would have been up for a crotch shot and then a head shot.

Editing: Very straightforward here, a lot of short filmmakers like to draw attention to the editing, but I think for this kind of film, the nonexistent type is much better. The only edits I have problems with are the ones that I stated before, the cuts on the ground when they are fighting and the cut of the dispatcher, both had potential for improvement.

SOUND:

Overal sound was ok, there was significant hum from the room tone, but it was pretty constant throughout.

Sound Effects: Fairly Decent. All I can say here is more. Make all the sounds stand out, since the guy is blind he has to use all his other senses, why not try to give the audience a little taste of how he hears? The effects that creeped me out the most were the firepoker strikes. I would have liked to have heard a louder effect on the first strike, it’s kind of hard to tell what happened with him swinging the poker around like that.

Dialogue: Very smooth, I turned it up very loud on the headphones and I didn’t hear very much variation in levels at all, all dialogue was very clear and easy to hear. The radio was very well done. The one thing that was distracting, and could use some work was the VO at the end in the conversation between the police and the blind man. It is very clear dialogue, in fact, it is a little too clear, and therefore it stands out.

Score: As I am writing this, I still don’t know what to think about the score. At first listen, It was unnerving, and at times, really hard to take in (especially with the headphones turned up to listen for volume fluctuations). I’ll take this apart a little more. First part before the record was very ominous and creepy, is that the effect that you wanted here? I would have tried for something a little more innocent, just to further enhance the twist at the end that he really is a psycho. Next, the record playing enhanced my feeling that this guy is kind of creepy and off his rocker. Perhaps a selection of classical music would have been less creepy. Next is the atonal chords and discoordinate music during the fight scene, which is where it was very hard to listen. Some may think it a bit over the top, but I think it fits, even if it sounds like you had a seizure on your keyboard.

Did I hear “donkeypunch Amber” on the radio, because if I did, that’s freaking hilarious.

WOW FACTORS:

I think one of the coolest things in this short was the addition of the police and ambulance. I know that pulling that sort of stuff off is extremely hard, and when you do get the personnel, you don’t really have that much time to shoot because people actually think that someone is being murdered or something. This could have been faked/mocked up in many different way, but the fact that you did it well and real, adds a large level of credibility to your film.

Creepiest/Grossest moments: the intruder turning on the light, and the firepoker, god that still creeps me out.

Improvements that I think could have been made:

USE THE WHOLE 6 MIN! This is one of the films in this fest that I had wished used the entire time to strengthen and develop the film. Personally, I think the “everyday routine” in the beginning was a bit long, as well as having the entire credit sequence at the end. I really think that you could have utilized a good one and a half minute to two mintues more if you cut it down right. Of course, I came from trying to fit the best 6 min of 30 from my film, so maybe less is more. Ah well, I just would have liked to seen more character development on either end, either making me think the blind man is less creepy in the beginning, or more creepy at the end.

A good two minutes of your film was spent on the fight scene between the blind man and the intruder, and the first minute and a half was spent on routine. I think if you structured these parts differently, it would have freed up a lot of time to fit some dialogue or more character development.

Ok, so I peeked, and saw that you used the M2 for this film. I used a static adapter on my film, and every time I look back at it now, I wish that I had used more light during filming. There is soooo much more you can do in post to reduce and change light then to bring it up from being dark. This must be what accounted for the grain in the pictures. Again, pretty standard suggestions, get a faster lens and a pump A LOT more light into the scene.

Overall, this was a solid entry into the fest, I would practice, practice, practice with that adapter and your lighting setups. I also have trouble with bringing out my colors, so try to tune in on that as well. Look forward to seeing more from mentatDUKE in the future!:beer:
 
Wow hybridtheory. Thanks for a very nuanced and detailed review. You've given me a lot to think about. I'll be sending you a PM regarding your prize.

Thanks!
 
As a quick disclaimer I have not viewed the official post before posting this. And sorry if it seems like I have ADD here. I was writing as it came to me.

General Story: It was an interesting story. It kept the viewer guessing, that’s for sure. It took a while to guess why there was a man in the home. Though it is the typical good verses evil story line (or so we think) until the ending sequence. However, my major complaint in the story aspect was the final sequence, after the credits roll. I had absolutely no idea how that worked in. I checked the screenplay to see if it explained it in there to no avail. So I will admit, the final sequence has me puzzled, even now. And the whole key chase. I don’t think it was obvious at all as to why he was attacking the blind man. One really couldn’t tell a key was the prime reason for attack until the end of the film. I don’t think the key was highlighted enough in it. If I were you I would have made it obvious he was going for the key. And another thing that could be different, the character development. Everyone was really dry. Actually they only had a few words and fought the entire rest of the movie. As cool as fighting is, there should really be some more story to the fighting. Essentially I gathered this. 50% was getting ready to have his toast and tea, 50% was fighting a random guy who appeared in his house.

Filming: Was fairly good throughout the film. My favorite shot was the tracking past the legos on the ground. That was quite smooth and really added to the shot. However moments after that shot there is another tracking shot that zooms into a boiling kettle. That was a tad jumpy for my liking. And it appeared the fight sequences we a little jerky. At times I lost track of who was fighting who. The intro shots really set up the entire story. You effectively told us that this man is blind and lives a seemingly “normal” life. Your out of focus shots worked well too. It brought a sense of confusion and suspense to the sequence. The shot leading up to the man turning the player off was a little jerky and angles could have been adjusted to not appear as such a jump cut. (if that is what you were planning on doing, disregard that). The scene where we are introduced to the intruder is well done. My favorite in the entire feature. I have no idea why he would have turned on a light. But it was well done and lit quite well. Defenitely added the suspense factor into it. The shot that tracked under the table to show the cell phone was great. Though, when the 911 call was placed, you had a cut to the dispatcher (I think?) it was a very very quick cut that lasted only a second. One had to pause the tape there to verify it was a dispatcher. (or a man sitting behind a computer screen). I think it would have been much more effective if you had cut to the dispatcher behind the computer and listened to the mans voice a bit (extend the dialog) because to me it would seem as if the attacker would be out for more than ten seconds after taking a hit like he did. And even if he did recover I don’t think you would have been able to get up quickly and be top notch fighting in seconds. Unless he was some type of god. But if you had the phone dangle slightly after the man was pulled away from the phone with the dispatcher still asking what the emergency is and widen to show the fight, it would have added the ‘cool’ factor. Here though the phone didn’t seem as if it was a phone. You might consider filtering the phone call next time. So it sounds like an actual phone call. I mean that scene could have been kinda cool. You had the time, why didn’t you use it? The scene could have really added some suspense and dramatic irony. I mean if we knew why he was attacking and the blind man didn’t, or if we saw the attacker rise from his unconscious state and run toward the blind man on the phone with a horrible look on his face. It would have been much more powerful. Perhaps a tad cliché, however I think it would have been much better than what you had there.

Editing: was well done. There are sections, like the fight sequence that proved to be a little confusing. Also the physical fight scenes looked fake. You should try to adjust the camera angles a tad and edit it closer together during the punches and hits so as you don’t actually see the missed punch and the reaction. Also I noticed the scene where he threw the tea/coffee at the intruder, it looked terribly fake. In my opinion you should have showed the liquid leaving the cup then cut to the intruder. Where the man impales the intruder I was lost as to what happened. I thought both of them had died somehow. I think that lies more in editing than anything else. Or shot composition. It wasn’t clear as to what happened.

Sound: The music was alright through the film. EXCEPT for the fight sequences. That music wanted to make me stop watching. It was incredibly annoying. I can see why you put it in there, to cause a sense of franticness or panic, but really on my end I only felt like I wanted to punch the guy myself. It really did nothing for me save aggrevate me. I am aweful with scary movies because the soundtrack built anticipation and then dropped out when something happened or got really scary as thigns happened. Not that racket. Now I mean no offense to the one who scored it. I score my own things too. I was just not ‘feeling it’ with that score. I am sorry, but that is the truth. Maybe it would have been better to cut to silence during it. However you would need to cut all the standard room noise before that. Or maybe re-dub everything in post. Add the sound effects and grunts/screams and whatnot later. I think that in itself would have been scary. However the opening score was fine. I liked that and I felt it helped the story.

Sound effects on the other hand were lacking. Especially near the fight sequences (I mention the fights a lot don’t I). It was far too subtle for a fight. The punches were barely audible. Also, being as the man is blind; would his sense of hearing not be more perfected? So why not exaggerate the sound effects? You did that well with the cell phone. But with everything else it seemed lacking. You really couldn’t hear the fight stuff. And the actors screams and grunts were not realistic sounding at all. Now I understand the fact this is a indie film with indie actors. But the screams from them were lacking. It was a little annoying at times to see a punch, or see him slide into a stove (as to how he got himself turned around facing the stove, I have no idea maybe I missed how that was possible, but the progression to sliding head first into the stove really didn’t seem right. Back to sound…so when he hit the stove it was the typical ‘thud’ that you had in the rest of the sequences. And at his speed sliding, it would seem as if he would make a little more that a small thud upon impact. And it should have been a little more metallic of a thud. I mean I don’t throw myself into stoves often but I would assume it would sound more like hitting a solid object and not a fluffy pillow.

Sound composition. I felt in some areas the sound (dialog) was a tad hollow. I am not a sound guy myself, but in many areas it didn’t quite sound right. I know that doesn’t help you much, but I can try. It sounded a little distant almost. The screaming of the girl at the end caused me to take my headphones off pretty quickly. It is a scream, but I think the levels could have been lowered a bit. And then the next scene the levels appeared a little lower. But throughout the shots, the levels on the sound were pretty static. There was no real jumps in levels from scene to scene. I hardly had to adjust the volume. Which is entirely a good thing. There were far too many cases where I had to throw my headphones off in some entries because it got really loud really quickly. You strayed away from that, so go you!

Color correction, I felt that much of the film was a little dark. The darks seemed ‘super dark’ if you will, and took up most of the frame. There were sections where I really couldn’t tell what was going on as it seemed only shadows were in the frame. That really took away from the film in my opinion. Granted it was night and it was dark, but things did get far to dark many a time.

VFX: This is a place where I was unimpressed (I mean no harm. I am just speaking with a critical eye for improvement) As I said before the fight scenes were odd looking. Not really timed correctly or the angles were off. Here is my major thing, I mentioned some discrepancies in the fights before but the poker kill. I had no idea what happened there at all. It seemed as if the blind man had died somehow. I don’t recall him ever getting hit in the face or eye. I watched the film many times over and still never saw contact with his head. Maybe I am really mistaken, if there was contact I never saw bleeding till that scene. Then when the poker comes into play, the man was sprawled out of the ground, attacker is in the mid 5 foot range. For him to hit him with the poker he would have to be standing would he not? It would have made much more sense if the poker impacted his leg, which would send him to the ground, then go beating away at his head. I had no idea it was a poker until I watched it over and over again. To be entirely honest, I thought that he smacked himself in the eye. There is my complaint with the poker scene. Also why would the blind man beat his attackers head to a pulp anyways? Though if he was the rescurer it would make sense why he had to die.

Extra stuff: I thought it was absolutely hysterical when he killed the toaster. He really hit the poor thing pretty hard. Also I thought the end scene with the police was done amazingly. Its great to add the sense of realism to it. It looked great actually. However in that same sequence it was also odd as to the voice over, I think you could have worked that out a little bit more. It didn’t entirely sound right. The sound at the final sequence was also a little hollow. The one thing I really liked was the lighting in regards to the blinds being shown on the walls. I thought that was entirely cool. I was saddened when I didn’t see some of the shots you had with your screen shots. I mean we saw the legos, but I think it would have been cute to see him trying to build something to show the fact that he appears innocent. It could have been a pretty cool symbol too. Seeing as you crushed the lego house at the end. It could have actually stood for something, like the loss of perceived innocence.

I think that is almost everything I wanted to cover for you. It was a good film. There were quite a few sections where I was entirely lost. And my major complaint was the fight sequences. Mostly because they were confusing and some areas just didn’t look right. (Timing was off, angles were bad, sound effects were subtle or not sounding realistic) I would say to use the time you have. The story could have been built up a little more I think. Rather than leave us confused at the end as to what happened, you could have spent a little more time adding to the story. Good luck with everything and it was a pleasure writing for you.

Take care,

-Matty
 
//you are looking at 2111 sans my intro and ending. I started writing and kinda got lost in it. Came up with some cool ideas myself writing it out.
 
mentatDUKE said:
Wow hybridtheory. Thanks for a very nuanced and detailed review. You've given me a lot to think about. I'll be sending you a PM regarding your prize.

Thanks!
Click to expand...

glad i could be of service!
 
Are you rich?

Will you be my boyfriend?

Just kidding. But dear god - that's a lot of money to be throwing around.

This was nice. I'm sorry that I found it so late, but thus is the alphabet.

I was really feeling the story from the very beginning - it drew me in right away, and was very believable. You were very smart with all of this. Story was great, too, although I'm not sure I'd classify it as horror (although I don't want to touch the subject of genre with a ten foot pole, so moving on...). I'd say work on your lighting a bit, and you'll have it made in the shade. Good job.
 
Acting: Greg was superb, such a difficult role to tackle.:beer: Liked the girl too.
Script: Fantastic. Amazing twist.:thumbup:
Direction: Some great storytelling/ Actor work. Top job!
Music: Loved it.
Editing: Smooth.
Lighting: Just wanted it lifting a touch but that might be compression.
Loved: The opening shadows, high shot, the Lego track, Rack focus, the fact that he went for the burglar, the coffee throw, the beating, the copy/ ambulance scene (great production value!), end titles, the end (superb man!):)
Hated: Beginning titles, that’s it!
Overall: I’m impressed great story, (one of the strongest yet), glad I found this film at the last minute. Great job all round guys.

J.P.

PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ON 'BROKEN CIRCLE' (THANKS)
 
J.P. Thanks for the glowing review. Perhaps I shall rethink the intro titles. LOVED "Broken Circle". I'll try to post a review at work.....
 
mentatDUKE,

Thanks for the film, man! Really enjoyed it. Something different here and it was nice!!!

Congratulations and Good Luck!!!

This has been a great time!

Ted
 
I really liked this one. Very Hitchcock! Excellent.

I think the twist at the end could have been executed a little better, although that just might be an editing thing to work out in the cutting room.

The lead actor seemed a little bit TOO emotive at time, like when he smiles to himself when he finds the record he wants.

I'll save the tech reviews for other people. I really got caught up in the story and didn't pay much attention to lighting, etc..

Lots of great detail. Enjoyed it. Good job!


John G.
 
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