Short shot on DVX...

not good imo

not good imo

intro was awesome, acting is good, writing is a do over.
jmho, video work not bad imo
 
I really like this. You did a heck of a job on it. :)

There were a few things that bothered me though.

The dialogue between the two guys at the restaurant could definately have been better. It just wasn't natural. (but I see where it was going and what it was trying to establish. it was just too straight forward)

The shots with the counselor in the beginning just seemed too flat to me. You have some great shots throughout the short, but those (and maybe a couple more) just didn't have much punch.

lol, a royale with cheese. nice touch. :thumbsup:

After she is discovered and she drops the bottle, I REALLY began to love this. The music was great, and the acting was good as well.

anyway, good short!
 
good attempt at a tough subject. but to be honest, it felt like it was TRYING to be too emotional. I didn't connect with your lead character cause you didn't show me her situation/background. Maybe a scene with her demanding mother and/or alcoholic father might have drawn me in to caring about her and her struggles. You can't just assume people will know exactly why a character is struggling. You need to SHOW it.

the dialouge was a little forced and throwing in a royal with cheese felt like a cop out. make up your own quentin tarantino lines of dialouge. don't just recycle. cause i'm sure you've got orignial and creative lines waiting to get out...

good try. keep it up.

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/images/smilies/smiley.gif
 
just wondering what you in terms of audio recording? the on camera mic? or some shotgun mic?
 
Some great shots - good job in securing locations, etc. A little melodramatic at times - IMO. The slo-mo of the bottle dropping especially. Some parts of dialogue need work, too.

BUT overall a great effort. Some great compositions - overall I thought the DP work was really solid. You should be proud of this. Parts of this would look great in a demo reel.
 
Overall, I thought this was a quite nice piece of work. IMO you captured the essence of the problem in a quick and succinct way. I don't think there was time or space for developing the main character's background and all that. And I'm not sure it would have helped. The theme of this short was not seeming to be the problem of eating disorders in general, but just the fact that THIS girl has one.

A few observations though. I'm a psychotherapist (that's the job that pays the bills), and I could see how others may have seen those shots of the therapy session as flat. From my perspective though, the "therapist" just felt like someone who was maybe new to the field. She wasn't all that engaged with her client ... just doing a textbook first session. That's a writing and acting issue. Cinematically, you could have framed the shots in a way that made for more interesting scenes there. I was also confused a bit by everything from the time she dropped the bottle. OK, she takes a few, what exercise pills??, and gets rushed to the hospital. First, I'm not sure the four pills she downed would have required an ER trip. But more importantly, all the scenes where she was pacing a room and smoking and raging in front of the mirror ... were you flashing back to before the od or was that happening after? Also, maybe I'm a bit jaded because I am a healthcare professional, but I can't imagine an ambulance driver looking back and basically ridiculing the patient ... "Did she f***ing od or what?" Anyway, just more writing issues.

But kudos overall. Great short!
 
some good things, some bad. Improvements could be made on the opening audio when she is speaking with the doc, the lighting in the ambulance is a bit rough, and lastly the writing doesn't make much sense. Many positives though, alot of the camerawork is well done, the linearity is interesting, and you used a killer bloc party song which is always a big plus in my book. Great first project, congrats.
 
Great short. What was the song at the end of the film? Bloc Party?

oh and was a steadicam or anything used at all? Seemed like a lot of the hand held stuff was actually really good.

Was the cigarette montage necessary?
 
Opening scene, keep away from the wall to show depth. Hard subject to work
with. Nice attempt.

Charli
 
Thanks for the comments... to answer some of your questions.

I used a Wireless mic for audio, and it left me wishing i had a shotgun mic.

The cig montage was not necessary by any means.

I had to keep close to that wall in the beginning because of these wierd mercury vapor lights that i could not turn off. They would have been right above each of the actors heads.

The resturaunt scene is pretty lame, especially the royal with cheese part, but i didnt write it.... it just shot and edited it.

I shot 24pa and edited on Final Cut Pro 5

Lighting in the ambulance was all natural.

The project was for one of my friends Women's Studies classes and it got him out taking the final. He wrote the whole thing (pretty hastily) and then we filmed it the next day. The talent was just a few people from his class who were in his group. This whole thing was an asthetic experiment for me. I wanted to see how good i could make it look.
 
to answer a few more....

no steady cam was used, it was mostly handheld with about 10 people shaking the ambulance from the outside.

The tracking shots of her in the hallway were done with me sitting on an office chair and being pushed by a friend.

The song is off of the Bloc Party remix album and it is called "The Pioneers".. all of the other music was completely original and recorded using logic and a USB midi keyboard.
 
Wow...

I was torn.
The beginning of it, with the lighting and the acting looked like a Film 101 project, but then right after the slow motion bottle drop (mainly the scene in the ambulance) it kicked up.

I liked the blue overlay...really helped set that somber mood...magic bullet? And also you had so shots in the ambulance that had some filmic looking DOF...did you shoot with any 35mm adapter? If so which one?

Over all good job man...keep that tape rollin'
 
I like the short....but the scene when the 2 girls are sitting outside at that cafe talking,it seemed kinda weird that they are both sitting down,but the camera was higher on the shots of the main character,but eye level with her friend(if you were purposely trying to minimize or demean the girl,you shouldve had her friend stand up and talk to her.It wouldve made more sense visually)And it also seemed that the first cut-at the cafe shouldve been over her friends' left shoulder,not her right.It seemed confusing especially since it went over her right shoulder AND the camera was also higher.....Im not trying to nit-pick,it just seemed off...everything i liked,especially the hallway tracking.
 
Yeah, we definately broke the 180 degree rule on the cafe part....There was a wall to the right that made it impossible to shoot that way. But i never noticed the camera height thing, it is definately something i will think about in the future.

No CC was used at all on this. Everything was done in camera or with lighting. The bluish tint from the ambulance was achieved by messing with the color temp setting along with a few other settings i now forget.
 
oh and no 35mm adapter was used, the cam was put as far away as possible and zoomed in all the way. But..... i just got a letus35A a few weeks ago, so my next shoot will have one!!!!
 
Hey, we go to the same school! Good job on the short. Beautifully shot, I really liked the shots during the ambulance ride scene. Nice job with the Pulp Fiction references as well.
 
Are you in the film program at CSULB? Or are you like me, trying to gain dozens of credits just for the slight chance of maybe getting into the impacted film program? God I hate GEs...
 
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