GH13 Short film produced on a GH13 - Suggestions for improvement? Take 2.5 minutes to help

C

CColton

Well-known member
I just finished producing a short film on my GH1s. It's 2.5 minutes long, and I would greatly appreciate it if you could watch and give me constructive criticism. This is my second short film, and I like how it turned out, but I know I have room to improve, so please let me know what you think. If you like it, feel free to share it with others! (shameless self-promo)

A quick plot description would be: A girl's last cry for help takes an unexpected turn.

Led Astray:

I can provide all the technical production details you want.
 
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Most of the cinematography was very nice - particularly the woman getting ready in the bathroom. When the guy was running through the house, you seemed to have trouble holding on to focus a little too much, but not a big issue. Otherwise, it's nice that you kept the film concise, but I'm not sure the story/arc worked all that well. The cross cutting between the woman's slomo walking and the guy's running was initially effective, but for me, it went on too long. Then, assuming I understood everything -- the end seemed abrupt (which can be good) but without a payoff. Thinking back on it, I have no idea what the woman's motivation was...so there was nothing substantiating the shock at the end. Anyway, a really great effort and solid film.
 
Nice!

Smallest detail:
- That one time when you male actor runs around a corner, it looks a bit like he doesn´t know which direction he should go.

But really nice, I hope my short turns out that good too, when I finally finish it!
 
zucked said:
Most of the cinematography was very nice - particularly the woman getting ready in the bathroom. When the guy was running through the house, you seemed to have trouble holding on to focus a little too much, but not a big issue. Otherwise, it's nice that you kept the film concise, but I'm not sure the story/arc worked all that well. The cross cutting between the woman's slomo walking and the guy's running was initially effective, but for me, it went on too long. Then, assuming I understood everything -- the end seemed abrupt (which can be good) but without a payoff. Thinking back on it, I have no idea what the woman's motivation was...so there was nothing substantiating the shock at the end. Anyway, a really great effort and solid film.
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Thanks for watching and for the feedback!

Yep pulling focus with the servo focus-by-wire on the Panasonic 20mm is a pain in the butt. I hate it.

The end was supposed to be abrupt, but as you said, it did lack an explanation of her motivation. Maybe a shot after the cut to black, of her standing over his body saying something that would explain her motivation?
 
JackBayer said:
Nice!

Smallest detail:
- That one time when you male actor runs around a corner, it looks a bit like he doesn´t know which direction he should go.

But really nice, I hope my short turns out that good too, when I finally finish it!
Click to expand...

Thanks for watching! When you finish your short send me a message so I can see it!
 
I thought it was great and I also thought the double meaning of "I will miss you" was as good a pay off as any for a 2:30 short film. Also, I loved the dolly shot of her as she walked across the street.

Did you shoot the slow motion shots in 1080i/60 or 720p/60?
 
Filmkid2003 said:
I thought it was great and I also thought the double meaning of "I will miss you" was as good a pay off as any for a 2:30 short film. Also, I loved the dolly shot of her as she walked across the street.

Did you shoot the slow motion shots in 1080i/60 or 720p/60?
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Thank you for watching! The slowmo was all shot at 720p60, and the normal motion was all shot at 1080p24.
 
Not bad and rarely will I say an internet video could of been LONGER but in this case a little more setup explanation would of been nice. I.E...what was on the note or another flashback to a earlier conversation, something to establish his urgency a bit more...

Main complaints: Too many shots of him running AWAY from the camera. I felt everytime he ran away, you should of cut to in front of him to add a little more movement to the shots. Quick edits can give you a sense of action and urgency. When he ran up the stairs in the beginning, the camera stayed at the bottom the whole time, you should of cut to the camera at the top and him coming towards it. Same thing in the house and then on the street. More editing also adds a sense of extra production values.

And while I feel there is a current over emphasis on "shooting flat" and grading over story, editing, directing, etc..., this could of used a touch of Color Grading. Nothing major or drastic...just a little. If not the whole thing, then either her scenes or his, this could also help differentiate the time differences, i.e. flashbacks are bleach bypassed or warmer or cooler....

Finally...you've got round 40 seconds of credits and in a short that's around 180 seconds long, that's a serious percentage of your film is credits. But that's a personal pet peeve of mine and I appreciate that you didn't have a long title sequence that's not as easy to skip as the credits would be, we got right into things.

You just need a few tweaks...not a complete tear down and rebuild. :tongue:
 
CColton said:
I just finished producing a short film on my GH1s. It's 2.5 minutes long, and I would greatly appreciate it if you could watch and give me constructive criticism. This is my second short film, and I like how it turned out, but I know I have room to improve, so please let me know what you think. If you like it, feel free to share it with others! (shameless self-promo)

A quick plot description would be: A girl's last cry for help takes an unexpected turn.

Led Astray:

I can provide all the technical production details you want.
Click to expand...

I think several of the 'guy running' shots could be tightened up, or dropped altogether.

I would have had the guy get partially up the stairs before the 'turn of action', perhaps with faster cutting between the two characters.
 
CRFilms said:
And while I feel there is a current over emphasis on "shooting flat" and grading over story, editing, directing, etc..., this could of used a touch of Color Grading. Nothing major or drastic...just a little. If not the whole thing, then either her scenes or his, this could also help differentiate the time differences, i.e. flashbacks are bleach bypassed or warmer or cooler....

Finally...you've got round 40 seconds of credits and in a short that's around 180 seconds long, that's a serious percentage of your film is credits. But that's a personal pet peeve of mine and I appreciate that you didn't have a long title sequence that's not as easy to skip as the credits would be, we got right into things.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the feedback! I color graded every shot that was in the film, and I tried grading her story vs. his differently and it seemed to look tacky, but maybe I was doing it wrong.

Not sure how to make the credits shorter, I feel that it would be disrespectful not to credit everyone involved...?
 
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