SHORT: Rip my short apart!!!!!!

nycineaste

nycineaste

Well-known member
can you guys tell me what SUCKS about this?

(other than the fact that our location was a room corner and the boom shadows I have to crop- those two are obvious. also its not graded- Ill likely knock back the saturation of the distracting blue pants and drape then up saturation on the whole thing for a cartoony look).

I dont need to hear whats good my only interest is getting better at moviemaking I dont need ego strokes Im a grown man and know what it takes to master an art form- again I need hard crits to improve. You can keep it short, no need to write a book.

u can say it all sucks too thats fine

thanks for looking

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4FTAeWZpa8
 
1st thing.. Way too much cutting. Way too much.. You may have had more cuts in this <4 minute short than a Jim Jarmusch feature. As for color etc... I'm color blind so can't help you on that one. ... :thumbsup:
 
I watched it with the sound off (my wife and I are listening to music, and it would be rude for me to suddenly turn it off), so this is based just on that. I actually think that can be valuable feedback - purely visual, not content. I may or may not come back to it at some point and watch it with sound, but for now it is what it is.

Cuts are too quick - even for the web. Slowest cuts = movie screen; faster cuts = TV screen; fastest cuts = web. The quick cuts magnify a problem here that's the equivalent of 'unclear writing'. It's 'unclear showing'. You know the story and so you write with that in mind, but it's unclear to the reader - same here - you know the room and everything in it, but I don't, and you are not shooting with an audience in mind, you are shooting with yourself in mind - a mistake. You have an establishing shot, then you cut and cut and cut - all between characters and objects, and I've already forgotten how most of the room works - I'd have liked to get oriented again. Except you keep cutting and cutting and my head is spinning. I am not getting a good look at stuff - cuts are too fast. I feel distracted. Watch some Japanese movies where there are groups of people sitting on mats in a room and see how cutting works to keep us oriented. Or a movie where there's a conference table and people are sitting around it and talking - and note, in that situation, the director already has a leg up because we all understand how a conference table works - but we're more handicapped when people are sitting in random places in a room... in that case you need MORE orienting than around a conference table.

Purely aesthetic: I find most of the angles and framing ugly. It seems arbitrary as if not carefully chosen or composed. Home movie feeling.

The people are posed like toy soldiers. Doesn't feel natural. More variety would be nice, between lounging, sitting against the wall, hanging off a chair etc.. - note again, how this contrasts with a conference table, where the options are more limited in a formal sense, since everybody is sitting. When you are in a random room with no formal seating (like a dinner table), you must pose people with more variety, otherwise it becomes artificial and stilted feeling.

Cuts don't feel fluid enough - there is not enough motion leading by actors on cuts (turn head - cut to whom she's turning head etc.).

Note again - this is with no content. I have no idea what they're talking about. But it might be instructive for you to turn off the sound as well, and just watch how effective this is purely visually. After all, this is movie-making, and the visual aspect should count. My 5 cents.
 
Way too many reaction shots cut in. Stay on the speaker, until there is a GOOD reason to not stay on the speaker. If a reaction shot is just an actor staring at the speaker, that isn't a good reason to use it. Save the cut for when there is a reason.
 
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