Pupil... Teacher... Patient... Lover...

I liked it.

The only thing is - the flashback when Angelina is at the feet of her dead mother - we as a viewer don't even know that it's her mother and we would not understand.

The mcguffin makes great sense and is creepy suggesting that this series of events will never stop... In a way like Jumanji.
 
cheers. The voice over spells out her mother killed herself, and then is mixed with a young girl looking at the swinging feet, so figured "visually" it was enough without too much emphasis.

Thanks for the reads/reviews.
 
Interesting story.


Some very nice visuals here. Fairly straight forward story. Some nice creep stuff, but I felt you relied on some of the old staples we have seen before - reflections in the mirror, etc. I'd like to see you push the envelope a little on this one. Voodoo is so multi-dimentional and hallucinigenic, and I'd like to see this explored beyond the reflections in the mirror.

The opening was very slow. Too slow.


Lot of typos slowed the read. Things like this ...

He fold her arms again to heat herself, as the temperature
drops in the room.

I assume you meant SHE folds ...

And things like this ...

Doctor White takes notes on a PDA.

The PDA isn't mentioned before when the Doc is taking notes. I had to go back and see if I missed it.


Like how the necklace has a dual purpose - protect and doom. Very nice. I was torn between that and the finger nails as being the MacGuffin.

You say the necklace is multi-colored and also wooden. Are the wooden beads pointed?



As a working document ...

Certainly an easy story to film, and though not very original in overall execution, it would translate well into film. Other than some rotting corpse makeup, I don't see much in the way of big challenges.

a
 
Last edited:
Thanks Alex. I love the use of mirrors in these type of movie. A "I just saw something... didn't I?"

+ agree would be easy to film, and have been playing with the idea of extending it. To show where the necklace became twisted and where it ends up.

Thanks for the read/review.
 
I really enjoyed this script. Everyone has covered the techie stuff I would have mentioned.

I thought it was very visual. I thought the use of the necklace was used very well. You created a very good haunting ghost story. Nice work.
 
Thanks and delighted you mentioned it was very visual, as I always try to write as such. I film my scripts in my head first, shot by shot before I write. A frustrated director I guess:happy:

Thanks for the review and read.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top