SHORT: "Pizza Palooza" A pizza comedy shot in a pizza restaraunt

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pizzapalooza

New member
Hi, Im Kevin I am from Vancouver and I made a short film about just how whacky it can be to deliver pizzas! Its heartwarming, captivating, and none of those things all at the same time! It was a lot of fun to make, but as it is my first short film I would greatly appreciate feedback.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLVq_-Yt4YY

I hope you like it or at least hate it enough to be fascinated by it! Please let me know what you think!
 
Hi, Kevin, and welcome to DVXUser!

Well, I made it a little less than halfway through. But, it's your first short so please don't let that discourage you. Before I go into my initial thoughts, it looks like perhaps you shot this on a smart phone? Is this correct? If so, which phone? And did you use any apps other than the default camera app?

The sound is terrible, but we'll get there. This is an area that takes a lot of TLC both in production and in post, but the first and most important lesson is to get the mic off of the camera and into the action.

You try to do way too much in a single shot. A well-crafted dialog scene is shot at least three ways (cover/wide, closeup/med on actor A, closeup/med on actor B), sometimes more, and then the various shots are cut together to keep the edit moving with the dialog. Locking the camera down and trying to do it all in a string of uncut wide shots is hard to watch.

Too many shots are off-kilter. Level your frame out. Yeah, tilted frames (Dutch angle) can be used intentionally, but it's not a go-too. Plus, Dutch angle is generally more pronounced. What you have is just off-balance enough to look like a mistake.

See all the terrible flickering in your slow-mo shots? That's from the flickering in the lights, both in the garage and in the pizza shop. With slow-mo, the first question is, "Is it necessary?" For your opening shot, maybe and maybe not, but I'd have shot it outside in sunlight to avoid the flicker. For the phone ringing, I don't think it was crucial to the scene. Tension with a ringing phone can be achieved without slow-mo.

Which also brings up the rigning phone: the ringing sound effect was not at all right for the Avaya phone system. Maybe that was intentional, but even if it was it does not add to the comedy but rather just sticks out like a sore thumb.

The editing pace is all over the place. On some things (such as opening title, cutaways/flashbacks), you dwell WAY too long and any comedic effect is lost. Other edits are too tight and cut the dialog unnaturally short.

At times, the edits are too linear instead of layered (such as the cutaway of "the boss"). Pulling the still image in over the dialog can smooth the edit. Breaking the fourth wall there (looking at the camera) may not be the best choice. And again, shorten the screen time of the photograph.

Last, and importantly, using copyrighted music without permission can get you into trouble. There are plenty of places out there to license music for cheap or for free. Read more HERE.

These are really just cursory thoughts. There's plenty more to discuss, but most of it falls under one of the above topics. All told, and even though I didn't watch it through, you probably could have told the same story to greater effect in half the time.

The cool part is that you got out there and actually did something! Keep doing that, and keep looking for feedback. That's the best way to build and to hone your skills.
 
Thank you for taking the time to help learn. I very much appreciate it. We shot the entire thing on an iphone 6(standard camera app) and edited it on a free trial of final cut pro. Thanks again for your help.
 
pizzapalooza said:
We shot the entire thing on an iphone 6(standard camera app) and edited it on a free trial of final cut pro.
Click to expand...

Filmic Pro is an absolute must-have app if you're shooting on an iPhone. It gives you lots of manual control over your camera that the regular iPhone camera app does not: exposure, focus, white balance, frame rate. It also adds manual sound recording level control, so if you were to get a better mic for your projects (such as the RØDE VideoMic Pro), you could plug that into your phone and improve your production sound.

Also for what you're doing, you might want to look at the Luma-Touch app suite for iOS: Pinnacle Studio Pro, Luma Clip, Luma FX. There's a lot that can be done on an iPhone or iPad these days when it comes to editing. FCP is certainly going to give you vastly enhanced post-production capabilities, but you can only go so far on the free trial. If you have the budget to buy the full version, great. If not, the apps might give you a low-cost, hobby-level solution.
 
Your film is certainly cinematographically and audibly challenged. However, as I'm one of those who place the story high above everything else, I find it refreshing and engaging especially since it's your first one. I also think that with some additional work on editing, you can craft using the existing footage something much better - more fluent and targeted.
 
I just downloaded filmic pro and will look into the other editing and sound suggestions you had. Thanks again for all of your help!
 
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