Pickles and Ice Cream - A Robert Eldon Film

Hi Robert,

This was a nice short. I was lucky both time with my missus that she didn't really have stange cravings, just anything that was in the cupboards...
Really nicely filmed, good acting, good script, excellent showdown, would have been better if you had more time to expand on it as he gets the jar a little easy.
I wasn't too impressed with what the robbers were wearing on their faces, you missed a chance to do something funnier there I feel.

Overall, a good short. Good work.
 
stinkpot said:
Great short (as stated in many comment before this one). My question is how did you go about acquiring the grocery store location?

:beer:
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stinkpot, :)

Ah, the grocery store location. The grocery store was a key component of the story. I don't think I would have done the film if I didn't have the store location.

I actually wanted three different locations, so when I started location scouting, I started with the major supermarkets in my area. Needless to say, after talking with the 'right' person, I had to contact corporate and basically got the run around. So, I set my sights on some local independent markets.

I originally had written that the husband drives up to the convenience store and they put a 'Closed' sign out in the window. But I found this small market with a neon 'Open' sign, and that worked so much better. I approached the owner about doing a small scene with his store, let him read the location release, and he insisted that he get a copy of the DVD (he had done this before, and the filmmakers didn't provide a promised DVD). The owner was very accommodating and we shot that scene about a half hour before they closed. The night shift manager allowed us to turn off most of the neon beer signs and he also turned the neon 'Open' sign off at the appropriate moment.

My son is also a filmmaker and he had shot a short film a couple of years ago and remembered this independent store in a beach community about an hour from our home.
I contacted the owner who was VERY accommodating, set up a meeting, provided the location release for his review and he let us shoot at night while the store was open. The store has a loyal local community of customers, and there was a 'buzz' about us filming there, so it created some interest for his store and maybe a little more business than usual.

The store was bigger than a country market, but smaller than a supermarket. The aisles were narrow and the shelving was high. It was perfect for how I envisioned the scenes. They also had a long freezer section. So we shot the scenes that were suppose to be in two markets in just the one.

I apologize if my answer is too long, but if it weren't for the generosity of these two independent store owners, the film would not have been made.

I also have a philosophy as a producer that 'it can't hurt to ask'. :)

Glad you enjoyed the film and thanks for asking!
 
DarkElastic said:
Hi Robert,

This was a nice short. I was lucky both time with my missus that she didn't really have stange cravings, just anything that was in the cupboards...
Really nicely filmed, good acting, good script, excellent showdown, would have been better if you had more time to expand on it as he gets the jar a little easy.
I wasn't too impressed with what the robbers were wearing on their faces, you missed a chance to do something funnier there I feel.

Overall, a good short. Good work.
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DarkElastic (I'll ask you about your user name later),

Thank you for watching the film and thank you for your comments! 'Both times'? So you have two?

Thank you for the nice comments on specific areas of the film. I did have a thought that the pickle jar would 'slip' out of their hands and we would see it tumbling in the air in slow motion, then the husband catches it before it hits the ground, but that was too dangerous and complicated. I even had a 'stunt' jar of pickles! (an extra jar just in case) :)

Do you have some ideas on what else I could have done with the robbers? I'd love to get some more thoughts and learn for my next film. :thumbsup:

Thanks again!
 
Yes, two mate, a girl of 3 and a half and a boy of 22 months.

A stunt jar, brilliant. Obviously more time with a film would have given you more to play with, but what you have is good. I just need to find something to improve on.

Without taking time to really think about the comedy of the robbers, you could have done something political, like Point Break; something funny like small masks just covering their eyes, like in the old days, or a mask depicting some female cartoon character, He could be being mugged by the one character who would never mug anyone, etc...
Just something more than a hat with eyes cut out of it... I did kind of like the old stockings though.
 
DarkElastic said:
Yes, two mate, a girl of 3 and a half and a boy of 22 months.

A stunt jar, brilliant. Obviously more time with a film would have given you more to play with, but what you have is good. I just need to find something to improve on.

Without taking time to really think about the comedy of the robbers, you could have done something political, like Point Break; something funny like small masks just covering their eyes, like in the old days, or a mask depicting some female cartoon character, He could be being mugged by the one character who would never mug anyone, etc...
Just something more than a hat with eyes cut out of it... I did kind of like the old stockings though.
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Congratulations on your two children!

Ha! Yes, I like your ideas. We had considered the masks like the ones used in Point Break, but my wife said those are too scary. :) I like the small eye covering masks idea. Female cartoon character... hmmm, that would have been funny! Thanks for the ideas. I'll have to get more feedback on my script next time.

Thank you.

-Robert
 
Thanks mate,

You know it is a small thing, I just thought you missed a good opportunity. I think it is one of those things that need to be thought of when you have your locations, your actors, etc. It might be quite hard when you just have the script... I suppose experience and comments on past work is the only way you will catch these situations.

Good luck.
 
Nice wam look. Good idea. Good locations. I ike the lead. He had a "normal guy" look that was cool...
 
dsto said:
Nice wam look. Good idea. Good locations. I ike the lead. He had a "normal guy" look that was cool...
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dsto, I appreciate your observation about the lead. I was looking for a "normal guy" look and found it with Zac Leger. He's also a musician (aren't a lot of actors?) and he can have a 'hard look' as well. I also wanted someone with a quiet disposition, so that we might feel sorry for the guy. I thought he fit the part very well.

Obviously, the story takes place late a night, so his wardrobe was sweat pants, simple T-Shirt and flip-flops. :) Simple and ordinary.

Thanks for watching and commenting!
 
I liked the wardrobe and art design you used, it did give a very "average joe" feel to the film. I really liked the concept and I'm sure it's something that anyone who has been around a pregnant woman can relate to. From a audio perspective I noticed that the first store he went into to get the ice cream that his audio buy the freezer sounded really manipulated like you tried using an EQ or hum remover to get rid of the fridge buzz. Since his audio was being heard while you were using an OTS on the ice cream you could have just recorded his dialogue during post and mixed it with nat sound from the fridge. From a cinematography perspective I notcied that you had flickering from shooting under the flourecent lights in the first super market, and there isn't much you can do about that, but just something to be cautious of.
Having said that I enjoyed the short and especially liked the ending.
 
The title says it all! A very cute film that found it's way to the end with a few bumps along the way. I have to say that I really did like the film mostly, but wanted more of a sense of possible failure. There didn't seem to be any real desperation to him finding what he needed (which I think would have added to the comedic element). I didn't really get the comparison of the ice creams (as he supposedly was searching for her favorite and the two he pulls out are in no way similar). I also wanted more of a struggle to get the pickles before the other guy. The robbers at the end missed in my opinion and could have been taken out or amp'd up (such as them grabbing the pickles, getting stopped by cops, husband sneaking in to get pickles without being seen, etc.). I do realize that you only had six minutes, but I feel like some of the jokes didn't work and could have been taken out to make some of the better ones funny. Overall though, I liked your film and thank you for sharing!
 
Just checked this out. I thought the shooting/lighting/sound were top notch. It had the professional I look for when I try shooting, but I'm not quite there yet.

So good job there.

The story I thought was okay. Maybe it just ins't my thing but I just thought it was okay. It flowed very well but the subject matter has been done and done again so iut felt a little bland to me.

Good luck to you!
 
Fictionfeatures said:
I liked the wardrobe and art design you used, it did give a very "average joe" feel to the film. I really liked the concept and I'm sure it's something that anyone who has been around a pregnant woman can relate to. From a audio perspective I noticed that the first store he went into to get the ice cream that his audio buy the freezer sounded really manipulated like you tried using an EQ or hum remover to get rid of the fridge buzz. Since his audio was being heard while you were using an OTS on the ice cream you could have just recorded his dialogue during post and mixed it with nat sound from the fridge. From a cinematography perspective I notcied that you had flickering from shooting under the flourecent lights in the first super market, and there isn't much you can do about that, but just something to be cautious of.
Having said that I enjoyed the short and especially liked the ending.
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Fictionfeatures, thank you for commenting. You've got a good ear! In the initial shot of the freezer section, I did not need to modify the audio, but yes, for the OTS and dialog, I did. The freezer section in the OTS shot was actually in a different part of the store. I used noise reduction to get to the dialog only and then added a layer of 'room tone' audio of the original freezer section. I would agree that the dialog sounds a little 'digital' there. :)

I did not notice the 'flickering' fluorescent lights. I'll have to take a look at it again.

I'm glad you enjoyed the short and the ending. Thank you.
 
~jai~ said:
The title says it all! A very cute film that found it's way to the end with a few bumps along the way. I have to say that I really did like the film mostly, but wanted more of a sense of possible failure. There didn't seem to be any real desperation to him finding what he needed (which I think would have added to the comedic element). I didn't really get the comparison of the ice creams (as he supposedly was searching for her favorite and the two he pulls out are in no way similar). I also wanted more of a struggle to get the pickles before the other guy. The robbers at the end missed in my opinion and could have been taken out or amp'd up (such as them grabbing the pickles, getting stopped by cops, husband sneaking in to get pickles without being seen, etc.). I do realize that you only had six minutes, but I feel like some of the jokes didn't work and could have been taken out to make some of the better ones funny. Overall though, I liked your film and thank you for sharing!
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Jaimyon, thanks for watching! I tried a different route and instead of desperation, he was tired and frustrated. His frustration finally peaked when the robbers confronted him, and he wasn't bothered, but just gave up ('awww come on!) and then went into his rant about the whole night. The robbers were then disarmed and went on to 'greener' pastures. :)

Thank you for your comments and in-depth analysis.
 
richke said:
Just checked this out. I thought the shooting/lighting/sound were top notch. It had the professional I look for when I try shooting, but I'm not quite there yet.

So good job there.

The story I thought was okay. Maybe it just ins't my thing but I just thought it was okay. It flowed very well but the subject matter has been done and done again so iut felt a little bland to me.

Good luck to you!
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richke, thank you for the technical compliments. I understand the story not being 'your thing'. I'm the same way about my likes and dislikes! :)

I thought the story had a familiar feeling and wasn't sure if it had been done before, but I thought that it fit the 'quest' theme very well. My first story ideas were of a medieval quest, but I couldn't figure out logistically how to pull that off in 6 minutes.

Thank you for watching and thank you for stopping by!
 
Hey congrats on your film, I just checked it out. I haven't been keeping up with the thread so forgive me if my notes have already been voiced...

I felt like you didn't take the idea far enough. I mean, I think you could have gone more over-the-top with it than you did. I don't have specific ideas for you, but I just felt that in general, the stakes weren't high enough...given the scenarios presented. And while there was an escalation to the different events... despite their absurdity, it felt like there were missed opportunities for something BIGGER. He has to pay the cashier in change... but fortunately he had enough. There was one pickle jar left...and the other guy wanted it... but he let him take it (i love the "married" line though, that was hysterical!). The muggers tried to mug him... but they just let him walk away.

I just felt like each scenario was a missed opportunity for something greater.. and instead settled for just good. And it is GOOD.. by the way. You did an excellent job and undoubtedly will make it into the top 8 or 10 or whatever it is. Congrats on a job well done!
 
blindbuzta said:
Hey congrats on your film, I just checked it out. I haven't been keeping up with the thread so forgive me if my notes have already been voiced...

I felt like you didn't take the idea far enough. I mean, I think you could have gone more over-the-top with it than you did. I don't have specific ideas for you, but I just felt that in general, the stakes weren't high enough...given the scenarios presented. And while there was an escalation to the different events... despite their absurdity, it felt like there were missed opportunities for something BIGGER. He has to pay the cashier in change... but fortunately he had enough. There was one pickle jar left...and the other guy wanted it... but he let him take it (i love the "married" line though, that was hysterical!). The muggers tried to mug him... but they just let him walk away.

I just felt like each scenario was a missed opportunity for something greater.. and instead settled for just good. And it is GOOD.. by the way. You did an excellent job and undoubtedly will make it into the top 8 or 10 or whatever it is. Congrats on a job well done!
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Hey Mike,

Thanks for watching and thanks for stopping by. There have been a number of comments about how I could have gone further with the gags, etc. I was trying to balance between the comedy of the circumstances without going over the top or making it seem like 'goofy' comedy.

I did write this with the 'escalation of different events' in mind. There were basically four obstacles (with some subtle ones in between) that I wanted to show within the 6 minutes. Perhaps, I should have had fewer obstacles and expanded on the ones left in? Good comments, thanks!

This is one of those situations where I think a collaboration, even with the writing, would work real well, especially for a comedy.

I really appreciate you taking the time to watch and review and I appreciate your comment about the top 8 or 10. I was informed that this film ranked #10! So I made it into the Top 10, but alas, they are only screening the top 8 finalists. :)
 
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