SHORT: Narrative short film shot in Brazil

R

ropbo

Active member
Shot this in Brazil a few months ago. Still editing it but it should be ready by the end of the year. This is a little teaser I put together. The title is "The Man Who Knew Too Little". It's a detective story, inspired by an old TV show called "Alfred Hitchcock Presents". I shot this in a "El mariachi" style (I know it shows, but I didn't have much money to hire ... well, people) ...

Anyways, felt like sharing it with you guys (this is the worst part to me, I'm a bit shy about it).


For some reason the contrast is a bit low on this version.

Vimeo version:

https://vimeo.com/138440992
 
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Love the faces and generally like the framing. Camera movement ranges between strong and sloppy. I don't particularly care for the color treatment--looks very literal and uninspired. Also reinforces my opinion that I never want to shoot anything in direct sun.

Cool project. I'd like to see the full film.
 
I have to agree with charliemcdanger, including all the positive points. However, I'd add one thing about this teaser - you need to mix it up a bit pace-wise. Because as it sits now, it feels as if zero attention has been paid to pacing - you've just picked scenes and cut them together... which is really not enough - after all, you wouldn't gather all the ingredients in a meal and then thrown them into one pot with no proper cooking. Remember we are watching teasers/trailers with one goal in mind: to determine if we're going to sink 90-120+ minutes of our lives (plus $) into this - and with an indy there is no benefit of name or A-list actors... at least with A-list actors we feel a semi-guarantee that they would not agree to a completely worthless project, and they'll at least deliver a professional performance; with indys there are no such warranties, and so we go in with an extra strong dose of scepticism and fear. So, right off the bat, I'll tell you what my fear is looking at this trailer: I like the faces, but where is the ENERGY? I want a bit of intensity and a flash of action/punch something to look forward to. That's at least partially an issue of pacing - we need a faster scene mixed in there, so we can be at least assured it won't be a snoozefest. So I'd say the faces and the setting and the mood brought us 90% there, but in order to close the sale, we need some faster action, some intensity, some energy and something extra to push us over the top. If you want to look at it with fresh eyes, do this experiment: watch this teaser again, but with the thought "LOW ENERGY"... "WHERE IS THE ENERGY??"... and if you see - as you will - that the entire thing lacks a single scene that promises some energy, your viewers will walk away with the subconscious fear that the entire movie lacks energy. How is that possible? Well, take a look at f.ex. the limo pulling up, starting with 0:35 - and then we see the denouement/payoff in 0:57 when the rear window on the limo goes down to reveal: DUH - DUH - DUH... what? A guy taking off his sunglasses, looking up - sure, nice face, but... a bit of a letdown after this buildup - and this is in the teaser, showing us the best - what hope is there for more energy in the rest of the movie? When you set up, and then pay off, you need to deliver on the payoff - this doesn't quite push me from 90% to 100% of closing the sale. Now, if the window on the limo went down and we saw nothing for a beat, except the black hole - and then something awful was throw out of the window by unseen person(s), landing with a sickening thud on the ground... well, I'd watch the heck out of that movie - sold! Now, I'm pushed to 100%, sale made! See what I mean? You need that little bit of extra something, a punch, a hit, a promise of more than the usual. What is the danger with a trailer as it stands? OK, we all know this indy crime movie that's not very good: a film that is nothing but a series of promises of THINGS to come, but really only amounts to a series of poses struck by "good" faces, amounting to nothing in the end - empty promises. That's the danger in this teaser - watching this teaser, there is nothing here to reassure me that this is not one of "those" movies, that makes a lot of promises to deliver nothing in the end. So I need to see something deliver, at least at some point in the teaser. But otherwise, I like a lot of what I see - 90%. I still need the 10% to take me to 100%.
 
Thank you guys for your comments, they helped me a lot. I’m actually thinking about hiring a colorist for the final version of the film since grading this thing was a nightmare. Not my thing and to make things worse, I didn’t use a professional monitor (used one of these cheap LCD panels calibrated with a Spyder Pro).

As for the pace, it makes sense what you said, OldCorpse. I’ll pay more attention to that. This is a 15 minute short and I didn’t have much “action” to show though but I think the story is good and engaging. I got some good feedback on it.

But again, thanks for your comments. I really appreciate it.
 
Hmm. Sorry, ropbo, I somehow missed the point that this is a short - I thought it was a feature! In that light, I would definitely tone down the emphasis in my "pacing" remarks - what I said applies much more to a full-length feature, you have much more leeway in a short. But overall, I really liked it - and for a short, I'd watch it (so I'm sold!)... but for a feature I'd need more to sell me from 90% to 100%.
 
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