SHORT: My Life - Prisoner of the Corporate Life (Toronto)

I

iloveyiyi

Member
Hey guys! Had a chance to shoot my first semi-serious microfilm this year with a couple of friends, and learned a lot from it! I hope you guys will enjoy it :)

[MicroFilm] My Life - Prisoner of the Corporate Life (Toronto)

Running time: 7 minutes and 7 seconds

Synopsis:
Everyone is a prisoner of the corporate life - day after day of meaningless and repetitive work. When modern success is measured by how wealthy and powerful you are, do money and status give you everything you have ever wanted? Or are they lurking in the dark, slowly taking away the things that you treasure most?

 
Some feedback, FWIW, take from it whatever may be of value (if anything). People who have to watch tons of material from aspiring filmmakers, develop certain instincts. I used to work at a talent agency, and so had to watch a ton of such work - most of it, of course, over 99.99% was hopeless. Some things I dismissed very quickly. Like stuff that's so cliched, it indicates that there is absolutely no use watching any further.

Example: starting with a guy/gal in bed, stopping an alarm clock - no, sir, we've seen it only a billion times. Do we want to see it again? What's new and interesting in this version? Same with shots of putting on slippers next to the bed. Cliche.

Here's the challenge to a filmmaker. You must attract attention. How are you going to convey the same idea, but with a fresh visual approach? Arrest our attention. Don't bore us with what we've seen a million times.

"It was all a dream" - sorry, but not even young filmmakers, in highschool, think it's something to be done without a massive twist. The moral of the story is not something we haven't seen before either - it's not very novel to suggest that money and success at the cost of family and relationships is not deemed "worth it" or buying happiness.

So, remember that "twist"? Here's how you could have done it, to at least redeem it a tiny bit: when he "wakes up" from the nightmare, he wakes up next to a beautiful model; he slaps her buttocks to wake her up, and brusquely orders her to get him coffee, while he lights up a cigarette in bed. She jumps out and runs to the kitchen, while he shoots smoke rings, smiling, and we hear his thoughts: "Wow, what a nightmare! So glad I don't have that girlfriend from my nightmare - she would want me to have only time for her and not a career, and then ten years down the road, she would have left me anyway, because we're poor - wow, so lucky I'm rich and can get a model girlfriend, and at least I know her price, if I get tired of her, there's always another one." The model comes back with coffee, he orders her to go brush her teeth. She goes to the bathroom, and he drinks his coffee, and we hear his thoughts: "I make my Mom so happy - bought her a house, send her on expensive vacations, and all that jewelry and fur, she loves impressing all her friends, that's what she lives for - showing off her status and how successful her son is - and when she dies, she'll die happy". Model comes back, and he indicates with a flick of his tongue what he wants, and she dives under the cover to deliver, while he picks up the phone and closes another million dollar deal - then says on the phone: "yeah, I'll sign the contract in the afternoon, because I don't do early morning meetings - I wake up at noon... early mornings are for those who still haven't made it... I made it, so I don't even own an alarm clock!". He puts down the phone, and as he climaxes, an expression of bliss on his face - he moans "aaah, it's good to be rich!".

Now, it is *slightly* different, might be a bit more memorable, elicit a smile.

But on a completely different note - know your strengths. It is my personal opinion, that you could make a huge career in TV. I love your instructional videos - including the recent one about tripods. You have real talent, but you shouldn't waste it on such a narrow field as photography and video equipment. Go for a larger audience. Here's what you should do - I am confident you'd have huge success. Make instructional videos for a late night show, but about things which more people can identify with. Just be yourself, don't change a thing. First video: 5 minutes on how to put on a hat. Second video: 5 minutes on how to put on glasses. Third video: 5 minutes on how to put on socks. And so on. Guaranteed hit. Late night cult classic, you'll have devoted audiences everywhere.

Anyhow, I'm a big fan, so I hope you found this feedback at least a little helpful. Best of luck!
 
This was nicely shot man. Especially the beginning scene. And I really like the way you used the change in colors.
 
Hello! Thank you so much for the feedback here - and please believe me I've taken them all to my heart :)

It is nothing more selfless than to share your industry experience and advice with other, and I want to thank you again for that - cheers and Merry Christmas!

OldCorpse said:
Some feedback, FWIW, take from it whatever may be of value (if anything). People who have to watch tons of material from aspiring filmmakers, develop certain instincts. I used to work at a talent agency, and so had to watch a ton of such work - most of it, of course, over 99.99% was hopeless. Some things I dismissed very quickly. Like stuff that's so cliched, it indicates that there is absolutely no use watching any further.

Example: starting with a guy/gal in bed, stopping an alarm clock - no, sir, we've seen it only a billion times. Do we want to see it again? What's new and interesting in this version? Same with shots of putting on slippers next to the bed. Cliche.

Here's the challenge to a filmmaker. You must attract attention. How are you going to convey the same idea, but with a fresh visual approach? Arrest our attention. Don't bore us with what we've seen a million times.

"It was all a dream" - sorry, but not even young filmmakers, in highschool, think it's something to be done without a massive twist. The moral of the story is not something we haven't seen before either - it's not very novel to suggest that money and success at the cost of family and relationships is not deemed "worth it" or buying happiness.

So, remember that "twist"? Here's how you could have done it, to at least redeem it a tiny bit: when he "wakes up" from the nightmare, he wakes up next to a beautiful model; he slaps her buttocks to wake her up, and brusquely orders her to get him coffee, while he lights up a cigarette in bed. She jumps out and runs to the kitchen, while he shoots smoke rings, smiling, and we hear his thoughts: "Wow, what a nightmare! So glad I don't have that girlfriend from my nightmare - she would want me to have only time for her and not a career, and then ten years down the road, she would have left me anyway, because we're poor - wow, so lucky I'm rich and can get a model girlfriend, and at least I know her price, if I get tired of her, there's always another one." The model comes back with coffee, he orders her to go brush her teeth. She goes to the bathroom, and he drinks his coffee, and we hear his thoughts: "I make my Mom so happy - bought her a house, send her on expensive vacations, and all that jewelry and fur, she loves impressing all her friends, that's what she lives for - showing off her status and how successful her son is - and when she dies, she'll die happy". Model comes back, and he indicates with a flick of his tongue what he wants, and she dives under the cover to deliver, while he picks up the phone and closes another million dollar deal - then says on the phone: "yeah, I'll sign the contract in the afternoon, because I don't do early morning meetings - I wake up at noon... early mornings are for those who still haven't made it... I made it, so I don't even own an alarm clock!". He puts down the phone, and as he climaxes, an expression of bliss on his face - he moans "aaah, it's good to be rich!".

Now, it is *slightly* different, might be a bit more memorable, elicit a smile.

But on a completely different note - know your strengths. It is my personal opinion, that you could make a huge career in TV. I love your instructional videos - including the recent one about tripods. You have real talent, but you shouldn't waste it on such a narrow field as photography and video equipment. Go for a larger audience. Here's what you should do - I am confident you'd have huge success. Make instructional videos for a late night show, but about things which more people can identify with. Just be yourself, don't change a thing. First video: 5 minutes on how to put on a hat. Second video: 5 minutes on how to put on glasses. Third video: 5 minutes on how to put on socks. And so on. Guaranteed hit. Late night cult classic, you'll have devoted audiences everywhere.

Anyhow, I'm a big fan, so I hope you found this feedback at least a little helpful. Best of luck!
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