GH13 My first short, produced on a hacked GH1!

C

CColton

Well-known member
I'm posting my short film here. I would very much appreciate constructive criticism as to how to improve for my next short. Please don't concern yourself too much with pixel peeping, I think the visual quality of the sort turned out well. Also, it is streaming from Vimeo in 1080p so you may have to let if buffer a bit before playing. Depending on your browser, you may have to go to Vimeo in order to play it in full screen.


This is my first short, so please tell me how to improve in the future. I plan to continue making shorts for fun, in addition to my freelance business.

I'll answer production questions (equipment, techniques used, etc.) if you have any.
 
I'll comment on a couple of items that occurred to me in the couple of minutes or so.

1) Title located such that the letters and the silver type font color used 'matched' the clock, making it slightly hard to read...
2) Wakeup sequence a bit longish.
3) throws perfectly good toast in the trash... remember charcoal is good for acid stomach...
4) Tighter on the exit the apartment, on bike, then walking into building. I probably would have cut the bike altogehter, and cut the walking into the building down to just enough to set that the fellow is at school to locate the next shot of the office.
5) Would have tightened up the 'more walking' into the cafe/bar.
 
I like it. Very watchable. Now im wondering how it went for coffee and did they start dating etc.

what sound stuff did you use and also lens(s)?

Reminds me when my card was declined when i tried to use it at a place i normally didnt go to.

I agree on the title.
 
j1clark@ucsd.edu said:
I'll comment on a couple of items that occurred to me in the couple of minutes or so.

1) Title located such that the letters and the silver type font color used 'matched' the clock, making it slightly hard to read...
2) Wakeup sequence a bit longish.
3) throws perfectly good toast in the trash... remember charcoal is good for acid stomach...
4) Tighter on the exit the apartment, on bike, then walking into building. I probably would have cut the bike altogehter, and cut the walking into the building down to just enough to set that the fellow is at school to locate the next shot of the office.
5) Would have tightened up the 'more walking' into the cafe/bar.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the suggestions!
 
scottwilson said:
I like it. Very watchable. Now im wondering how it went for coffee and did they start dating etc.

what sound stuff did you use and also lens(s)?

Reminds me when my card was declined when i tried to use it at a place i normally didnt go to.

I agree on the title.
Click to expand...

Thank you very much! Audio was recorded on set with a Tascam DR-07 and a shutgun mic on a boom, as well as a lavalier mic for one of the shots.

Most of the film was shot on the Panasonic 20mm f1.7, with a Canon FD 50mm f1.7 in one shot.
 
very impressed, you show great promise seeing this is your first film? I do have to say the opening scene could have benefited from an establishing shot, Maybe a as simple as a shot of a house, and someone waliking by with a dog. Just helps to set the scene up.
 
maranfilms said:
very impressed, you show great promise seeing this is your first film? I do have to say the opening scene could have benefited from an establishing shot, Maybe a as simple as a shot of a house, and someone waliking by with a dog. Just helps to set the scene up.
Click to expand...

Thank you very much! This is my first film. I've been doing freelance production work for a few years, but that's mostly promotional, web, corporate, and event video.

I considered and establishing shot but I liked the idea of starting on the clock. Thanks, that already has me thinking of my next short! (I have two ideas, one script, and no time to do it!)
 
Very nice short. I was pleasantly surprised. And since you seem genuinely interested in feedback, I'll add my two cents.

Ditto on the opening sleep sequence. Too long for my tastes. And I don't agree with a previous poster that said you needed an exterior setup shot. The opening was fine.

I thought you could have made more of the coffee shop problem. I think it is mainly a script issue but perhaps you weren't supposed to be in there filming. Anyway, the scene felt a bit rushed.

The lighting on the main character's face when he finally talks to the girl didn't match the girl's.

My main issue though, is the acting of the main character. I saw his frustration, I understood his frustration, I just didn't feel it. Don't know if that was your direction or his acting. I thought the surrounding cast were very good.

Despite all that, well done. A very worthy first effort. Are you thinking of continuing the story?
 
stoneinapond said:
Very nice short. I was pleasantly surprised. And since you seem genuinely interested in feedback, I'll add my two cents.

Ditto on the opening sleep sequence. Too long for my tastes. And I don't agree with a previous poster that said you needed an exterior setup shot. The opening was fine.

I thought you could have made more of the coffee shop problem. I think it is mainly a script issue but perhaps you weren't supposed to be in there filming. Anyway, the scene felt a bit rushed.

The lighting on the main character's face when he finally talks to the girl didn't match the girl's.

My main issue though, is the acting of the main character. I saw his frustration, I understood his frustration, I just didn't feel it. Don't know if that was your direction or his acting. I thought the surrounding cast were very good.

Despite all that, well done. A very worthy first effort. Are you thinking of continuing the story?
Click to expand...

Thanks for the feedback! We didn't have very much time to film in the restaurant, due to time constraints. They were ok with us filming inside, we just didn't have enough time to do all of the shots I would've liked (an insert of the card swipe, CUs on faces, etc.).

I had not previously considered continuing the story, but I've had several comments saying they'd like to see what happens next, so I might continue it at some point. What do you guys think?
 
CColton said:
What do you guys think?
Click to expand...

You do have a decent set up. I can imagine a boat load of scenarios. You bring in a guy who created the flat. The guy who didn't give him the job. A psycho girlfriend. A happy ever after love story.

Or make it an ultra-mini mini series.

:beer:
 
stoneinapond said:
You do have a decent set up. I can imagine a boat load of scenarios. You bring in a guy who created the flat. The guy who didn't give him the job. A psycho girlfriend. A happy ever after love story.

Or make it an ultra-mini mini series.

:beer:
Click to expand...

Hmm sounds good!
 
I was able to listen to the sound today, and a couple of comments. Don't know what you had for capturing sound, but there was quite a bit of low frequency rumble/noise, perhaps that could have been eliminated and something nicer for 'ambient sound' used to replace it. When the main character is getting a phone call, you should filter the sound to make it sound more like a 'phone' call, the audio section has had a couple of threads on this topic. Basically the phone system rolls off the high tones, the low tones, and there may be a bit of hiss in the remaining mid tones...

The shot at the prof's office was a good set up, girl frame right foreground, guy+teacher background. I don't think the shot in the restaurant worked as well. The pan and stop on her to me was too short, and she was in profile, rather than perhaps pan + dolly to a position where she is more 'obvious', to the viewer.
 
j1clark@ucsd.edu said:
I was able to listen to the sound today, and a couple of comments. Don't know what you had for capturing sound, but there was quite a bit of low frequency rumble/noise, perhaps that could have been eliminated and something nicer for 'ambient sound' used to replace it. When the main character is getting a phone call, you should filter the sound to make it sound more like a 'phone' call, the audio section has had a couple of threads on this topic. Basically the phone system rolls off the high tones, the low tones, and there may be a bit of hiss in the remaining mid tones...

The shot at the prof's office was a good set up, girl frame right foreground, guy+teacher background. I don't think the shot in the restaurant worked as well. The pan and stop on her to me was too short, and she was in profile, rather than perhaps pan + dolly to a position where she is more 'obvious', to the viewer.
Click to expand...

I was advised to make the phone call less "sythesized" so I mixed the EQ'ed audio with the original, which is why it doesn't sound fake enough. Clearly I should've ignored the guy who told me that.

Thanks for the input about the restaurant scene. There are a lot of things I'd do differently next time. We had very little time to shoot and the restautrant was getting annoyed with us, so we couldn't do more than we already did :/
 
CColton said:
I was advised to make the phone call less "sythesized" so I mixed the EQ'ed audio with the original, which is why it doesn't sound fake enough. Clearly I should've ignored the guy who told me that.
Click to expand...

Well if you listen carefully, you really don't hear anything of a caller's voice these days, unless they are on a speaker phone. If you do that, just get an assistant to call the phone at the appropriate time.

The other way is a script issue in that the main character's conversation tells you all that is being said on the other end. Much harder to do but in the long run it gives the scene time to breath.
 
stoneinapond said:
Well if you listen carefully, you really don't hear anything of a caller's voice these days, unless they are on a speaker phone. If you do that, just get an assistant to call the phone at the appropriate time.

The other way is a script issue in that the main character's conversation tells you all that is being said on the other end. Much harder to do but in the long run it gives the scene time to breath.
Click to expand...

Thanks! Next time I'd probably either make the conversation one-sided or the voice quieter and more artificial. Or cut between the two callers in their respective locations.
 
Very nice Chris. Pleasing story and nice sharp, well composed GH1 images.

Looking forward to the sequel.

Thanks for sharing.
 
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