Have the song start right away, having your own music below your logo and than having the song start 10 or 15 seconds into the video doesn't really work. Also I'd suggest getting a variety of camera angles, and a variety of shot sizes, and more locations
i like it... its an in studio joint you get your point across my only input is brighten it a bit it can still have dark or cold feel but you should make sure your viewers see what you want them to see
oh and adjust the white balance to make sure your whites are white on the screen before you start shooting every time that brown feel to people who do this is noticable white balance wasnt adjusted