Lovecraft

I also have no experience of Lovecraft. But with regards to the head it did not annoy as I read it as being back to normal, because, Mr Green entered and made no comment about his head, but did about the blood and brain on the curtains. That tells me that his head was back to normal with no traces of blood or a wound on it, as i would have expected Mr Green to comment on his Lovecraft's look as well.
 
Chris, really well done. Reads easily. Lovecraft is very cool character and you do want to see more of him. I really enjoyed it.

One thing I want to say though, and this is merely my personal opinion, I like to see a complete short. What I mean is, I think it's great that you created such a strong character and wrote this piece really well, but it feels more like one event in this characters longer journey. Its like a reveal into his world and who he is. But hey, all just opinion.

Again, really well written.
 
Wow, very creative. It's hard for me to give you any constructive feedback as I think you nailed it. Nice job, I can't wait for the series. :thumbup:
 
Very good, really enjoyed it. Thought Lovecraft's dialogue was very good.

I also had a little trouble with the beginning as far as him shooting himself in the head. I didn't realize that he had gone about business as usual til I read the bit about the brains on the curtains. Maybe just something small, note that he still has the gun in his hand and rubs his head oir something.

Overall I thought you did a really good job, interesting characters, world, well told, good job.
 
some quick notes as i was reading:

3rd paragraph:
"the screens dead reflection" maybe... "the dead screen's reflection"

also, "betray his tormented past"... do you mean "portray his tormented past"?

kinda hard (for me) to follow exactly what's happening... also, i'm not sure if it qualifies as pulp.

i haven't read your thread yet, so if those things were mentioned, just ignore them. i think you have a good story here, but it confused me a little. no big deal though, i'm going to read other's comments and then re-read the script. i'm sure i'll get it the second time around, and more comments to follow...
 
preston said:
some quick notes as i was reading:

3rd paragraph:
"the screens dead reflection" maybe... "the dead screen's reflection"

also, "betray his tormented past"... do you mean "portray his tormented past"?

kinda hard (for me) to follow exactly what's happening... also, i'm not sure if it qualifies as pulp.

i haven't read your thread yet, so if those things were mentioned, just ignore them. i think you have a good story here, but it confused me a little. no big deal though, i'm going to read other's comments and then re-read the script. i'm sure i'll get it the second time around, and more comments to follow...
Click to expand...

'Betray his tormented past' was my flowery way of saying he's a hardcase, but every once in awhile his torment breaks through to the surface.

Believe me I had to explore the whole internet to get an idea of what pulp fiction is. And hell that didn't help, much. Basically all pulp is cheap and dirty stories designed to get a rise out of the audience quickly. Pulp topics wandered from Futurescapes, Monster, Ghosts Stories, and the ever present Private Dicks. Not just Quentin Terantino movies. So I decided to mix the popular detective dude with something supernatural. I didn't try to replicate the old style, but do the same thing for today's audiences. We aren't making movies for the OLD pulp fiction audiences, but for people today.

Hopefully that helps. :beer:

Thanks for the feedback
 
This was a good read and a courageous entry, but I'll admit I had some difficulty getting into the swing of it. I had to go back and read it several times to work out what I think of it and actually I'm still not sure. The Lovecraft and his universe you are portraying are pretty "abnormal" and maybe your style is rather laid back to get it all across in a few short pages. Maybe what I'm saying is just a different way of expressing what others have said about it seeming part of something larger. As a standalone piece maybe it should have been a bit harder hitting? - It's certainly well-written and well structured. On a nitpicking note, I think it should be "Sheol" and not "Schoel" (page 3), unless this is an alternative spelling I'm not aware of. Thanks for the read.
Jason
 
All you need is to get Guillermo del Toro to direct!

But seriously, this was a cool script. I liked it a lot.

A couple comments. There seems to be just a tad too much V.O. for how much action there is. And the dream sequence seemed a little cliche. And I assumed he had dreamed shooting himself as well, until we heard that great sinus problems line.

Good characters, nice dialogue, and cool objects. Nice work!
 
Chris_Keaton said:
'Betray his tormented past' was my flowery way of saying he's a hardcase, but every once in awhile his torment breaks through to the surface.
Click to expand...
Chris_Keaton said:
Believe me I had to explore the whole internet to get an idea of what pulp fiction is. And hell that didn't help, much. Basically all pulp is cheap and dirty stories designed to get a rise out of the audience quickly. Pulp topics wandered from Futurescapes, Monster, Ghosts Stories, and the ever present Private Dicks. Not just Quentin Terantino movies. So I decided to mix the popular detective dude with something supernatural. I didn't try to replicate the old style, but do the same thing for today's audiences. We aren't making movies for the OLD pulp fiction audiences, but for people today.

Hopefully that helps. :beer:

Thanks for the feedback
Click to expand...

:thumbup: gotcha... and i agree with Jason about that great sinus problems line. :thumbup:
 
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I need to reread this one again, but, first impressions, I really like it. I felt like it fell into the Sin City/Hellboy realm... (am I even close?) Very different take on the pulp, noir genre. Refreshing.

I, too, like the sinus line.

I'm not sure I understood who, or what, the main character really is, or why the other guy was an insect. But I liked the writing, the story, the characters, etc.

Nice work! (I'm going to go read it again right now...) :)
 
Review of Lovecraft



Bottom of page 2

INT. DIRTY HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
His eyes open. He lumbers up.

Maybe use Lovecraft’s name to make sure, that as readers, we know it’s him.

Page 4

neat white shirt and jacket

This reads like the jacket is white, but I know it’s black per your description.

This …

He picks up the black handgun and slides it into a shoulder
holster.

*I’d use ‘THE’ shoulder holster since it has already been introduced.

This …

LOVECRAFT (V.O.)
Yeah, they whisper sweet nothings in your
ear. Heaven is great. A lie, of course,
anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool. Or
like me just doesn’t care anymore.

*Same dialogue?

Page 5

This is hilarious …

LOVECRAFT
I had some sinus troubles.

This …

Leather wrapped and ancient Bible

*Do you mean leather-bound?

Pretty clever story. Enjoyed it. Well-crafted ending that makes one think.

Story was solid and easy to follow, no fluff. Love the dream sequence. Classic.



 
respect-001.gif


congrats, Chris.
 
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