"Loss" a Short Film by Alain Mayo

[miamivideo]

Hi guys,
This is my second short titled "Loss", it was intended for the Twilight Fest, but I could not finish it on time and I was over the 6 minutes limit. On the technical side I know I have a lot of issues on the sound, most due to the lack of crew. I had to use a different person almost in every scene to hold the boom pole, sometimes when I didn't have anybody I just used a mic stand. This is an ultra low budget short film but I think I have improved a lot since my first short "killer Time" which is attached to my signature. Thanks in advanced for viewing my short, Comments & Critiques are very welcome, I learned a lot from your critiques on my first short.

Cast & Crew:

Director & DP: Alain Mayo
Story By: Alain Mayo & Jose Batista
Script Writer: Jose Batista

Danny: Jaime Luis Gonzales
Amy: Madeline del Sol
Robber: Jose Batista
Voice: Frantz

Youtube link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEK4LhyQRQg

 

[rlkproductions]

Great film! You did a really great job especially considering the circumstances. Here are a few things I noticed that could be improved:
-I feel like the opening of the film sets a tone that you don't want to set. To me it felt almost like a PSA, which I don't think you are looking for. You might think about re-editing the first two scenes together, so they are intercut. You can let the audience see why the Danny feels so angry as we see him. I feel this would really tighten up the film.
-I'm not a fan of the opening title. I found it sort of cheap-looking, and your film is higher quality than that. I've always felt that a simple title looks best.
-The transition between the two songs at 1:10 sounds a bit weird. You might want to fade one out completely before bringing in the next.
-The shots of the woman at the lake are a bit off. I think the lighting looks a bit unnatural. You might want to use a different shot or consider color correcting it. See 4:36
-At 6:32 there is a bad audio cut, if you just put a short audio transition there it should get rid of the problem.

Great work overall! The film has a really nice look and all of your footage is great.

Check out my film, Complicada Salsa, I would love some feedback on it:
http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=163231

-Ryan

 

[miamivideo]

Great film! You did a really great job especially considering the circumstances. Here are a few things I noticed that could be improved:
-I feel like the opening of the film sets a tone that you don't want to set. To me it felt almost like a PSA, which I don't think you are looking for. You might think about re-editing the first two scenes together, so they are intercut. You can let the audience see why the Danny feels so angry as we see him. I feel this would really tighten up the film.
-I'm not a fan of the opening title. I found it sort of cheap-looking, and your film is higher quality than that. I've always felt that a simple title looks best.
-The transition between the two songs at 1:10 sounds a bit weird. You might want to fade one out completely before bringing in the next.
-The shots of the woman at the lake are a bit off. I think the lighting looks a bit unnatural. You might want to use a different shot or consider color correcting it. See 4:36
-At 6:32 there is a bad audio cut, if you just put a short audio transition there it should get rid of the problem.

Great work overall! The film has a really nice look and all of your footage is great.

Check out my film, Complicada Salsa, I would love some feedback on it:
http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=163231

-Ryan

Thanks for your comments Ryan. I'm going to go over my film and review those things you mentioned. I thought the same about my title, looks cheap. I'm going to check your film once i get home, I'm at work now. Thanks.