"Learning to Prey" - a Nelson / Double Decher Productions

[Charli]

I agree that not all the actors were up to par. I did like the camera movement but for half of the short I felt I was watching a music video and not a short film.

 

[Edgen]

Opening shot....

Cool look and feel of your film. I have to say i enjoyed some of the performances.

If anything, the title may have give the film away and you immediately knew what kind of a film it was by the line, "You could have any boy here.." (or whatever it was..)

Congrats on entering and looking forward to the next round!
/j

 

[ramsaur]

First off I loved the opening shot! That was really cool the whole normal speed then speed up then go back down was cool. Kind of like 300. The film was too quick for me. The ending should have shown the girl talking to a guy with dialogue or without dialogue, she leads him with her out of frame, cut to black, end IMO. also good job on getting extras.

 

[Shawn Philip Nelson]

I like the way it looked and the story kept me interested, but I didn't think you needed to take as long as you did getting to the climax (pun intended! LOL)

The acting on the new girl seemed a bit stiff and unrealistic, especially her reactions to watching from the doorway.

I had some issues with the sound during the first dialogue scene (it was off), but nothing major. Overall it was enjoyable. There was more I liked about it than disliked. Thumbs up!

Thanks for the comments. Funny that some think I took too long and others think it's too short. The pacing feels quick to me.

Sound had trouble, i'll talk more about that later.

Hey, Shawn! I really enjoyed your film. You had some great shots and I love the slo-mo stuff. The quality looked great as well. The acting was really good in some spots and okay in others, like the dialogue between the couple for instance. The story was predictable, but that's okay, because it's how you get to where you're going sometimes that's important. Good job, Shawn!

Thanks. Was the entire thing predictable, including the last shot or just the overall idea that she was a predator? I thought it was fun to flip conventions, usually its the guys preying on the girls.

Looking good- I really like the use of color through out the film. And the speed ramping of the slow mo steady cam was great. Congrats!

thanks! i'm very proud of that shot.

As a guy, I found the opening shot very offensive...all 742 times I watched it.

hmm, you might be more offended if you were able to carefully study the 10 takes it took to get there

Great work shawn!

I'm always impressed with the professional and polished feel your films have. Strong production value.

Loved the speed ramping with that opening shot. Fits perfectly into the style and feel of this film.

SPOILER************* I think the films with the "monster" being integral and part of the twist have a strike against them, because we are all expecting it since it's "monsterfest". That said, I still enjoyed the story and the parallels.

Voices not syncing threw me a bit.

I say this with the utmost love and respect for your lead actor and actresses (Victoria, Chantelle, Teresa) but I felt the performances were a bit pushed. Actors weren't really getting there emotionally, notably in the b/f and g/f confrontation scene. Partly because I have seen them in your other films and I know they can deliver.

Again, fabulous work Shawn. You should be proud. And I am proud to have this be a Portland film!

Oh, and that final next victim POV shot... money!

Agreed on your comments, get me wasted and i'll talk more :nads:

This looked and sounded fantastic. Very professional. Sure some of the performances weren't up to par, but overall it worked for me. Good job.

thanks! which performances worked and didnt work? specific lines that felt wrong or were good for you?

Awesome. Amazing film.

The first shot - a work of art. I found myself completely immersed into this world. Engulfed.

All I have to say is that I highly recommend you remake this movie with a bigger budget. There is something special here.

Getting her first bite. Oh and then that last shot.. When it went to black, shi* went down. I wanted to know what was going to happen... and then the last shot came on and it completely added an exclamation point to your film.

Bigger budget, stronger acting.

Now. Perfect.

thanks! that was my goal in the opening shot, to bring you into the party. I definitely want a bigger budget and time to develop characters. 6 min is very hard to get into things.

Camera movement was great! Loved the opening (of course) but especially the camera following the movement. Sounded pretty good, as did the music.

My nitpick would be the male lead and the trainee.

Decher's reactions seemed very heartfelt but I just didn't totally buy into his.
The SFX shot was amazing! Really nicely done there.

The title is wicked. Great choice.

Nice work.

MAH

Thanks man, I really enjoyed your piece. Patrick did a great job operating! I only grabbed the camera for the overhead bedroom stuff.

For your nitpicks, did you object to all of the male lead and trainee stuff or certain parts of it?

 

[Shawn Philip Nelson]

Hey Shawn, fun piece! I DUG the club scene you put together here with the techno music, complete with DJ, lights, fog, etc. Totally sold it.

Everything seemed to blend fairly well until the male lead started speaking ... something was just slightly off to me with the sound, so I'm not sure if it was a mix thing, ADR, or what ... it could have just been me, but something was catching me as different.

Cool to see Chantelle in something with you, and I thought she did a solid job. I could see the vampire bit coming, but that's largely in part to your poster ... kind of tipped your hat with it. GREAT FX work on the blood spurting & neck would ... I was hugely impressed!

Oh, and one continuity question, or something I caught. We see her unzipping her top, but then when she pounces down on him to unbutton his, she's zipped all the way to the top. Nit pick, I know.

p.s. The editing & speed ramping as others have mentioned was VERY well executed. Solid camera work by Patrick as well!

Good comments, all have merit, would comment more off-board

The entire piece was done in my house and my living room is not big at all, so Patrick and Sam did an awesome job rigging the party. The baby-plates are still bolted to my ceiling

I agree that not all the actors were up to par. I did like the camera movement but for half of the short I felt I was watching a music video and not a short film.

Interesting. Which acting parts did you enjoy and which didnt work for you? The opening part was supposed to be exciting and immersing, so I guess I dont mind it feeling like a music vid. Though it's weird you comment that, music vids usually cut fast and that is a 1-shot, sort of the opposite of a music vid.

Opening shot....

Cool look and feel of your film. I have to say i enjoyed some of the performances.

If anything, the title may have give the film away and you immediately knew what kind of a film it was by the line, "You could have any boy here.." (or whatever it was..)

Congrats on entering and looking forward to the next round!
/j

Sheesh, the one time I do a title that someone can pronounce. that's it, back to Latin for me! lol, just teasing, sort of, haha

Which performances worked for you?

First off I loved the opening shot! That was really cool the whole normal speed then speed up then go back down was cool. Kind of like 300. The film was too quick for me. The ending should have shown the girl talking to a guy with dialogue or without dialogue, she leads him with her out of frame, cut to black, end IMO. also good job on getting extras.

We shot the ending both ways, her talking to a specific guy and her breaking the 4th wall and I felt this way was more powerful. the extras was a massive battle, getting extras for free that are of a certain age and look is daunting. thanks for commenting and viewing!

 

[Kholi]

Per your request, Nelson.

This was one of the ones I actually wanted to watch the most, so that I could view what sort of progress you had made. The very first thing is that there's an obvious curve from your last to this latest, in that there's a coherent and cohesive moment to follow. Nothing left up to the viewer to decide, nothing ambiguous, just straight forward narrative which I think is great, it'll help you improve immensely.

Along with that, it's cool that you tackled simple material and nothing that would break your brain. I always have an issue with just doing something simple and commend those who choose to do that and practice versus waiting for the more in-depth project to grow.

I also liked the effort put into creating a party atmosphere in the beginning with what you had available. Making what you had work for you is always a plus in my book. There is something I want to address on that front.

I haven't read the responses to the thread (I always go in virginal, haha) but I assume there've been enough comments on acting. One thing I will say is that the arguement between the female and male seemed very difficult, where the female has little to play against due to her experience, which in turn causes her performance to either drag or seem inappropriate. She actually does have a somewhat believable performance, I think it's simply what she had to work with that detracts from it. Just what I got from it. This is also tied into dialog, as it's on the nose and feels false to the situation. Forced. It's almost uneeded at this point, because she serves no further role in the short and he just gets it in the end. It doesn't help him seem like a bad enough guy to get his neck torn through. Was there a purpose that I missed in the arguement?

I don't have an issue with how things played out afterward. A bit anticlimactic but we establish that the conflict is only in that the other girl needs to Learn To Prey, she does, so be it. Are there other ways that could have been more impactful? Maybe. But this is what it is.

Still, you're improving in all areas and it's great to see. This is, in my opinion, your best effort yet and going forward I think what might be beneficial would be weighing out what's really important in the story. What may seem trivial or filler or distracting. By doing that, which I'm sure you did-- again, don't get me wrong-- you get to build on the elements that are important (learning to prey and preying on said prey) and flesh those out. Pun Intended???

So to close up, I dig the simple approach and the execution on what you had to work with, I did actually feel quite comfortable with the closing shot and sequence and I'm looking forward to seeing how you progress next all around.

=]

 

[Shawn Philip Nelson]

Hey Kholi, thanks for your thoughts! I really appreciate you taking the time. Your take on the party is very interesting, as I originally wrote it to be a house party. I had assumed this would be evident since the camera pans past a refrigerator, cabinetry, carpeted stairs, etc., all things that are obviously a domestic house. I didnt think anyone would get to the living room and think we were at a club. If I was trying to fake a club, I would have duv'd off the fridge, stairwell, etc.

Good thoughts on bringing better balance to my story, in that aspect the thematic pacing is indeed off, it's starting to feel like 3 movies bridged together.

Fair ding on me on the dialogue in the couple fight, I grew to hate it by the end. I should have ignored the pressure to build up the lines and cut it way down, I may do this for a post-festival cut.

 

[Kholi]

Hey Kholi, thanks for your thoughts! I really appreciate you taking the time. Your take on the party is very interesting, as I originally wrote it to be a house party. I had assumed this would be evident since the camera pans past a refrigerator, cabinetry, carpeted stairs, etc., all things that are obviously a domestic house. I didnt think anyone would get to the living room and think we were at a club. If I was trying to fake a club, I would have duv'd off the fridge, stairwell, etc.

I'm on my phone but duuuh. That does make sense. I think hat threw me off were the lights and atmosphere. It didn't read house party for me but I'm from the south?? I dunno if our house parties looked like raves.

My bad!

 

[johnhafner]

I've been to plenty of house parties that look like that, so I wasn't' confused. SUPERB technically. Great lighting and music. The actors performance didn't bother me very much, You can't expect oscar stuff from teenagers who aren't getting paid and I've seen worse in major feature films IMHO. The sound wasn't properly synced up to the dialog, which WAS distracting. the camera work, ramping, lighting, cam moves were all very professional. Did you use a steadycam or similar?

To me the choice of narrative structure was the weakest part of this very well executed entry. This is totally a creative choice, but I think it would have added some more intrigue had you not had both the title and the opening dialog revealing the ending. (Esp in a monsterfest contest). The whole story seemed to me to lend itself to a REVEAL ending, where we think the whole time they are talking about 'first time in the sack' and then SURPRISE they are vampires. Always leave them wanting more, up till the very last frame.'

BUT, plenty of movies are really great even with the ending being obvious. EX. in a romantic comedy where you know the ending (they end up together) Even after guessing the ending off the bat, the visuals and dialog and camera work and shots were more than enough to hold my interest which is a testament.

So great job, this is in my top 5.

 

[NOBELO]

I like simple effective pieces and I thought this one overall fit that bill pretty well. I think this one did suffer from the acting as it came across as a bit unbelievable to me. It still is definitely in the top 10. Nice job and thanks for sharing it with us.

 

[Scott F]

Opening shot....

Everyone's saying it, I gotta say it too. The opening shot was so pro. I really like the score as well.

 

[jasonthewho]

Definitely your best work Shawn. I really enjoyed this one. Very clean, very professional, the story is well told.

I thought all of your actors were fine, with a little bit better dialogue and direction they would have been great.

I couldn't help but think of RPDM with that opening shot. Regardless, it was perfectly executed. I also worry that while the opening moment may be a turn on for the typical DVXuser, it may be a turn off for your wider viewing audience, which would seem to be teenage girls. I think if it didn't last quite so long (put a fast motion section between the lick and the lime), I would be okay with it.

Big strides here, in my opinion. One of my favorites so far.

 

[Geoff_R]

Totally unexpected It's just very different from the prior work I've seen from you. I think the opening shot is fun and interesting in a sense of opening up the world and setting the story tone. But once the girls start talking, it takes me out of it and a lot of it is due to the sound mix here... I think the music should have stayed loud and then the girls should have been talking very loud/almost yelling out to make their voices heard... I have this issue with lots of hollywood films too... where it suddenly gets too quiet and people are just talking in regular voices... it doesn't fit for me.

I thought the opening convo with the first two girls was fine... they came across as young college girls and played it convincingly IMO. The stuff with the guy though really threw me off (at first, it was just a personal thing). If I was at party with my gf or some girl I was seeing and some other random girl pushed me into the wall and tried to assert some dominance on me, she'd likely find herself on the ground and me with a WTF look on my face. I don't care how good she looks. On the flipside... I could maybe see why you went this direction with him being into it since his gf says, "not again"... so maybe the guy is a douche. But then their following conversation felt awkward to me... they just didn't feel like a real couple. Not sure if this was mostly read from a script or improv?

I love the fact that he goes off with the girl... it makes his character even worse (from a jerk perspective) and I'm anxiously awaiting his death I like the music here and the girl watching... but I didn't feel much for those high up shots looking down on the girl as blood pours from her mouth (that's totally subjective taste right there though).

I think at the very end, you had a funny opportunity to show what kind of guy the new girl would be approaching. I'd almost like to have seen a cut away to the guys face... it could have been funny (a goofy looking guy) or just another jerk-off type with a smug smile.

Overall, like the concept and how it plays out clean. There aren't any loose ends to tie up and it feels complete. Music is good and fits the theme/story well. And while this is definitely something different and new from you... I personally prefer your prior work, like Aetas and the one you did with the kid finding the box in the field (forgive me for forgetting the name right now). Only because those films were much more visual and forced me to discover your story as a filmmaker myself. Hope that makes sense. Just my personal taste on that one. Thanks for sharing and looking forward to the next one.

 

[bruceallen]

SPOILER ALERT

& NEWBIE LONG VERBOSE POST ALERT

Shawn

Sweet film! Here are my notes. I'm being tough because you mentioned you want to take it further to other festivals etc. So I'm focusing mostly on what I'd fix if I went that route... no time for compliments

Great job on that opening shot! It was absolutely stunning. Time flowed in a really liquid, nice way around the performances and music. Lots of great touches in the production design and mise-en-scene. Oh happy drunken / E-drenched party days with dark undertones and sexual conflict! Great start!

It bugged me that the rest of the film (especially the next CU of the girl's face at 1:33 "and give up on your first time?") had less color / contrast in it than she did during the open. I think you should keep the hyper-saturated look if that's what you set up in the beginning.

The acting in the outdoor scene is bad and IMHO you probably can't save it in the edit. Rehearse the scene properly and re-shoot for sure! The film's worth it! Maybe shoot a little later in the day too - the sunlight was a little incongruous.

The guy also has a really funny way of walking into the room (in the first shot we see him). You really should re-shoot that too if you can.

The story was predictable but lots of fun. Personally the end would have been more of a payoff for me if either:

OPTION A: there was more psychological complexity to the trainee's response. The stuff of her watching from the closet was cool - but it seemed like you were trying to trick us that the girls weren't vampires? By that point everyone knows they're vampires, so I say go ahead and show that earlier - or at least give us more of a wink towards it. Now explore the conflicted emotions of the girl seeing this kill for the first time and realizing she has to do it too. Maybe get her out of the closet a little earlier? Do they share his blood or not? The more experienced girl pushes her to drink the blood of the guy and she's unsure at first then realizes she likes it? Or there is a territorial thing in that the neophyte wants to drink the guy's blood but the other girl is like "get your own".

OPTION B: Pay off the sexy opening shot at the end - but give us even more than we expected. If you show a super-hot shot in the beginning don't be prudish at the end. Or the audience will feel like you teased us and never delivered the full thing I'd personally vote for a combination of the following:
- at least one girl has sex with the guy (not sure whether he should be dead or alive at that point)
- the two girls make out
- orgasm
- orgiastic screaming
- semi-nudity at least (covering in blood optional)

OPTION C: blood as a drug. The girls as addicts. But based on the rest of the film, I don't think that's your focus?

Then after that have your current ending - with the girl from the next victim's POV asking if he wanted to go somewhere quiet. Bwahaha!

But I'm Euro that way

You can go for option A of course but I really would like more insight into the complexities of the girl's feelings. Is she scared? Does she get off on it? Does it make her hungry? Probably all 3, right? The obvious parallels to having sex for the first time are there, but I'd like to see you explore it more. If that's your theme (plus loss of innocence, plus the vampiric callousness of teen sexual interactions), I'd love to see more on what you personally have to say on this. Put more Shawn into it please!

Anyway, congrats! Look forward to seeing a festival version!

Bruce Allen
www.boacinema.com

 

[Blaine]

This is the best story you've put together. I thought the look was nice. I like what you did with the grading. My beef were more with the casting and acting on this one. Ms. Geil did a good job as did Teresa. I just didn't think that casting Chase opposite either of them was a good idea. He came off too young for either one. He may very well be in their age bracket but his demeanor and looks said otherwise.

I'm not sure why you had the argument scene in there since it had no payoff...it felt like a device and tacked on.

Of all your entries, this is my favorite. It is by far the most accessible.

Good job.

 

[ZazaCast]

Nice work on this film! I've always been a fan of your films, but this one worked best for me. As always, the look was spot on. You have a great eye for composition. The opening of this film had me hooked right from the first downbeat. A nice slomo body shot never hurt anyone! The speed ramps made me feel like I was right there pushing through the crowd.

The only thing that hit me a little funny, was the girl's facial expression as she watched through the door. I would think that being a Vamp and seeing & smelling fresh blood, she would have been getting 'Hot', breathing heavy with a crazy, lustfull look in her eyes...you know a ,"I want to get me some of that!" kind of thing.

Well done. This is a great film. :thumbsup:

... and I can pronounce the title too!

 

[Robbie Comeau]

I saw it coming as soon as they entered the room. Probably cause of the theme, and the line "You don't want to have your first time" or whatever.

Who mixed that song?! So sick.

Nice intro, and nice filming. Acting was weak.

Robbie

 

[Shawn Philip Nelson]

Everyone's saying it, I gotta say it too. The opening shot was so pro. I really like the score as well.

Thanks! I actually put a lot of effort into choregraphing that opening act, I didnt just get two girls and tell them to go at it . Alex and Herman did an awesome job on the music!

Definitely your best work Shawn. I really enjoyed this one. Very clean, very professional, the story is well told.

I thought all of your actors were fine, with a little bit better dialogue and direction they would have been great.

I couldn't help but think of RPDM with that opening shot. Regardless, it was perfectly executed. I also worry that while the opening moment may be a turn on for the typical DVXuser, it may be a turn off for your wider viewing audience, which would seem to be teenage girls. I think if it didn't last quite so long (put a fast motion section between the lick and the lime), I would be okay with it.

Big strides here, in my opinion. One of my favorites so far.

Hey, Mark doesnt own the rights to cranking and ramping . I'm not sure who my target audience is. On a feature this is critical, but here I can just do whatever. If I could do this again I'd probably nix or change the couple's article and crank up the bedroom scene, further putting it into the 'guy' demographic

Totally unexpected It's just very different from the prior work I've seen from you. I think the opening shot is fun and interesting in a sense of opening up the world and setting the story tone. But once the girls start talking, it takes me out of it and a lot of it is due to the sound mix here... I think the music should have stayed loud and then the girls should have been talking very loud/almost yelling out to make their voices heard... I have this issue with lots of hollywood films too... where it suddenly gets too quiet and people are just talking in regular voices... it doesn't fit for me.

I thought the opening convo with the first two girls was fine... they came across as young college girls and played it convincingly IMO. The stuff with the guy though really threw me off (at first, it was just a personal thing). If I was at party with my gf or some girl I was seeing and some other random girl pushed me into the wall and tried to assert some dominance on me, she'd likely find herself on the ground and me with a WTF look on my face. I don't care how good she looks. On the flipside... I could maybe see why you went this direction with him being into it since his gf says, "not again"... so maybe the guy is a douche. But then their following conversation felt awkward to me... they just didn't feel like a real couple. Not sure if this was mostly read from a script or improv?

I love the fact that he goes off with the girl... it makes his character even worse (from a jerk perspective) and I'm anxiously awaiting his death I like the music here and the girl watching... but I didn't feel much for those high up shots looking down on the girl as blood pours from her mouth (that's totally subjective taste right there though).

I think at the very end, you had a funny opportunity to show what kind of guy the new girl would be approaching. I'd almost like to have seen a cut away to the guys face... it could have been funny (a goofy looking guy) or just another jerk-off type with a smug smile.

Overall, like the concept and how it plays out clean. There aren't any loose ends to tie up and it feels complete. Music is good and fits the theme/story well. And while this is definitely something different and new from you... I personally prefer your prior work, like Aetas and the one you did with the kid finding the box in the field (forgive me for forgetting the name right now). Only because those films were much more visual and forced me to discover your story as a filmmaker myself. Hope that makes sense. Just my personal taste on that one. Thanks for sharing and looking forward to the next one.

Hey Geoff, thanks dude! I really appreciate such a thorough review. I appreciate that you like Aetas and Ossian better, as that's ultimately more 'me', but it seems more people like this one better, go figure. It's a continual sore spot with me how poorly received Aetas and Ossian were, hence why I wont do another one like that on here, ever.

Comments on the audio are good, I'll talk more about that later.

On the male lead (Chase), I should have made his character more clear. I thought he did a good job and is getting an unfair wrap on here. I should have made him more aggressive, more douchey and shortened their argument and made it less on-the-nose. Or perhaps more. Anyways, I mixed ingredients on this one too much and should have been more consistent.

 

[Shawn Philip Nelson]

SPOILER ALERT

& NEWBIE LONG VERBOSE POST ALERT

Shawn

Sweet film! Here are my notes. I'm being tough because you mentioned you want to take it further to other festivals etc. So I'm focusing mostly on what I'd fix if I went that route... no time for compliments

Great job on that opening shot! It was absolutely stunning. Time flowed in a really liquid, nice way around the performances and music. Lots of great touches in the production design and mise-en-scene. Oh happy drunken / E-drenched party days with dark undertones and sexual conflict! Great start!

THanks! Great to see you over here, I enjoy your posts on Reduser. That shot took a lot of work but really paid off I thought.

It bugged me that the rest of the film (especially the next CU of the girl's face at 1:33 "and give up on your first time?") had less color / contrast in it than she did during the open. I think you should keep the hyper-saturated look if that's what you set up in the beginning.

Agreed, contrast went down. (sigh) grading is one of my weaker points.

The acting in the outdoor scene is bad and IMHO you probably can't save it in the edit. Rehearse the scene properly and re-shoot for sure! The film's worth it! Maybe shoot a little later in the day too - the sunlight was a little incongruous.

Outdoor scene? Huh? I'm confused, 100% of this takes place indoors and at night with zero natural light.

The guy also has a really funny way of walking into the room (in the first shot we see him). You really should re-shoot that too if you can.

The story was predictable but lots of fun. Personally the end would have been more of a payoff for me if either:

OPTION A: there was more psychological complexity to the trainee's response. The stuff of her watching from the closet was cool - but it seemed like you were trying to trick us that the girls weren't vampires? By that point everyone knows they're vampires, so I say go ahead and show that earlier - or at least give us more of a wink towards it. Now explore the conflicted emotions of the girl seeing this kill for the first time and realizing she has to do it too. Maybe get her out of the closet a little earlier? Do they share his blood or not? The more experienced girl pushes her to drink the blood of the guy and she's unsure at first then realizes she likes it? Or there is a territorial thing in that the neophyte wants to drink the guy's blood but the other girl is like "get your own".

OPTION B: Pay off the sexy opening shot at the end - but give us even more than we expected. If you show a super-hot shot in the beginning don't be prudish at the end. Or the audience will feel like you teased us and never delivered the full thing I'd personally vote for a combination of the following:
- at least one girl has sex with the guy (not sure whether he should be dead or alive at that point)
- the two girls make out
- orgasm
- orgiastic screaming
- semi-nudity at least (covering in blood optional)

OPTION C: blood as a drug. The girls as addicts. But based on the rest of the film, I don't think that's your focus?

Then after that have your current ending - with the girl from the next victim's POV asking if he wanted to go somewhere quiet. Bwahaha!

But I'm Euro that way

You can go for option A of course but I really would like more insight into the complexities of the girl's feelings. Is she scared? Does she get off on it? Does it make her hungry? Probably all 3, right? The obvious parallels to having sex for the first time are there, but I'd like to see you explore it more. If that's your theme (plus loss of innocence, plus the vampiric callousness of teen sexual interactions), I'd love to see more on what you personally have to say on this. Put more Shawn into it please!

Anyway, congrats! Look forward to seeing a festival version!

Bruce Allen
www.boacinema.com

Thanks! I appreciate the brain storming. Unfortunately I cant reshoot anything, 3 of the 4 actors are now in LA. (Boo LA! You suck! Stop stealing my actors!!)

I should have gone more in the direction of Option B, I soft-peddaled the ending too much, the leads didnt want to go anywhere outside of low PG13 territory so I had to stop there. That can be a hard zone to dance in. Oh well, it's still a progression.

I think I screwed myself out of Option A by the title. It was my original intent to make the vampire thing a twist. Thanks the comments!

This is the best story you've put together. I thought the look was nice. I like what you did with the grading. My beef were more with the casting and acting on this one. Ms. Geil did a good job as did Teresa. I just didn't think that casting Chase opposite either of them was a good idea. He came off too young for either one. He may very well be in their age bracket but his demeanor and looks said otherwise.

I'm not sure why you had the argument scene in there since it had no payoff...it felt like a device and tacked on.

Of all your entries, this is my favorite. It is by far the most accessible.

Good job.

Thanks Blaine!! Chase is indeed in their age range. I agree with you in that visually, whenever I see girls of that age and then see their boyfriends I think 'eh, he looks WAY too young', visually it'd be more interesting to see Victoria with a guy who's about 23-28.

The argument scene was indeed tacked on to provide further demo reel footage. I should have cut it from the finished piece, i'm getting tons of comments to this regard.

Nice work on this film! I've always been a fan of your films, but this one worked best for me. As always, the look was spot on. You have a great eye for composition. The opening of this film had me hooked right from the first downbeat. A nice slomo body shot never hurt anyone! The speed ramps made me feel like I was right there pushing through the crowd.

The only thing that hit me a little funny, was the girl's facial expression as she watched through the door. I would think that being a Vamp and seeing & smelling fresh blood, she would have been getting 'Hot', breathing heavy with a crazy, lustfull look in her eyes...you know a ,"I want to get me some of that!" kind of thing.

Well done. This is a great film. :thumbsup:

... and I can pronounce the title too!

Wow, thanks Zaza! I agree on the direction for Chantelle, she's upset at me for that scene, blaming her bad performance on my shitty direction Fair enough, director is QB, its his fault if the football isnt caught.

As for the title, dont worry, it's a momentary lapse, my next film is called Descensus

I saw it coming as soon as they entered the room. Probably cause of the theme, and the line "You don't want to have your first time" or whatever.

Who mixed that song?! So sick.

Nice intro, and nice filming. Acting was weak.

Robbie

 

[Kevin E. Curry]

Shawn-

Good piece! I enjoyed it. Some quick thoughts:

- Even though I knew where it was going (though specifically not vampire I figured Victoria was some kind of monster), that didn't ruin for me, in fact it kind of built the tension even more. I was anxious to find out what she was going to do to these guys.

- Victoria and Theresa were great (of course I am biased, having cast them before!) The "newbie" girl was OK, and like others the guy didn't do anything for me. I like your suggestion of making him more douchey, that would have helped. In fact, making him even more of an ass would have made the payoff of him getting his comeuppance for cheating on his girlfriend even better.

- Loved the look and feel, the combo of the music and lighting etc. was great. And, of course, great opening scene to drop the viewer right into the party.

- Others have mentioned, and you acknowledged, the audio issue. Felt like bad ADR at first.

- Looking at the story, I might have gotten to Victoria's big bite a little quicker, bought a few additional seconds, and then given us just a little more of the newbie making her move. I liked that stinger and just wanted a little more. Felt just a tad rushed. (Plus, you did have a little more time left).

- Finally, speaking of that big bite, I really liked both the blood spurt effect and Victoria's vamp teeth.