Johnny Angel
- Thread starter Charli
- Start date
Charli
cool little "title"
Premise line: A teenage boy held back in school for two years searches for his old high school sweetheart only to discover she now considers him a freak of nature.
Setting - Park - single location
Time setting: 50s
List of characters:
Johnny (18)
Diana (20s)
Amy (15)
Two female extras (20s)
Setting - Park - single location
Time setting: 50s
List of characters:
Johnny (18)
Diana (20s)
Amy (15)
Two female extras (20s)
Last edited:
DarkElastic
Well-known member
Hi Charli, I enjoyed reading your script.
Spoilers below:
I didn't find this a monster script in any sense really... Just someone who didn't fit for what ever reason.
As a script and story, it is very good, very strange, and would be a very interesting short.
I really like your style, it makes it so easy to read. There are a few gramatical errors, but I won't point them out as they didn't spoil the read.
Overall, I really enjoyed the read, but I don't think it fits in this fest.
Spoilers below:
I didn't find this a monster script in any sense really... Just someone who didn't fit for what ever reason.
As a script and story, it is very good, very strange, and would be a very interesting short.
I really like your style, it makes it so easy to read. There are a few gramatical errors, but I won't point them out as they didn't spoil the read.
Overall, I really enjoyed the read, but I don't think it fits in this fest.
Charli
cool little "title"
Dark - the monster that is, is the monster in you, so this is definitely outside of the box, this is not a horror flick but something more towards the line of the Twilight Zone or Hitchcock in suspense more than horror.
It may not fit the fest in the strictest form but I bet you this would do well in film festivals. Thank you reading this script and would you pm me the grammar errors?
Thanks!
It may not fit the fest in the strictest form but I bet you this would do well in film festivals. Thank you reading this script and would you pm me the grammar errors?
Thanks!
Chris_Keaton
ScriptFEST Mod
Different. Not what I would call a monster story. I know you were going more abstract and less popcorn, but.
Not sure what you were trying to say philosophically. I mean doesn't anyone help somebody less fortunate out anymore?
Good job.
Not sure what you were trying to say philosophically. I mean doesn't anyone help somebody less fortunate out anymore?
Good job.
MrKilloran
Well-known member
It was a good script and well written but I'll have to repeat, I don't think it fits into the spirit of the fest. Although outside the box, it was more about a real monster.
I didn't get a sense of suspense more of desperation and a need to understand. Good organization, pacing, and I'm sure it will make an interesting short film, reminds me a lot of the segregation of "cliques," "clubs," or "groups" in school. The spiritual equivalent of hierarchy or popularity.
I didn't get a sense of suspense more of desperation and a need to understand. Good organization, pacing, and I'm sure it will make an interesting short film, reminds me a lot of the segregation of "cliques," "clubs," or "groups" in school. The spiritual equivalent of hierarchy or popularity.
Charli
cool little "title"
The monster definition to this fest, "gross exception to the norm of some ecosystem" - so keeping this in mind,
spoilers
The 'monster' is because Johnny is the freak according to Diana's ecosystem where her world is surreal and without restrictions, even though she was once like him.
It's true, this story will not fit into the "horror" interpretation of monster, but to Diana, Johnny is a monster, a freak to her people.
Is the darkness always dark? Or is there a horror in the light as well?
spoilers
The 'monster' is because Johnny is the freak according to Diana's ecosystem where her world is surreal and without restrictions, even though she was once like him.
It's true, this story will not fit into the "horror" interpretation of monster, but to Diana, Johnny is a monster, a freak to her people.
Is the darkness always dark? Or is there a horror in the light as well?
Chris_Keaton
ScriptFEST Mod
Yeah, just a bit. :grin:
seansshack
Well-known member
The structure reads very much like a shooting script for camera, shots and sounds. Which I guess is fine if you are pitching it as such. But I've been brainwashed into how spec scripts should be written, so won't get into details of what should go where.
I was expecting it to be darker, as this was a horror/monster fest. I know you are focusing on the monster inside us all, which is fine and I agree. It was a very visual piece that may be even better with less dialog.
Enjoyed it and well written, the monster fest theme just threw me a bit.
I was expecting it to be darker, as this was a horror/monster fest. I know you are focusing on the monster inside us all, which is fine and I agree. It was a very visual piece that may be even better with less dialog.
Enjoyed it and well written, the monster fest theme just threw me a bit.
Rustom Irani
Active member
I left a note about this in the viewing thread...
For some weird reason your script won't open up in Adobe and it gives me an error. I'd love to be able to read it and vote on it.
For some weird reason your script won't open up in Adobe and it gives me an error. I'd love to be able to read it and vote on it.
Charli
cool little "title"
Rustom - send me your email address and I'll send the file to you.
Sean - I wrote it so you can visually see what's going on. I didn't write it as a shooting script, instead I wanted to take you inside my head to see what I was seeing, so that's how it came out. Close on the eyes, feet, etc., that's what was in my head.
Thank you for taking the time to read it. When a person thinks, "monster" we immediately go for dark. So I went for the darkness in the LIGHT. It's just a twist that may not jive again for the strictest interpretation of the fest.
But Johnny by the definition set on this fest, is a monster to Diana and her friends.
So what I was saying, is a monster just that which appears deformed, dark and cruel? Or can a monster be something we as humans would term 'beautiful' but others elevated in spiritual life might find disturbing.
Sometimes when I think outside the box I may stretch it a bit, eh?
Sean - I wrote it so you can visually see what's going on. I didn't write it as a shooting script, instead I wanted to take you inside my head to see what I was seeing, so that's how it came out. Close on the eyes, feet, etc., that's what was in my head.
Thank you for taking the time to read it. When a person thinks, "monster" we immediately go for dark. So I went for the darkness in the LIGHT. It's just a twist that may not jive again for the strictest interpretation of the fest.
But Johnny by the definition set on this fest, is a monster to Diana and her friends.
So what I was saying, is a monster just that which appears deformed, dark and cruel? Or can a monster be something we as humans would term 'beautiful' but others elevated in spiritual life might find disturbing.
Sometimes when I think outside the box I may stretch it a bit, eh?
arroway
Well-known member
I didn't understand that in the slightest, I don't think it fits the criteria of the fest, and yet I find myself strangely enthralled with it. The 50's dress, the girls effortlessly throwing grapes at each other, all very good details.
The title gives away the big reveal almost instantly.
I really liked the circular story arc even if I don't have the slightest clue what any of it meant.
The title gives away the big reveal almost instantly.
I really liked the circular story arc even if I don't have the slightest clue what any of it meant.
Charli
cool little "title"
Arrow - The girls were once 'like' Johnny, with Ethereal Angel wings, but as they progressed and learned they moved on beyond the need of wings into a higher echelon of spiritual life, therefore anything below their learning is 'freakish' and 'disgusting' though they themselves were once in that position.
So, Johnny, while an Angel, is a 'monster' to those who have evolved beyond the need to fly, for those who can be anywhere at once in a ginger *snap* - sad thing is that Johnny was in the same class as the girls, but he got held back.
He didn't listen so he didn't grow up.
Same thing with Amy, why she's undeveloped in her Ethereal wings.
Instead of looking for darkness in the dark, I looked for what could be considered dark in the LIGHT which would be the "lack of light."
If you think more Twilight Zonish you'll get it.
But which is darker? Those without Light, or those who have Light but less of it?
So, Johnny, while an Angel, is a 'monster' to those who have evolved beyond the need to fly, for those who can be anywhere at once in a ginger *snap* - sad thing is that Johnny was in the same class as the girls, but he got held back.
He didn't listen so he didn't grow up.
Same thing with Amy, why she's undeveloped in her Ethereal wings.
Instead of looking for darkness in the dark, I looked for what could be considered dark in the LIGHT which would be the "lack of light."
If you think more Twilight Zonish you'll get it.
But which is darker? Those without Light, or those who have Light but less of it?
Rustom Irani
Active member
I personally love "American Graffiti" and am a fan of kitschy 50s pop culture. However, this story has heavy religious symbolism and though the descriptions, initially are quite cool and vivid as the plot progresses there is a sense of forced stasis.
What I mean is, the story is very even paced. Nothing dramatic happens through actions till the point where you reveal Johnny's wings. But honestly, by this point, I know what it coming. The title told me so even before I began reading your script.
So, what then would I need, to go on reading this script?
I like the idea of angel school, and hierarchy like any college with nerds, cheerleaders, the sorority sister mentality and the nerds trying to fit in.
Essentially Johnny is a greaser who tries to fit in but is a kinda a bad boy. I don't know if I'm going out on too far a limb, but since you didn't supply me with much backstory I go with the flow and piece things on my own.
Is this a good thing?
Not always! Especially since there is no monster per say but again a symbolic suggestion of what certain individuals perceive the pariah's status based on physical or mental appearance and/or ability.
Good descriptions, a bit too much on the nose at times, need to be supplied with precise plot details and back-story to make this a better more well conceivable short.
All the best and thanks for the read!
What I mean is, the story is very even paced. Nothing dramatic happens through actions till the point where you reveal Johnny's wings. But honestly, by this point, I know what it coming. The title told me so even before I began reading your script.
So, what then would I need, to go on reading this script?
I like the idea of angel school, and hierarchy like any college with nerds, cheerleaders, the sorority sister mentality and the nerds trying to fit in.
Essentially Johnny is a greaser who tries to fit in but is a kinda a bad boy. I don't know if I'm going out on too far a limb, but since you didn't supply me with much backstory I go with the flow and piece things on my own.
Is this a good thing?
Not always! Especially since there is no monster per say but again a symbolic suggestion of what certain individuals perceive the pariah's status based on physical or mental appearance and/or ability.
Good descriptions, a bit too much on the nose at times, need to be supplied with precise plot details and back-story to make this a better more well conceivable short.
All the best and thanks for the read!
Charli
cool little "title"
Rus - Yep - the title does give it away but I think it's supposed to.
I knew this would not be in the strictest form of monster to a dark and cruel monster, but nonetheless, an Angel with wings could be considered monstrous for those with more light, like I said before it is really outside the box.
I will work on the "too much on the nose description" but hopefully you kept reading because even though you knew what was coming you still wanted to see it for yourself.
Thanks for the feedback.
I knew this would not be in the strictest form of monster to a dark and cruel monster, but nonetheless, an Angel with wings could be considered monstrous for those with more light, like I said before it is really outside the box.
I will work on the "too much on the nose description" but hopefully you kept reading because even though you knew what was coming you still wanted to see it for yourself.
Thanks for the feedback.
lawriejaffa
Veteran
Hi Charli,
Yep im noticing quite a few comments regarding the monster related appropriateness of the script, and i can understand how it must really be a little frustrating if that is consuming much of the responses your recieving.
Not only that but you are being attempting to be quite ambitious intellectual / spiritually with your script , being quite metaphorical or even metaphysical with your monster concept.
I learned though that it doesnt matter whether you can arguably be correct, if your script goes outwith the presupposed perspectives of the festival.
I wrote Red Rope for Pulpfest and it was arty and i had also convinced myself on certain technicality that it fitted the theme. Really It didn't though it did manage to horrify Brandon (so was a worth while exercise for that alone.)
I wrote Covenant for the script after, and wrote very specifically 'for' the festival while injecting it with what i considered to be artistic merit, and originality and it polled 4th (in a fest with more entries than this.)
I think you knew that most scripts would be juvenile and rubbish and decided to attempt something 'worthy' but it is the wrong market. Arroway and Rustum have taken quite different interpretations of the 'popular formula' expected and written quality scripts to that expectation and done well. (While Ben Slicker offered free man kisses behind the bike shed to get to third!)
and dont even get me started on you Killoran! Kiiiilloran!!! (Ah bless ya i love your scripts though! there like dirty treats of camp nonsense.)
Yep im noticing quite a few comments regarding the monster related appropriateness of the script, and i can understand how it must really be a little frustrating if that is consuming much of the responses your recieving.
Not only that but you are being attempting to be quite ambitious intellectual / spiritually with your script , being quite metaphorical or even metaphysical with your monster concept.
I learned though that it doesnt matter whether you can arguably be correct, if your script goes outwith the presupposed perspectives of the festival.
I wrote Red Rope for Pulpfest and it was arty and i had also convinced myself on certain technicality that it fitted the theme. Really It didn't though it did manage to horrify Brandon (so was a worth while exercise for that alone.)
I wrote Covenant for the script after, and wrote very specifically 'for' the festival while injecting it with what i considered to be artistic merit, and originality and it polled 4th (in a fest with more entries than this.)
I think you knew that most scripts would be juvenile and rubbish and decided to attempt something 'worthy' but it is the wrong market. Arroway and Rustum have taken quite different interpretations of the 'popular formula' expected and written quality scripts to that expectation and done well. (While Ben Slicker offered free man kisses behind the bike shed to get to third!)
and dont even get me started on you Killoran! Kiiiilloran!!! (Ah bless ya i love your scripts though! there like dirty treats of camp nonsense.)