JimtheJib- JOHN AND GUSTAV- Alexander Lewis

Jim,

From a purely non-technical standpoint I enjoyed this film more than many of the others. It was light, funny and easy to watch. I particulary liked the main character and liked the opening shots. I immediately felt sorry for this guy.

I agree with some other posts here about lighting, sound, etc. But that's ok - that's why we make these films and put them out there for everyone to see. I guarantee your next film will have better lighting!

I liked a lot of your shots - they kept the film interesting and dynamic. I'm not sure how long you have been doing this but I thought you did a good job.
 
thanks timothyjiynx. i appreciate the the comments. i hope to do better next time. these open discussions are very helpfull.

im glad you liked it
 
I found this film to be charming, in a simplistic and rudimentary kind of way. I can't give too many high marks to the actual production values, but there was something about this film I could connect to. I liked the film's subtlety and the fact that it didn't try to be more than what it was. At heart, it is just a story about a guy, curious about another guy...and who hasn't been fixated on the office oddball?

Normally, I am not a huge fan of voiceovers, but this one actually kind of worked for me. I liked the feeling of curiosity and isolation that the voiceover delivered. I think these feelings were essential to this project, and I'm not sure if they could have been presented in a better way within six minutes.

I enjoyed the little observations that the character makes in this monologue. I was particularly fond of how he thought the "little man" based his mood on his ties and not the other way arround. Very creative.
 
thanks captain kcikass, could you be more specific in terms of elements of the production that could be better if they havn't already been covered?
 
wow.. i really liked this! i mean, there really wasn't anything you could do abotu the actors, but it was an impressive start for your (hopefully) future career in film.
 
JimtheJib,

I found your writing style to be quite solid and effective. I can
tell that you have an inner bard waiting to burst out. I especially
liked the closing dialog:
"...was that, now - I was only happy on Thursdays."
I think if the few lines leading up to this thought
had been the entirety of the VO, you would have
had a much tighter narrative.

Likewise on the plot itself. I felt a pungent story was
there to be told, but never quite surfaced.

Regardless, nice little film...and I look forward to more of
your writing, my man.
Cheers
beer.gif
 
thanks callagan. as i mentioned before this is basically a section of a largerr script i am writing (hopefully full length). so i had to adapt it to fit the sci fi requirements. thats why it might feel incomplete or the story never quite surfaced...
 
JimtheJib said:
thanks captain kcikass, could you be more specific in terms of elements of the production that could be better if they havn't already been covered?
Click to expand...

Sure thing.

In terms of the visuals, I thought they tended to be a bit too flat and grainy. Colors seemed washed out, and there was too little contrast in your lighting.


In terms of audio, the voiceover was very hollow and empty and the few scenes with actual dialogue were fairly difficult to hear. Your overall sound design did not wow me. It was by no means horrible to the point of distraction, but it was lacking enough that it did not impress me either.

Also, the acting...mainly on the part of the boss character...was very amateurish. Plus, the actor playing this role looked like he was twelve.

Again though, let me reitterate that your story was good, and I enjoyed the concept you were shooting for.
 
That's a tough location to shoot what you needed properly with the equiptment you needed. I know it's hard to scare up an office willing to give you permission to shoot in but now you have to deal with all the dark face posts. One easy idea is to shoot at night. Put the blinds down and no one will be the wiser, My exteriors were shot from 10am - 4 pm My interiors were shot at 10pm-2am.

Just an idea...

Kip Kubin
 
captain kick ass: thanks for the specifics. i think it might be flat or grainy because this was the first time i attempted to color correct the image. also it could be the compression. this was also the first time i compressed for the web.

Thz 1138: i'll keep that in mind next time...

thanks
 
Hi - this was a nice, cohesive story. It fit the time restraints well - good job.

Lighting (as has been mentioned) was a problem. Acting wasn't so bad as has been mentioned - the only character to throw me off was the boss who (broken record) seemed a little young. Sound was garbled at times, for example I couldn't hear what the girl was saying before he talked to the boss. Nice job overall.
 
thanks conrad. im glad you liked it. about the interrogator: its me!...i had to step in because another actor didn't show up.
 
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I quite liked this one. I'm actually a fan of quiet, quirky movies, and this was one. It wasn't flashy (others have already mentione dhwo you could improve some technical aspects of the film, so I won't) but it had some neat ideas. I'd just say go with that, develop them, try and figure out how to make them come across as powerfully as possible while still maintaining the tone you're looking for and keep looking for ways to make production smoother. You've got a good solid base, I think, and from here it's just chipping away the debris and sanding it down.
 
I noticed the jerky picture again, and thought the picture rather dark even thought the picture was clear. Didn't like the boss very much,, although the story was good.
 
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