T2i Jay Steel "Cut My Hair" Music Video

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Story took to long to develop, I see what you were trying to do but the structure was all wrong. This is how I would have done it judging by the scenes you shot.

With NO MUSIC start off the video of the artist going into the library, then he notices woman, woman does not like his personal appearance , artist feels like it's because of his hair..... THAN the music starts with him looking in the mirror grabbing his hair, etc. etc. Which leads to him telling the story from the main scene in the mirror and than cutting back and forth to him getting his hair cut and randomly seeing the lady he likes, than at the end where he first seen her and now she accepts him.


Also. The white balance and overall lighting in general in this video is very poor. I understand that more than likely you were running and gunning so you could not use lighting, but even a simple camera led light would be better than nothing. Overall I would rate this project a C-, you have a good concept but it was not executed properly story wise and technical wise even less.
 
life4eva said:
Story took to long to develop, I see what you were trying to do but the structure was all wrong. This is how I would have done it judging by the scenes you shot.

With NO MUSIC start off the video of the artist going into the library, then he notices woman, woman does not like his personal appearance , artist feels like it's because of his hair..... THAN the music starts with him looking in the mirror grabbing his hair, etc. etc. Which leads to him telling the story from the main scene in the mirror and than cutting back and forth to him getting his hair cut and randomly seeing the lady he likes, than at the end where he first seen her and now she accepts him.


Also. The white balance and overall lighting in general in this video is very poor. I understand that more than likely you were running and gunning so you could not use lighting, but even a simple camera led light would be better than nothing. Overall I would rate this project a C-, you have a good concept but it was not executed properly story wise and technical wise even less.
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Thanks for the harsh feedback. Do you want all the footage & you can edit it better then me?
 
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Just My Opinion, nothing personal. I will let others come in and post their thoughts than I will reply to your post.
 
@Brandon,

I agree a little bit with life4eva. If the music started after their encounter, then it would feel like 'oh ok something between their interaction caused the music to start' which technically begins the story as to why he is cutting his hair. When starting the music off in the beginning "we" are already thinking the story began and are thus confused since he was already talking about cutting his hair before he met her.

I thought it was decent.. I liked the cuts 'n whatnot.. Try re-editing and bring the music in a bit later.. I'm sure you have plenty more footage that wasnt used :)

Do you have a shot from behind the dude looking @ her? Then you wouldnt have to do that pan to signify that he was looking @ her 'cause you could cut directly to her reading and we would already know that he was looking at her.



also, no tripod?
 
@life4eva I didn't know there was such thing as shooting anything wrong. Sure the white balance etc could be off, but when it comes to a script it's never wrong, it's just a different way of viewing things plus every viewer will let their imagination wonder and fill in the rest of the story. Your above answer could have been more of constructive criticism instead of completely bashing his hard work. You should have said something along the lines of, i have a few tips for you that could help viewers understand the plot more clearly. Anyway i enjoyed the video, i found it very old school which i enjoyed the most! Thanks for sharing. By the way, Haters Make You Famous!!
 
weplaywithtraffic said:
Your above answer could have been more of constructive criticism instead of completely bashing his hard work. You should have said something along the lines of, i have a few tips for you that could help viewers understand the plot more clearly.
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agreed.

hopefully my post didn't come across as such as it was not intended to, but to elaborate a bit on life's initial post as some of his points did cross my mind as well.
 
When you go and present your material in front of these labels you will think my critique was a praise. Also No one hated on this material, there is nothing to hate on. The word "Hater" was just an excuse someone made up to feel better about themselves. The lighting looks off so does the white balance, when you do something purposely for a special look than it is noted, but when you have ugly orange tones and the wrong color temperatures is just looks ugly.

Finally when someone says this is my opinion it is just that. The industry does not sugar coat ****, you people are living in a fantasy world if you think otherwise. Just like a High school coach that will tell you to get your **** together, there is a reason for that.
 
life4eva said:
When you go and present your material in front of these labels you will think my critique was a praise. Also No one hated on this material, there is nothing to hate on. The word "Hater" was just an excuse someone made up to feel better about themselves. The lighting looks off so does the white balance, when you do something purposely for a special look than it is noted, but when you have ugly orange tones and the wrong color temperatures is just looks ugly.

Finally when someone says this is my opinion it is just that. The industry does not sugar coat ****, you people are living in a fantasy world if you think otherwise. Just like a High school coach that will tell you to get your **** together, there is a reason for that.
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With all due respect, this is not the industry. This is a platform for information and mentorship.
Here we give a teaspoon of sugar to help the medicine go down.

If your objective is to completely discourage someone from trying again, then you might be on track.
If your objective is to help someone improve their creative expression, then your kung fu has failed.
 
life4eva said:
When you go and present your material in front of these labels you will think my critique was a praise. Also No one hated on this material, there is nothing to hate on. The word "Hater" was just an excuse someone made up to feel better about themselves. The lighting looks off so does the white balance, when you do something purposely for a special look than it is noted, but when you have ugly orange tones and the wrong color temperatures is just looks ugly.

Finally when someone says this is my opinion it is just that. The industry does not sugar coat ****, you people are living in a fantasy world if you think otherwise. Just like a High school coach that will tell you to get your **** together, there is a reason for that.
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I understand your point of view here, but with the tone you used towards his work is what our society nowadays would call an ***hole. All i'm saying is think before you talk and let the word RESPECT play a role in your opinion. Brandon is obviously not a hollywood production studio and all he was asking for was some constructive criticism. Don't get me wrong i agree with your opinion, he could have made a few changes to better his hard work, but this is the process we all have to learn and as mentioned earlier he do not need to be despised of ever trying to correct his mistakes because you feel the need to be a "know it all industry jerk".

@Brandon: Here's a tip that will actually help you next time your ready to shoot a music video. Write you're script/layout, review it a few times, make changes if necessary. Then come to this forum and ask for someone to review your script before you shoot. This could save you the hassle of something you may have missed while writing. Keep up the good work bud, and keep working your way up that pyramid!
 
weplaywithtraffic said:
I understand your point of view here, but with the tone you used towards his work is what our society nowadays would call an ***hole. All i'm saying is think before you talk and let the word RESPECT play a role in your opinion. Brandon is obviously not a hollywood production studio and all he was asking for was some constructive criticism. Don't get me wrong i agree with your opinion, he could have made a few changes to better his hard work, but this is the process we all have to learn and as mentioned earlier he do not need to be despised of ever trying to correct his mistakes because you feel the need to be a "know it all industry jerk".

@Brandon: Here's a tip that will actually help you next time your ready to shoot a music video. Write you're script/layout, review it a few times, make changes if necessary. Then come to this forum and ask for someone to review your script before you shoot. This could save you the hassle of something you may have missed while writing. Keep up the good work bud, and keep working your way up that pyramid!
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Thank You. I thought of this on location. I did not even have it written out. I don't know how to write good scripts. The videos I have been posting lately are just my beginning stages of story telling. Also this was a super low budget video. I agree I should of used a tripod but we were at Boarders book store and they didnt even allow us to shoot. so it was run and gun type work for the inside shots. I agree with the pan to the girl. that was not the best idea but i thought it was legit for what it was. Also the story does make sense if your creative about it. If anyone can make it better esp. the people who bashed on it well I would be more then happy to give you the footage and credit to see if you back up what you say.
 
weplaywithtraffic said:
@life4eva I didn't know there was such thing as shooting anything wrong.
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There most certainly is...

Sure, if it's experimental or you're doing something for yourself you can shoot/edit anyway you want... but when you're working on a genre specific project (in this case a NARRATIVE music video) and you're trying to appeal to a certain established audience (hip/hop music video fans), then there is most certainly a wrong way of doing things. If you think otherwise, you need to re-evaluate the way you make films... because you could be heading down a destructive path.

In this case, I pretty much agree with everything life4eva said. I think it was a fair assessment of the video. The people who think he's being an "asshole" need to be more constructive and realistic... nobody is going to get anywhere with just patting each other on the back all the time. If a video is trying to emulate a specific genre and it fails... the creator should be told why. Especially if they ask for it. At my film school, in the last 2 years of the program, you would be assigned one semester in which (in addition to your other classes) would have to present what you feel is you best work of the last year, just for the faculty to rip it apart. That was the entire point of this class, to break you down. Some people failed and couldn't handle it, but it taught a good lesson. Everyone thinks they are creating gold when they're working... you need to separate yourself from that mindset and look at you work more subjectively... the way an audiance/agent/producer/distributer see's it. They don't care at all if you only had "x-amount" budget and only "this much time" to produce it. It is irrelevant. All that matters at the end is the question... "is this comparable to current work in this genre and market?" If not, then try again.

For the OP, instead of getting defensive of your work, put yourself in there shoes and try to understand why they wrote what they did. Even if you don't agree with it and be thankful that people are being honest with you. It's the only way to improve.
 
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MMdigital said:
There most certainly is...

Sure, if it's experimental or you're doing something for yourself you can shoot/edit anyway you want... but when you're working on a genre specific project (in this case a NARRATIVE music video) and you're trying to appeal to a certain established audience (hip/hop music video fans), then there is most certainly a wrong way of doing things. If you think otherwise, you need to re-evaluate the way you make films... because you could be heading down a destructive path.

In this case, I pretty much agree with everything life4eva said. I think it was a fair assessment of the video. The people who think he's being an "asshole" need to be more constructive and realistic... nobody is going to get anywhere with just patting each other on the back all the time. If a video is trying to emulate a specific genre and it fails... the creator should be told why. Especially if they ask for it. At my film school, in the last 2 years of the program, you would be assigned one semester in which (in addition to your other classes) would have to present what you feel is you best work of the last year, just for the faculty to rip it apart. That was the entire point of this class, to break you down. Some people failed and couldn't handle it, but it taught a good lesson. Everyone thinks they are creating gold when they're working... you need to separate yourself from that mindset and look at you work more subjectively... the way an audiance/agent/producer/distributer see's it. They don't care at all if you only had "x-amount" budget and only "this much time" to produce it. It is irrelevant. All that matters at the end is the question... "is this comparable to current work in this genre and market?" If not, then try again.

For the OP, instead of getting defensive of your work, put yourself in there shoes and try to understand why they wrote what they did. Even if you don't agree with it and be thankful that people are being honest with you. It's the only way to improve.
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Post of the year..... As a film student and then going to many production meetings and interviews this has been done exactly to myself. No one cares that your budget was low or that you to run n gun a certain shot. At the end of the day the ONLY thing that matters is the final project. Now if you shoot for fun and don't care than that's fine, but if you REALLY want to get into this industry you need to show these people why and ONLY pure talent is going to keep you in. This project was ok for what it is, but it is not something personally in my opinion that would keep you in business as a company.

IMHO you need to look at the best directors in Hip Hop who are creating videos rite now if you even want a chance..... Hype Williams, Chris Robinson, Rick Cordero, Motion Family, and so many more.....

Ps. If you want me to edit your video with another twist to it send me a private message and talk $
 
Productive? The last time I attempted to offer feedback a year or so ago (more encouraging than life4eva's, I thought) on one of Mr. Dull's videos I was rebuffed in a similar manner. I don't really have the patience to offer a lengthy critique, but as a viewer and consumer of music videos, not a filmmaker, I can say I found that to be incredibly boring. Not an improvement.

Our feedback doesn't mean anything if you want to present something to the consumer, and I can tell you that the average consumer (an individual with the attention span of a coked-up gerbil) probably would not sit through more than 5-10 seconds of this video, sir. Your name is apt.
 
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