SHORT: In the Elevator - action scene
- Thread starter maarek
- Start date
G Gariques
Member
Nice ! love it .
QuickHitRecord
Veteran
I was entertained! I thought that the action was really great, with kinetic shots and brilliant fight choreography. I'm not sure about the dialogue at the beginning though. I don't feel like it added anything. I think I would have enjoyed it even more if they had both entered the elevator, smiled politely at one another, and then gotten the messages on their phones. Really nice work though.
Great, technically. Content-wise... I think it would have been anywhere between 300%-500% more powerful with just a couple small changes - really small. Change #1: cut all that dialogue in the beginning and reduce it to just two lines... the guy is thinking how to connect with the woman, awkward, and then awkwardly asks where she's going. She answers as you have it, "Up.", he nods awkwardly, and also says "Me too".
But the biggest change would be change #2: the ending. Instead of this guy asking her out for a cup of coffee - which is exactly what we already expect!!! - surprise the audience. So, after they discover the order to kill each other has been cancelled, they straighten themselves up, and go back exactly to they were before! For example, he could awkwardly say: "OK, still going up." and she goes "Me too". Now you have a stylish mirroring and nice surprise that the battle didn't make them close or familiar with each other, but that it was a 100% separate "work identity" - and outside of that work identity of assassins, they were back to their awkward old selves! Surprise the audience - don't just do what they expect you to do anyway! My 2 American cents
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But the biggest change would be change #2: the ending. Instead of this guy asking her out for a cup of coffee - which is exactly what we already expect!!! - surprise the audience. So, after they discover the order to kill each other has been cancelled, they straighten themselves up, and go back exactly to they were before! For example, he could awkwardly say: "OK, still going up." and she goes "Me too". Now you have a stylish mirroring and nice surprise that the battle didn't make them close or familiar with each other, but that it was a 100% separate "work identity" - and outside of that work identity of assassins, they were back to their awkward old selves! Surprise the audience - don't just do what they expect you to do anyway! My 2 American cents
.So the dialogue is 100% ADR I hear, I hear it because the dialogue sounds to much "voice over" then "natural dialogues.
What helps here is, adding some small reverb plugin, like the altiverb plugin in which you choose "inside small room or maybe even inside elevator". In other plugins, choose something
like small room and then use "pre-fader" on the aux track on which you put the plugin on. Then, lower the direct sound a bit and level up the "reverb sound" and then you'll hear it's
getting more "natural".
Same for Foley and SFX The buzz of the cellphone is to much "in front", same for the sound of the "beeeeep" of the cellphone.
What helps here is, adding some small reverb plugin, like the altiverb plugin in which you choose "inside small room or maybe even inside elevator". In other plugins, choose something
like small room and then use "pre-fader" on the aux track on which you put the plugin on. Then, lower the direct sound a bit and level up the "reverb sound" and then you'll hear it's
getting more "natural".
Same for Foley and SFX The buzz of the cellphone is to much "in front", same for the sound of the "beeeeep" of the cellphone.