IN THE BELLY OF THE MACHINE by Canvus Productions

hazelwould said:
For the closing shot I wanted this real sweet running dolly shot of Toby running to a pay phone, but at 6 am (at the end of your allotted 1 day shoot) we had to run with what we had.
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Holy crap do I know that feeling. Many examples of this exist hidden away in my timefest entry! Whew.

Well I'm glad you had it planned! I get a kick out of learning something that had bugged me was really just part of a production issue. Best laid plans, right?

Look forward to more!
 
I liked the stark lighting and colours, which fitted very well with the type of film. Gangsters trying to get their hands on a time machine made sense, as did the idea of the first two bad guys freezing the new arrival and then the good guy freezing him to make his getaway. Something lost me though I'm afraid - I think partly the rather wooden acting (especially in the gunfight).
Pretty nice film though and it had its own style to it.
 
I also felt the acting was a bit unbelieavble and that it was very ark but I liked the concept of a double double cross. People have already said the thing about the payphone versus the cell phone. I thought the time machine effect was very cool and the elements of a successful movie were all there, just fitting together slightly off. Congrats on getting this into the fest. It shows a ton of potential and points to an amazing next movie! A nice lighting kit would really help you out in the future.
 
Agreed on most of the above comments... I liked the idea and I think it has potential to be explored some more.

I totally know what you mean we you talk about run and gun and having to compromise because you are outa time. I totally feel for you there.
 
Hey,

Just caught the flick. I enjoyed it. There were parts that erked me but overall, I'm a fan.

First and foremost, I love the style of the piece. I would have liked to see it stay consistent. Right when I was really enjoying one style it would switch over to another. (The opening is simply pimp, with the fast jump cuts and the music, the title right there in your face, characters barely peeking out from between the letters. Ballsy but it worked for me). Good Michael Mann-ish editing with the cars, etc (think beginning of The Insider). I dug it. The colors are nice, the backgrounds, cars, etc. are all very nice in the opening. Like I said, ballsy.
I, for one, wasn't a TOTAL fan of the stuff in the car. I thought the acting was hit and miss, here and there (mostly dead on, just a few lines/beats were misses. But those beats are the ones that can shoot holes in credibility, no???) For me, anyway. Also, I know, limited by what you had, but I'd not a fan of the camera light. It was just TOO much of a tell that you're filming a movie.
But I think this opening sets the tension of the movie well, and so I dug it. I also like how you dance around the machine but never say what it is/does. That's good work there.
The rest of the movie kinda falls flat for me. The machine looks cool and I think throughout your compositions and colors are great. But the gun effects hurt the realism, the acting at times, and the thug and his Matrix-esque henchman kills it for me. Also, the climax just didn't feel like much of a climax to me.
I really like the Toby character and I would have liked to have seen him fleshed out. For me, story-wise, Toby is the best and worst part of it. He's the best because he's solid, a character we can relate to, and (either unwittingly or not) kinda the hero of the piece. He's the one who gets "played" and yet he makes it out in the end. And yet, the last scene kills me because I just don't know what to think of him. Maybe it's the way the whole end is played because I don't know if he is cool about the whole thing (i.e. he's got his back-up disguise, "it's finished" line, etc.) or got lucky or what? It's a hard line and I think he sits on the line, neither falling on either side or not. Which makes it hard for me.

But I liked his character, the look and overall, this movie in general. Good work. Can't wait to see more. I'm worried that you are gonna be a force to be reckoned with now that you've got a grasp on the schedule.
 
I can definitely say that this one ranks as one of my favorite flicks. And that's based on the look, feel and just overall cinematography. The interior car stuff was pretty fantastic, I was pretty much sold there. And the closing credits kicked my ass. Hard.

The Toby character's acting was spot on for me. I really liked his performance and almost wish -- hell, I DO wish -- I could've seen more of him. I felt he made the movie work as far as the acting goes, as I wasn't soo thrilled with the others. Very natural and just exuded this great sense of believability. Awesome job there.

The Machine, itself, had me smiling. So elegant in its simplicity and ridiculousness that I couldn't help but love it. And what it actually does... man, way cool. Neat effect and I dig the slow-mo on the "victims."

Yeah, the gunshots pull me out of it (in fact, the whole climax does) -- it feels like it gets a bit sloppy as far as your staging. But I still feel the overall atmosphere really saves it for me. The movie just has this cool vibe that rocks. Period.

Definitely looking forward to more!
 
Hey Jojopop,

I really appreciate the compliments on the film!! I spent more time planning the visual style then the actual storyboard and stuff... And I think this is apparent (not necessarily in a good way).

I watched a lot of different films to prepare for the short. Such as: Le Cercle Rogue, Alphaville, Eternal Sunshine, The Marriage of Maria Braun, Jules Et Jim, Elevator to the Gallows, and Heat (to name a few).

I agree that the ending feels sloppy. I have started another edit for the film with hopefully a tighter ending. As well as fixing all of the color correction errors.

The opening and closing credits are actually a fluke. I didn't have access to LiveType, because my copy isn't working. So I was forced at the last minute to create a title sequence using basic FCP text overlays. Once I completed it, I couldn't think of a better title/closing sequence.

I appreciate the feedback!! You guys are really such a great help!!

I hope when I direct future projects I can deliver.
 
Jules & Jim... wow, that's an interesting film to draw inspiration from. Actually, you've got quite an eclectic mix there but Jules & Jim sticks out particularly... probably because of my disdain for most things Truffaut.... but anyway -- cool dude. Whatever inspired you -- keep on reaching to that place. I'm anxious to see what else you can pull out of there!! :thumbsup:
 
You got a good story but I think the acting can be improved. I think if you adjust some of the lines and add a little more camera angles and some closeup then the quality will definitely improve. I'm not sure why you want to have the music over the dialogs. It's kind of distracting and the music doesn't seem to fit either. Did you intend to add the big black circle around the movie? This black bar is distracting also. Anyway, you did a nice job putting everything together. Congrats!
 
Loved the performance of the actor who played Toby.

Loved the shot of the two guys talking in the foreground, and Toby setting up in the background.

Loved the concept of the machine.

Wasn't a fan of the light in the car.

I didn't really understand the ending. How did Toby get a gun? Was he with the other guys or what?

You guys had a big challenge shooting outside at night. It made for some empty looking images sometimes. This might have been the style you were going for, but for me I wish you had put some light on a few background elements.
 
Jules and Jim has some amazing camera work. I drew some basic ideas from that. About 50% was handheld, 40% tripod, and 10% wheelchair.

Thanks tottie, I appreciate the review! As far as the border I don't know what happened...
 
I like the idea of the story, but sometimes I lost my concentration during I saw this film. I really like that you used this red suitcase as a detail with the antenna behind this suitcase - this detail gave this gangster genre film a little humorous part. The main character was pretty good, especially at the end when he put the cap on his head. Compliments.

Susanne
 
This was an interesting short. I'm not sure exactly what the "machine" did but I went along with it. The acting was okay. Not great, not atrocious.

There were a few technical problems. The exterior night shots (for the most part) were a bit milky and washed out. The shot of the two guys against the car weren't bad though. It was a bit jarring moving from them to Toby and back, because of the color correction problem.

I think there was also a continuity problem. When they saw headlights, they drove to meet them, pulling to a stop again. But when the "deal" was done, they were standing next to the red briefcase.

The music got a tad overbearing while he was on the phone, but I really loved the 70s vibe with the music and end credits. :Drogar-Love(DBG):
 
I actually thought this was pretty good. The acting took on a humble and authentic feel to it for the most part and the story was good. I assume that the machine stops time for everyone not wearing a watch, right? At any rate, it was well done. The only thing that bothered me was the blue layer over some of the scenes. Good job and good luck!
 
I like the cinematography in this short! It's has one of the best overall looks of all the films in the fest.:love4:
 
I can't say much that hasn't already been said, you had a lot of nice things going for you technically, so I'd just like to chime in with some constructive criticism about the script.

I think you had some nice moments in here with what felt like a lot of filler. One of the struggles for all of us as filmmakers is to resist the urge to tell the audience what is happening as opposed to just showing them through well chosen shots, body language, and what is left unsaid in the situation. I think the dialogue could have been cut down and more done with tense moments and glances between characters. It would have been interesting if that sequence where the two guys are leaning against the car chatting and the other guy is setting up the machine, you had them quickly mention the in the belly reference, and then talk about something completely unrelated to what is about to happen next, it would give the piece another level and let us into the characters more. Kind of like the whole "what is mcdonalds called in europe" discussion in Pulp Fiction...

Really dug the coloring and spot lighting and the story had a lot going for it.
 
Hey guys I appreciate the feedback! I agree about the continuity, color correction, and dialogue.

I am not a set writer do I did this with no real experience in writing for the screen. I recently picked up a copy of Syd Field's "Screenplay," I need to learn the do's and don't's of screenwriting, as well as structure.

I've started working a new cut an I've noted and changed those continuity issues.
 
I recommend you watch some John Ford movies so you can block your 3 person shots better. Also I would look into learning how to shoot coverage so you give us a more dynamic point of view when you carry on dialog.
 
Chuklz said:
I recommend you watch some John Ford movies so you can block your 3 person shots better. Also I would look into learning how to shoot coverage so you give us a more dynamic point of view when you carry on dialog.
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Thanks Chuklzzz! Noted!
 
Red titles scrolling across the screen? That in itself set this entire film up as an amateur production. I was tempted just “x” it out and move onto the next film, but I resisted…

HA!!! The yawn in the back rocked!

There were places in the film that looked and sound promising, but unfortunately your actors did not pull it off. The production needed a bit more work. Perhaps you should have considered a place indoors where you could control the lighting a bit more and re-work the script for an indoor shoot instead of going out in a random parking lot at night with household lights. (assuming those were the lights from lowe’s hardware?)

The ending left me in the air. I would have to watch the film again. I’m not sure I can do that.

I do however wanted to say congrats on finishing the film and entering it on the festival. Looking forward to seeing you improve by leaps and bounds.
 
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