IN THE BEGINNING - by GLF

Norm Sanders

Norm Sanders

Script Wrangler
I looked, and couldn't find a thread for this, so here it is. If I've missed something, hopefully a mod can delete this & just cut/paste this to that one.

This film started out VERY well ... titles, music, camera ... all top notch, and I thought we had a sleeper here that might give the other big guns a run for their money. Even at the end, it felt HOT ... really, really tight. But somewhere in the middle, throughout actually, there were little things that seemed over looked or just thrown in to make the deadline, and it kept pulling me out of the story.

SFX, for example ... the frying pan was WAY too loud, and was a distraction. I even wondered what it was for, until I finally saw the fire. Even though, once I watched it again, I saw that he was indeed cooking something, and we even pan past the spatula, we never see a CU of something frying, etc. to sell that SFX.

Another poor SFX was the simple placement of the Arm & Hammer box ... loud THUD, vs. something subtle. Little things, I know, but they were a distraction to me.

Now, as far as sound goes, TOP SHELF job on the SFX with the dialogue as we cut to each side of the phone conversation. Great job.

Again, some INSANE camera work/FX as we pan/dolly around the lead when he's about to look back into the telescope and HUGE props when we pull through the peep hole in the door ... one of my favorite shots in this entire festival yet!!!

Overall, I felt the lighting was lacking, which is too bad as the camera work deserved it ... but it was usually a little too dark and I felt I was struggling to really see things.

The story concept is cool, though there's not much of a story ... more of an event. And the ending was well done ... though it could use more explaination about what the markings mean, what happened, etc. Otherwise, I kind of like the ambiguity of it.

Nicely done, and really enjoyed much of this film.

EDIT: Just realized this is called IN THE BEGINNING: Chapter One ... so perhaps that's why it feels lacking in regards to a story, etc. Another nit-pick thing I didn't get is that while the rest of the titling was hot, hot, hot, something as simple as keeping IN THE BEGINNING centered & on screen was missed. As it expands & comes at us, the word IN disappears off to the right, taking me out of the film as I realize the edge of the screen, etc ... unless that was done on purpose, for some reason.
 
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I'm actually surprised this one ahsn't generated more buzz, maybe it's just the lack of an "official" thread. But I thought production-wise, this one really stood out.Most of the sounds work was dead on, and it was really great in terms of atmosphere. I didn't have any trouble with the lighting myself, but laptops are always... different... in terms of lighting. ;) I thought the acting was really well-done, too. There was no point where I felt like I was watching someone deliver lines. The story could've been more of a... well, story. I know it's a "Chapter One" in the title, but I do think we have to give more credit to the peope who managed a coherent story in the time limit. In almost all other regards, though, I was very impressed.
 
I enjoyed the sound, special effects, and acting, but I don't know if this was the right place to upload a teaser (that's basically what it is). I think you could get more and better critiques by uploading this to another section of the board, as this is not a short film but the beginning of a movie.

But, I'll bite.

Storywise, you properly set up an old tale (am I crazy, or is this real) in the sci-fi genre.

Audiowise, you were fairly good except for the frying pan, and the hiss discontinuity after the frying pan (when he's writing the hotel information).

Special effects were nice all around. The door eyehole move was fun, if a little unnecessary.

Acting was pretty good all around. No major quibbles.

Lighting, I'd agree, was a little too dark during the intro to the telescope scene and during the 'scraping moving thing'.

Overall, I'd just reitterate that I kinda felt cheated in the end by the seeming lack of any attempt to make it an actual short film.

Good job on an intro, though. Oh, it seemed a little squished to me. Don't know if that was intentional or not.
 
I'm sure it's no surprise as to which line of dialog stood out to me:
"You're not pullin' some Rear Window sh*t...spyin' on your neighbors."
Nice.

I enjoyed this film. I felt it was a "spruced up" version of
an established go-to sci-fi story.

The dialog overall was respectable, and flowed fairly naturally.

I didn't have a problem with the lighting...
but the dark scenes, though appropriate, were kept dark too long IMO.

My biggest concern was the ending. Instead of being left wanting more (as in the next sequel)...
I was left wanting more (as in the next act).

Cheers
beer.gif
on a fresh approach to an old standby.

Edit: I liked the door peephole pull through.
 
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I'm glad a thread was started about this because I did enjoy it very much and wanted to share my thoughts!

The cinematography was excellent, but I agree with Envision in that the lighting sometimes failed to highlight the camera work... it was a little TOO dark at times, with not enough contrast or catch lights to get the details showing through.

The peep-hole shot was amazing... Made both JTyner and I go "now THAT was cool..." Also really liked the shot of the phone off the hook in combination with the dialtone stutter sound.

The music and sounds were very good but for a few things. At the beginning the dialogue is very hollow/echoey. It would have been good to hear something in the form of a voice on the other end of the phone as well, even if low.

I liked the way you used music/scoring vs. silence... and my only criticism would be when the brother first walks outside and finds Billy in a catatonic state... there could have been a subtle use of music there that built up to the climax of the eye-closeup... it just seemed a little too quite in the one spot.

As a short film, I do understand why you went the way you did... JTyner thought it might have been kinda cool to have more quick shots cutting away to him writing with the chalk throughout the piece... and as a stand-alone short film, I think that might have worked well. Considering your film is titled "...chapter one" though, I imagine you have a longer version or intend to elaborate on the story more, and as a longer piece the cutaways could just become a distraction.

Thanks for sharing your film... it was really very good and the story really held my interest... I wanted to know more at the end, and the six minutes just flew by.
 
I liked this a whole lot better the second time around. Your scoring was excellent. I liked the look you created.

I think the thing I like the most was being allowed to decide whether he was crazy and "off his meds" or if he really saw a UFO. I think it's a more interesting story to have him crazy. Maybe crazy because of an earlier close encounter of the third kind.

On the first viewing I was left with a so so feeling. Looking back I wonder if I was tired when I watched it or what? Good job. Your opening really pulled me in.

I think you could have worked more on your dialogue and perhaps some highlighting in your lighting scheme, but other than that I liked it. And I'm glad I watched it a second time. (Don't know what happened the first time around.)
 
Simply put I wish your story was as good as your camera work.


I don't get how seeing something in a telescpoe would make you see things at your house and go crazy. If he's off his meds you don't have a Sci-fi short.

Just did'nt get it.

Kind of felt like a long trailer.

Kip Kubin
 
I have to agree with THX-1138. I wish the screenplay had been as good as the camera work and visuals.

It was very very very dark in many spots that my face was right up to my monitor and I still has no idea what I was supposed to be seeing.

Opening titles and credits with score were superb. Set a nice feeling.
Great camera work over all throughout. Peep hole, etc. Good job there!

Acting is a bit on the weaker side.

Because this is "the beginning" and not the beginning, middle and end of a complete 6 minute short movie... sigh.... there is no sense of character. We can't relate to much here. I had this complaint with the last contest as well that several people tried to make a "to be continued" movie instead of a solid, six (5 for zombiefest) minute self contained piece. It does bother me because it is much harder to create a self-contained short story than the first five minutes or so of your longer piece.

Great work. Just wish there was more behind the razzle dazzle of it. Like a plot.
 
I pretty much agree with Envision except that I thought the lighting was quite good -- a lottle too dark on my monitor but only in very few instances.

There's a great eye at work here, but the peice was a little uneven and the middle failed to hold my interest.
 
Quick Disclaimer: I am avoiding reading other comments before rating each of the films, so I may repeat comments others have said to death.

Oh my gosh! This was awesome! After watching about 60% of this films, this is now in my top 3...and may be tied for 1st.

The cinematography was outstanding and I was right there fully invested in the characters right from the get-go. This felt very sci-fi to me and especially after I realized I kept thinking this reminded me of a late 80s - early 90s movie that I might catch on Saturday afternoon television (that is meant as a compliment, though I understand it might not seem that way). What made me think that initially was the sfx of the rotary phone ringing, along with the color and score. I realize I may get ridiculed for this, but I think my favorite part of this film was the sfx of the rotary phone :) For some reason, it just made this film click for me . . . it put me into the world you were creating.

I was also very impressed with the FX, in particular I really liked the pull-back shot through the peep-hole in the door...AWESOME! How'd you do that? (If you already told earlier in this thread, then disregard the question as I'll be reading it after I finish this post).

The actors did a great job and were very believable. When the film ended I wanted to know the rest of the story. What do the symbols mean? Where did he go (I assume aliens took him, but where)? What happens next? When is Chapter 2 going to be available?

One critique, I didn't care for the voice over the phone sfx. It sounded more like a voice on a CB radio, rather than the typical phone sfx. I think it needed to be a little more tinny and thin sounding.

Excellent Job!

Larry
 
Got a chance to watch this film. Really liked this one too! It is in my top 10 for sure! Only thing I wasn't too keen on was some of the lighting. Seemed too dark in some areas. Hard to distiguish things. But, overall I was gripped by the story, and wanted to see what happened next! Great film!
 
Hey everyone, thank you for the feedback, we would just like to say that due to the compression, the scenes look a lot darker than they actualy are. We apologise that half of the film is almost not vilisble :)
 
I liked this one, the picture was clear and it had a good storyline to it. I kept wondering what was going to happen next. Although I'm not sure about the acting.
I liked the strength of the friendship.

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