How long would YOU last in a Slasher movie?

Chris Light

Chris Light

Veteran
I didn't want to do a simple poll, but rather a discussion. I'm not sure if this has been done before here, so here goes.

Watching slasher films over the years, ala Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the like, there's a common order in which characters are killed off, and I have come to believe they are character-driven. I've paid attention to who's being killed off and in what order. I've boiled it down to a simple list of character personalities/traits in the order in which i believe typically happens.

First to die? Usually the quiet charcter with little backstory and just serves to let us know a bit about the motivation of the killer.

Second? Usually the big & slow type who may have heard about the killer but goes on about his ways until it's too late, and he can't quite run away. This character is usually killed off doing something mundane, like taking a poo, or closing the fridge door.

Third? The character you DIDN'T want to see killed. This is usually the A-type personality that is relatively smart but makes one vital mistake in letting the killer a bit too close. It sucks, because this character was cool, and probably good looking. We thought this one would last.

Last? The survivor. The character that doesn't seem to have all the ideas, but you have trusted him throughout the film, and will come through under the most extreme pressure. This character is usually "thrown" into the leadership role in order to ensure the survival rate of whoever is left (especially if a sequel is planned).

So, which one are YOU?
1: The Quiet One.
2: Big & Slow.
3: The A-Type.
4: The Survivor.

Be honest. about this fictional topic.:Drogar-BigGrin(DBG)

EDIT: it's also fun to think of your friends and coworkers with this subject in mind.
2ND EDIT: feel free to add to the list. From my list, I am "the survivor". i'm not always the first to make choices, but when given ultimatums, i take charge like Large Marge.
 
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I am the one that turns one the lights before entering any dark room as I am not a bat or have any special powers that allow me to see in the dark.
 
you did forget the ones who just wanna have sex that's true... they're in almost ever slasher movie... and in the newer ones always seem to be taping themselves....
 
You forgot the store clerk who sells the kids the booze and leers at the bikini clad vixens before taking out his glass eye to "scare" the kids before making a corny joke about ax murderers and menthol cigarettes.
 
I'm probably an amalgam of #1, #3 and #4.

On the other hand, I am also the sort who visits the range at least twice a month, the sort who has learned to navigate my house with my eyes closed for home-field advantage in the dark, and the sort who has made careful note of how characters in slasher flicks get themselves stoopidly killed.

Always take the initiative and go on the attack. Most slashers are looking for victims, not a real fight.
 
You forgot the black guy....usually dead within two minutes after the opening credits roll...lol (hmm....wait Jurrasic Park is not a slasher flick.....) jk
 
^ that made me wonder...there are black directors and producers creating comedies, dramas, romances, action movies etc designed to appeal predominantly to black audiences - don't think I've ever heard of a 'black slasher' movie. Have I just missed them, or is this genre judged not so popular with black moviegoers?
 
I think the token has been making it through ever since Scream 2. Heck, Ice Cube made it off of Mars!

Sanaa Lathan beat the crap out of a mother alien in AVP. I can't remember if Kelly from Destiny's Child made it out of Freddy vs... HUP! No, she didn't. I remember now. She made out with that nerdy dude and then caught it against a tree, I think.

Ving Rhames made it out of Dawn of the Dead with a whole boat fulla white people. Of course his counterpart bought it early in Day of the Dead...but Nick Cannon lived through it if you watch the alternate ending!

OH, and People Under the Stairs? That kid lived...

Danny Glover in Predator 2

I feel like that white dude who's like, "I know black people! I've had like three black people IN MY HOUSE! Come on..."

LOL

Anyway, *I* would totally be Captain Save a Hoe in the slasher flick scenario, no doubt. My friends have always clowned on my inability to not save me a damsel. So I'd totally go back into the woods to go help the two chicks that have probably already been maimed and murdered, and my best friend would totally be stuck coming with me, so, sucks to be him.

I've never had delusions that, in a crisis, I would actually survive.

But that's why I pack a trunk full of borrowed edged weapons and fire arms when I go on a road trip. I might be first to go, but I'm gonna take some backwoods butt-raping cannibals out with me.

ba-KOW!
 
I've got a long martial arts background, always carry a flashlight and can recognize when a situation isn't going to end well.

That being said, I can see myself being like Ted from Friday the 13th Part II. He survives because he stays out drinking all night and never returns to the camp.:beer:
 
ummmh, not sure, but I once attended a Japanese sword fighting class (Kendo).

When one of the guys attacked me with his sword, I was sure I will be able to defend myself for - at least - a while.

Ha, forget it.

If you face an experienced sword fighter, you die with the blade in your throat within 3 seconds. There is no way you can defend yourself unless you can run faster than he.

Same game on attacking. I did my best to hit him, but no matter how hard I tried, I did not even come close to him. He could probably parry me with ease, while reading a book, having a coffee and getting a new haircut at the same time.

So if you face someone with a sword, spear, bow, chainsaw andwhatnot, and he is an experienced fighter you gonna die quick.

Maybe if it´s just some kind of living corps with hatchet, you might have a chance with a pump gun.

Frank
 
Well, duh. I am the SLASHER!!!!!!!!! I am considering on a visit, Chris, just because you forced me to go outside your choices. We slashers hate that. Just wait until I tell them about what you did, at our monthly support meeting.

But I promise to wait after you are done
...............taking a poo.............
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I don't know what would be more humiliating. Me slashing you while you are doing your business, or having to wait to slash.

Hmmmm. Funny scene:

Slasher walks in to kill actor taking a crap,

"Oh Dear God! What the hell did you eat??????? I'll wait outside, until you are done."
Cut to Slasher outside bathroom door, impatient, holding large knife. Looks at watch repeatedly. Loud "intestinal" noises are heard from inside the bathroom.
"Hey, for God's sake, light a match when you are done!!!!!"

We could call this scene "Saved by Spicy Mexican food"
 
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I have a hunting knife next to my bed, two handguns in another room, sword at the foot of my bed and another one by my bedroom door, baseball bat by the front door, machete hanging outside the back door (under stuff so the attackers won't get it), and I insist that kitchen knives hang instead of going in drawers for easy access. And I always seem to get put in charge... so I think I'd handle it pretty well, and realistically I'd be able to get some of the people out of there. Not the really, really stupid ones that always seem to get in these situations, though.

I find the average slasher movie to be rather annoying and disappointing. The conflict comes from the characters being completely incompetent and stupid, to the extent that only the bottom rung of the audience can relate to them, instead of the killer being skillful and actually frightening. That's backwards.
 
I wouldn't fare well against a trained fighter as hard as that is to admit.
But I've messed with my young nephew who studies martial arts and have recently dealt with the police and yeah, I'd have to catch a lucky punch but otherwise, nay.

But, I could deal with them on a psychological level and I'd have a damn good fighting chance at outwitting them to give me the deciding advantage at some point. That I can do.

So that'd be my approach if it came down to it. Basically to outwit or outsmart them.
 
I think there's one more missing character type, that I would fall into.

The person who has all the answers, but still dies. This person is normal sought after by the cast after the killer starts doing his thing, and this person exposes the back story to the killer, intentions, gives the information needed for the survivor to actually make it...

Usually this character dies by either sacrificing them self to help the others escape, or in a vein attempt to kill the killer. This is usually the darkest hour for the party, as their ray of light has been killed, and they feel a bit hopeless after. Then comes the pep talk, the plan, and the climax of the story.

Unless I'm watching completely different movies?
 
I actually enjoyed 'A Nightmare on Elm Street" 2010. It felt refreshed again.
Yeah, it's a slasher, which I can't really stand, but this one was alright.
I suspect the critics won't like it, but fk it, it was alright for me.
 
Cassius said:
I have a hunting knife next to my bed, two handguns in another room,
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Consider a push-button combo box under the bed frame for bedroom access to the handguns. In another room your chances of getting the weapon in hand are a lot longer, than if you have it right at hand and can just push buttons, 1-2-3-4 and a loaded pistol is in your hand, ready to use.
 
Sad Max said:
Consider a push-button combo box under the bed frame for bedroom access to the handguns. In another room your chances of getting the weapon in hand are a lot longer, than if you have it right at hand and can just push buttons, 1-2-3-4 and a loaded pistol is in your hand, ready to use.
Click to expand...

I bought one for under a hundred bucks. Battery back up as well. Completely tactile, so I can open it in the dark.

That said, large mag-lite in the drawer on one side of the bed, two XD40 handguns (one with a blindingly bright tac-light on it) in said safe on the other side, and several long-guns in a safe in the closet five feet away. I also have no qualms killing, gutting, and skinning large animals.

In theory I guess I'm #8 (#9?)... the quiet redneck who you think is the slasher but ends up saving you from him (sometimes at his own unfortunate expense).
 
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