Hitoribochi - "Alone"

warau said:
Well, the first rough cut was almost 10 minutes! I managed to cut it to 8 minutes but cutting more without losing the story in proving problematic. In general it is way to dark, sound issues in places and currently 2 minutes too long... all in all not bad for my first try!
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Ha ha, every entry I make is at least 2 min too long when I first cut it!
 
A second and third pair of eyes managed to get it close to 6 minutes, really lost some of the flow the longer version had though.
 
After I had to cut two minutes off my last entry, this time I only wrote 4 pages.

Good luck with your edit. I'm sure you can make it work. Sometimes it's for the best and makes for a tighter better film.
 
you'll be surprised how much more incisive you can make some scenes. It hurts to cut great performances, but sometimes it is worth it. My first edit came in at around 12 minutes, so I turned on "Cruel Bastard" mode and started to chop everything that was running long. i actually ended up adding some shots for pacing and replacing others to keep the flow. Helps to ask yourself: "what am I trying to say in this scene?" you'll find the cuts easier to make as you trim the fat.

And then it comes down to the second and micro-second stage where you're trimming here and there to get your cut down from 00:06:01:32 or some such...

You'll do well. See if you can get your stuff graded. Sometimes good color correction and film-grading will help the darker scenes. Just depends on how well lit they were.
 
puckthemad said:
You'll do well. See if you can get your stuff graded. Sometimes good color correction and film-grading will help the darker scenes. Just depends on how well lit they were.
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"well lit" and this film don't really go together! I am just hoping the darkness matches the mood. Since it has turned out so bad, I am using the whole thing as practice and will be giving color correction a try myself, I expect to make some scenes better and some worse... AND I am doing a tiny bit of ADR today, thanks for the tips on workflow. I only have one actor able to come back for 30 minutes, fortunately he is the one that needed ADR the most.

I have learned a LOT so far making this short, I expect I will learn more in the next few hours!
 
jasonthewho said:
After I had to cut two minutes off my last entry, this time I only wrote 4 pages.

Good luck with your edit. I'm sure you can make it work. Sometimes it's for the best and makes for a tighter better film.
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I wrote 7 pages thinking 1 minute/ page + vicious cutting would equal a tight 6 minute film, oops, almost 10 minutes!. :crybaby:
Looking at it now I would have been better off writing 4 pages and giving the characters room to breath. I have cut 3.75 minutes off my original edit! I am simultaneously doing a longer edit, currently right at 8 minutes. Everyone who has seen both prefers the longer edit.:(
 
puckthemad said:
Dude, you vanished for a bit. Surface from editing for long enough to give us an update. Come up and get some air!
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Finished the 6 min edit, but I have one bad cut I can't seem to do anything about. It really needs a good cutaway but everything looks weird. I suppose I will leave it and move on, it is not a problem in the longer edit.

If I can just get the subtitles in place I will start working on compression. Hopefully I will finish both of those today and be ready to upload tomorrow.

I am SICK of looking at this film.
 
Uploaded and ready to rock!
I hope I am not graded on the subtitles, I noticed several commas, periods and apostrophes that didn't render for some reason.
I am really looking forward to seeing everyone's films and to getting some serious critique/ advice for the future.
 
warau said:
Uploaded and ready to rock!
I hope I am not graded on the subtitles, I noticed several commas, periods and apostrophes that didn't render for some reason.
I am really looking forward to seeing everyone's films and to getting some serious critique/ advice for the future.
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Ahhh glad you finished it. Looking forward to seeing how it came out. Ganbatte ne.
 
Finishing was never in doubt, only the quality of the final product. I have a gift for organization and enough stubbornness to finish no matter how bad it gets.:Drogar-Smoke(DBG):

As a new DVXuser and new filmmaker, I must say this has been a blast to do! I have enjoyed seeing everyone's struggle to get a film done. The range of solutions for the common problems of too little time and money is fascinating. I am so ready to do this again!
 
I can't put my finger on it, but for some reason I keep thinking back on this short. I really liked the acting and dialogue and it all moved so smoothly. Good job.
 
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Morox said:
I can't put my finger on it, but for some reason I keep thinking back on this short. I really liked the acting and dialogue and it all moved so smoothly. Good job.
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Thanks! The subtitles are rough in spots, more of a "dynamic equivalent". I was hoping it would come out OK.
 
Hey mate. Well a pretty good first effort if you ask me. And no one is.

Story was a bit up and down, and I found myself thinking the change just came through reading a few words, thats fine - but needed more impact on his character there.

Really heavy in dialogue. Would have liked some moments to play themselves out around action as well. In the end felt a bit melodramatic.

Cinematography also there were a couple of good shots in there, but mixed with a fair few rough ones - that comes with work. Kind of felt you had locked lighting down (bedroom shots) and werent prepared to change it so stuck fairly well with the 1p to 1p cuts. The camera angle and composition will sell you story even more.

Sound was a mixed bag. Have you checked out Barry and Davids DVD on sound? I think theres a lot of good things in there for you.

EDIT: Wanted to add something - Im not sure your lens choice/choices did much for me here. If this is your first piece, Id start by getting rid of the letus and work on your composition as a start point.

But, please refer back to my original remark, and let the rest slide. Good job.
 
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Thanks for the notes Noel. You pretty much nailed my opinion of it as well. The longer edit does help the story but can't help the rest. I did learn a lot in the process though.
 
I thought this was very impressive for a first film.

First, I liked the subject matter, this lost soul alone in the world and his last friend trying to help him find a way out. I thought the actors were good.

I agree with Noel though, I would love to see you do this with less dialogue and let your visuals tell the story. I think you will find it can be quite powerful.

Lastly, I really liked the score. I think you have a lot of promise as a filmmaker and I hope I get to see more of your films in the future.
 
Good job. I enjoyed your film.

The main problem, too much expositional dialogue. It's seemed the same thing was being said over and over again. First the sister, immediately followed by the best friend... Sometimes one sentence is all it takes, if that. Actions always speak louder than words.

I found his sudden salvation at the end too sudden. A few more beats should have been used for that transition.

The picture of the girl on the wall was a nice touch, but I found her beauty to be almost distracting from the story. Perhaps an uglier girl would have been better. :laugh:
 
Nice job. It did a good job of showing the hopelessness of life sometimes. The acting was good.
 
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