Go West

jamiejay

jamiejay

Well-known member
God told her to go west... she brought along her hatchet.

so, i'm officially in...

good luck to everyone,

jamie :beer:
 
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If there is no sequence to read the entries I shall make this my first read.

A lady with a hatchet on a mission from God, in a Western...

Can't resist!
 
haha... nice. :p (but i had no clue what was coming because i've never heard that song before... i thought you had rick rolled me ;)
 
Oooh well this is a mature and interesting tale that manages to express tragedy, mental illness I suppose and loneliness quite well. Somewhat unexpected in a western entry but it works very well, and makes this what I presume will be one of the most thoughtful entries.

Of course it starts like a kind of homage to Gone with the Wind hehe (but we soon see its a little darker than that...) The first er hatchet incident comes quite unexpected though i was a little confused over what happened to miss lucy (obviously i learn later) but perhaps that could be a little clearer in the language?

I think the Lucy character (and her stereotype) works a little better in this type of ironic, slightly perverse story than she would have i n a straight story. The characters in general were convincing, and Caroline a well developed/tragic lead.

So all in all an accomplished work!
 
I really enjoyed this script. A tragic, event, God, abuse and a hatchet are a lethal combination. I thought you did a really good job of combining all the events of her life to give her believable motivation for her actions.

I liked the characters and their ineractions. The dialogue was a little bit stiff between Molly and Caroline, but really just a minor nit pick. (When you had a saloon girl named Molly, you could've knocked me over with a feather, you'll know why when you read my script)

I like how you set up the second scene(flashback) Everything is so happy and serene, even after Dad comes back drunk, it takes such a sudden violent turn. I thought it really worked well.

Setting up the scene with the abusive husband was excellent, reinforcing all the events that have led to her path of destruction.
I thought her religious rants were right on target.

I felt the part where she starts bleeding was a little unclear for me. I assumed it was the shot she took in the back the night before. My only question was why she would start bleeding so profusely at that moment. (I do like the image of Molly standing in a pool of blood) I felt like maybe there should have been some action from her that may have re-opened the wound. Maybe it happens after she wrecks her last bar and she bleeds out in the street or something. ( I don't know if that works or not).

The ending was perfect. I like that you brought it back around to her childhood with Ms. Lucy. Loved it.

Overall I really enjoyed this script. You have a lot of layers going on in here and I think you did an excellent job of bringing them together. Good job!
 
lawriejaffa said:
Of course it starts like a kind of homage to Gone with the Wind hehe (but we soon see its a little darker than that...) The first er hatchet incident comes quite unexpected though i was a little confused over what happened to miss lucy (obviously i learn later) but perhaps thcat could be a little clearer in the language?
Click to expand...

i never even thought (consciously anyway) about gone with the wind... but i can see that... haha. being an apparent history buff yourself, you might appreciate that i was inspired by the life of carry nation, who was famous for her fight for prohibition in the wild west. in her writings, she speaks of her relationship with one of the family slaves who helped to raise her. the african american nanny is a recurring character in both film and literature, but mammy is arguably the most notable. i hope the likeness wasn't too distracting for you ;)

thanks for the review... yours is coming soon :)
 
Thank you and no the likeness wasn't too distracting - this was very possibly the most mature and tragic entries into fest! While I likened parts to Gone with the Wind - lol I certainly didn't envisage the film as anything like that (while seeing it in my head.)

The colours were desaturated sepia stained hues, with lingering sadness hehe ;)
 
conlanforever said:
I liked the characters and their ineractions. The dialogue was a little bit stiff between Molly and Caroline, but really just a minor nit pick.

I felt the part where she starts bleeding was a little unclear for me. I assumed it was the shot she took in the back the night before. My only question was why she would start bleeding so profusely at that moment. (I do like the image of Molly standing in a pool of blood) I felt like maybe there should have been some action from her that may have re-opened the wound. Maybe it happens after she wrecks her last bar and she bleeds out in the street or something. ( I don't know if that works or not).
Click to expand...

i think these two issues are related... caroline was dying and she was struggling during that conversation and, looking back, i should have made it a little more clear. the time lapse between her getting shot and the bleeding out is a valid point. i guess i just pictured her bleeding the whole time and eventually bleeding through the bandages. i definitely could have used some foreshadowing in the church or something. i was trying to make it subtle and i think i may have made it too subtle...

i am glad you liked it. i really respect your opinion and it means a lot to me! thanks for the kind words! :)

i will be reviewing your script shortly...
 
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