Flatmates - Understanding Women - Short Comedy

J

Jonny Walks

Member
Hi All,

My second attempt at the comedy 'Flatmates', slightly more developed characters than the previous as well as a few more experimental shots. The "prop book" was created by Cathy who plays the judgmental "Jill". See what you think, I'd really like some feedback, even if it's just "yea it's OK", it's fine/rubbish or whatever. It's hard to improve anything when nobody takes the time to say anything, so please any comments are welcome!


Hope you enjoy, Jonny Walks
 
All of the concepts are good, but once you try doing things with them is when it goes down hill a little bit. I liked the guy, he was pretty good...the woman felt a little too much like she was acting, but it wasn't bad per se. The lighting needed work, it just felt very flat, and there were some harsh shadows on the wall behind the couch. The worst part about this was the audio. It wasn't very normalized and there was clipping all over the place. The music in the beginning was way too loud and made it hard to hear the dialogue. Also, I felt like the basic concept was good, but failed to really get where it was going. The punchline wasn't bad and it made me smile, but overall I felt like the humor was lacking a bit. Of course humor is subjective and maybe it's just me, but I just think your average execution of your good ideas needs work to bring it up to the next level.
 
I agree with Tommy. Also seems underexposed. The audio really does need work. Its hard to listen to with all that clipping... and you need smoother transitions between cuts. i think i said this in the first episode...but the shots still feel too tight and intimate, or up in my face. more usage of medium long shots would be good.
 
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