First Short - - Need Feedback

blackbudget

blackbudget

Member
This is a simple edit of my first short. Give me some constructive criticism on whatever you want, I need it. Unfortunately, I didn't get any good feedback in school and this needs some work before I submit it anywhere. I have lots of takes to choose from, so if something isn't working, I need to know. Thanks for watching.

http://www.blackbudget.org/theonlything

**adult language and content**
 
Hey blackbudget

the first thing i noticed, mostly in the first scene was the Framin, i felt in the shots there was to much head room, I think a widescreen matte thrown on this short would help, then play around with the video moving it up and down, just fixing up the framin.
I was interested, along the way, cause i wanted to see what was gonna happing to these guys, i thought the pay off was kinda weak though.
thats about it,
i think those are the only two things i noticed, some framing issues, and the pay off.
maybe re think the ending re shoots something, but ya whatever works for you...

yo!
 
The conversations between the man in the gray shirt and the blue shirt felt weird to me because it took me a minute to find out what direction was the person he was talking to. Also I think a master shot in the begining just so the viewer can get their bearings might be helpful.
 
kinda disturbing short--i like it. i agree about the ending. a bit weak. it needs to be explosive or have some crazy twist. the framing didn't bother me. really enjoyed the dialogue, both in the intro and in the bar with the gay guy, seemed very natural.
 
I agree some over the shoulders would have been nice to establish the dialogue layout of the first scene. The end was rushed, and I think it would have been awesome to find out the gay guy was really luring them back to his place to kill them (even though they thought they were the ones doing that). I liked the short and think with some tweaking it could be great. Good JOB!!!
 
i like it!! acting, lights, and radiohead ..... nice
PAL dvx?
what accessory did u use? lenses?
what were your settings?
 
It's alright but maybe some sort of disclaimer? Touchy dialogue? Nah, nevermind. We're all adults here, to some extent.
 
Forgot about the disclaimer.

No accessories. F6 with two slight adjustments which were overtaken come color correction.
 
As a gay man, I agree, there's nothing I like more than kicking ass, but sucking cock and getting stoned are good too, well not the stoned part. Seriously though. It's pretty good. I agree that the ending needs to be more severe, forceful, something. The sound effect of the toilet flushing. I would lose, his footsteps are enough cue, the toilet is kinda funny. I don't know if that's intentional. And also, for coming from upstairs it's really loud. But technically it looks good, the sound is good, except the first scene it's a bit hollow. I'd say with a few minor changes you have a really good piece.
 
The shots of the streets seem distractive to me. They didn't flow with the rest fo the movie. At the end you should have added, "Well boys, you gonna call the cops? You gonna tell them that you got butt-raped?" Then the gay guy would laugh and the scene closes. Sometimes you need to tell the viewer what to think rather than let it sit in their mind. In this case the viewer would be guys like the two perpetrators and it would shock them but like the friend who didn't want to participate, most of us were not emotionally on the same path. I thought it was revolting to listen to those two talk. We would see the bad guys get their due. You couldn't make the end shocking, the beginning was. You should have added some accessories in the end scenes, such as karate awards, swords on the wall, and maybe weights, to show that the gay guy keeps fit but the other guys were so into what they were doing that they didn't pay attention. The thrill of the event overwhelmed their judgement. That's what they were doing it for, right? When he pulls up his zipper it didn't establish itself in my mind until the movie was over and I thought about it. I was wondering what they hell that was. The end should have been the two guys walking out into public embarassed and now feeling distant from each other. Because they acted on how society views gays and now one would question how they feel about themselves. Unlike others, I think a establishing shot in the beginning would have thrown the movie out of focus. You did it well.

Bubble was playing in the background as I was watching your movie. Now I'm watching the interview.
 
I agree with all the comments so far. I liked the camera movement, the long shots, everything along those lines. I had some problems with the sound just not sounding great, but you had some great locations. The acting was good, but the pay off at the end was really weak.

I disagree with the whole butt raped comment though. I think that casts a negative connotation on the whole equal rights treatment that you are kind of touching on. Something like even a chainsaw sound and yelling at the end without seeing anything could give it a really sickening finish. Even a urination sound and the tied up guys freaking out could work well.

Just some ideas to really sell the ending, you know?
 
How would your sickening finish touch on equal rights? Mine would because it teaches you to treat people with respect or your gonna get f-ed. hahahaha.
 
great feedback fusionist. the ending is what i struggled with the most in the two days i spent editing this version. It was re-written several times, but ended up getting rushed, so it never made it up to par in my mind. i've tossed around several ideas and after I listen to everyone here I will decide on what to do for the ending.
 
holy sheeeet. what a great ending. Overall, it felt like you guys definately knew what you were doing. A few shots here and there could have been composed better, I think, but that didn't really matter much. the ones at the beginning in the bar were good. The acting was surprisingly good too. The leads seemed comfortable, and the others didn't seem to bad either. Lighting was good, but I think it could've used some darkening in post, just a little bit. maybe give it some extra mood.

all together, great job! Interesting idea too. How'd you think of it?
 
Locations were great. Good job on whoever got them.

Audio neede work, I couldn't hear the dialogue sometimes.

The dialogue w/ the gay guy in the bar: When you were showing the gay guy talking, you were focused on the guy w/ the curly hair in the foreground. Was really distracting.
 
I like it.

I've only seen a couple of shorts shot on DVX and this one is the only one that has extremly good quality. I'm planing to buy one as soon as I can.

The only thing I would do is to have a Masters shot in the beggining, I was also confused in the beggining if there where more people or just those three.
 
There are a lot of things I didn't like about this short. I will however excuse any and all sound problems I had, assuming this is a really rough cut. I don't want to reiterate what others have already said, as I feel it's unnecessary.
The story itself is very boring in my opinion, I felt in most aspects of the story it was very unrealistic. I can't pin point exactly how I feel about this short, I think that the pacing is off, it is drawn out to long. The characters motives seem out of place, I don't think their actions fit their words.
Now, if I'm going to look at this film as a statement rather than something unrealistic, I would not have the story follow the guys after their SECOND target. I think the story should have focused on their FIRST target. It was so… so predictable in the end that they were going to get the **** kicked out of them. However, I don't feel that should have been the goal because the end of the film is so week. I find the characters themselves irrational and annoying, that the only thing keeping me watching the film was to see if the end redeemed itself, but it did not. Even if your antagonist is a horrible person you have to like SOMETHING about them. (this is all opinion) I just felt very disconnected and I think the message of the film is a lot of different than the actual film itself. It seems very misunderstood.
It just felt very unrealistic to me, and I think that the film altogether was a big miss in my opinion. Especially since the end left me without any clear resolve.


The film itself looked very nice though.
I can feel that I'm going to be ripped to shreds for saying all that, but I really didn't enjoy it. There were things to like about this short, but I felt that in the end, the bad story made me dislike it very much.
 
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