DSLR Short Film

[RedSpectrumPictures]

This is my first ever short film, I am not too sure what I think of the outcome, but I would love to hear what others think about it.

I know there are many errors, there where things I shot wrongly on the day, so I had to cover them up and sometimes made it look worse. I will learn from my mistakes though.

 

[Kegan]

Some cool shots in there - audio was recorded clean. The first thing that stuck out to me was the constant drinking. No one drinks like that and there certainly isn't enough in that flask for him to be chugging on it. I didn't particularly care for the way the story was told (pacing was a little too slow for me and shot selection was minimal).

That being said, it was WAY better than my first film! You look like you've taken time to learn and understand some concepts prior to shooting and that's great. The other thing I wasn't a huge fan of was the sepia (?) tone you applied. Didn't seem to fit a noir piece, but that's likely personal preference.

Best of luck!

Kegan

 

[j1clark@ucsd.edu]

This is my first ever short film, I am not too sure what I think of the outcome, but I would love to hear what others think about it.

I know there are many errors, there where things I shot wrongly on the day, so I had to cover them up and sometimes made it look worse. I will learn from my mistakes though.

A couple of things.

1) Typewriter... late 60's or 70's vintage, kicks out the attempt to get a 40's look.
2) Typing table... same...
3) Desk lamp... same...

Here's a picture of a well known 'addict/writer', where it was sometimes difficult to tell if he was stone or straight while writing...

Although Burroughs wrote in the 50's, this sort of set up would be more 'vintage'. The only item is the typewriter is a 50's model.

Here's a Remie Scout. While this one is blue, they came in different colors and perhaps would be a typewriter that a 'down and out' writer who had pawned his typer
for drink might have.

And yes, they were sold without the 'skins'... and cheaper thereby...

Don't feel bad...

1) "Sherlock Holms: A Game of Shadows"(2011) has Watson typing his memoirs on what appears to be a Underwood No. 5. But the No. 5 didn't come out until 1901, ten years after the time of the film 'time'.
2) Baz Luhrman in "Moulin Rouge!"(2001), has the McGregor character typing his memoirs on an Underwood No. 5. But in that case, the movie time is 1900, and so it is closer to the actual time of release of the No. 5. There's even a mention of this in the 'behind the scenes' clips, that they had to spend money to get the typer ready for its 'close up', and that it was slightly offset in terms of time.

Desk Lamp.

I think with props like this your 'texture' of vintage would be greatly improved.

As for the cinematography.

I think you need to have a few more shots from very different angles. Most were from one side, and therefore became some what repititious.

As for B&W, lighting is key... and quite a few shots appeared to be too low of an exposure. The shots with the typewriter and paper should have been with pristine 'white' on the white paper. I'm not a fan of 'sepia' for films. While some films were toned, most B&W were straight, and so, I don't think there's any need to do the sepia for moving pictures... to be sure still film toning was very popular, along with hand tinting for color before color was manufactured at popular prices.

Here's a vintage shot of Will Rogers with a typewriter.

Note the clean whites and the blacks. While this is an internet copy of a photo... I think the original had a reasonable contrast. The typewriter is a Remington.

I'd say try getting the footage again, with an eye for better contrast... and if you can't get the vintage stuff... relocated in time to late 60's early 70's... there were still drinkers trying to bang out a novel in the heyday of 'do your thing'...

 

[RedSpectrumPictures]

Hey thanks for the reply, I appreciate the honest opinion. The room we shot in was tiny, it will limited me to the shot types I originally had planned, but definitely if I had a larger location to film I may have experimented a bit more with the shots.

I hate the colour correction I did as well, I did try fully black and white, but I just felt it didnt work and it needed some colour. I am not too good at editing or colour correction, but then again practice makes perfect and I havnt really ever tried to colour correct a whole short before.

 

[RedSpectrumPictures]

Thanks for your reply as well, I appreciate you finding me these pictures. EVerything I spent on this short film came out of my pocket, I bought the typewriter off ebay for £10, so I wasn't too bothered about the year the typewriter was made, but I fully agree that having a typewriter from the year the film was set would have been better, or I could have actually used my brain for once and just set the film in a time the typewriter would have been used. The desk lamp was just something I got from my bedroom, so that is why it looks modern, and the table I used was all I had to use.

Really appreciate your honest reply, it was great to read

 

[j1clark@ucsd.edu]

Thanks for your reply as well, I appreciate you finding me these pictures. EVerything I spent on this short film came out of my pocket, I bought the typewriter off ebay for £10, so I wasn't too bothered about the year the typewriter was made, but I fully agree that having a typewriter from the year the film was set would have been better, or I could have actually used my brain for once and just set the film in a time the typewriter would have been used. The desk lamp was just something I got from my bedroom, so that is why it looks modern, and the table I used was all I had to use.

Really appreciate your honest reply, it was great to read

You can pick up more 'vintage' typers from Ebay.de. Zee Chermans frequently put up typewriters for 1 euro starting bid. EU shipping is often under 10 Euro. To the US it's 47 euros... So I've gotten a few for 'cheap' price but expensive shipping... And at the distances you were shooting at one would never notice if the typer were a 'QWERTZ' and not a 'QWERTY' configuration.

For 'close rooms' I'd start thinking about ladders and perhaps some 'bugs eye views'.

 

[Sunk99]

Loved the opening CU of the typewriter keys.
The lamp in the scene is too modern for 41.
Is that typewriter a early 40s version? I think that is from the 60s.
You started out in color then went to sepia, then back to color - odd.
The spin in "black mask" and others were also too modern - need aged.
Agree with prior comment on the drinking - too much and not possible by volume.
Forehead bled onto paper but his forehead is not bleeding?
Why is he wearing a hat and suit inside typing?
At 2:41 the keys are flying, but he was a pick typer.
VO talking about love interest, but showing Bogart. Shouldn't this have shown a female?
Gun smoke excessive.
Big knife in back (hard to see), why the gun then?
Great VO.
Agree on cinematography - needed more angles for interest.
Good start look forward to more.