combatentropy
Veteran
I don't. However there is evidence to suggest that not everyone feels that way.
Disagreement causes in me a visceral response that is like a mild form of PTSD. I'm naturally diplomatic. I believe personality is partly genetic, the Myers-Briggs system seems uncannily accurate, and I most resonate with the description of the INFJ. But I also believe personality is partly environmental. Almost every evening of my childhood, my parents fought like cats and dogs. Thankfully, it was usually only verbal. I remember only one time it turned to physical violence, and no one was hurt bad. Anyway, because of both nature and nurture, when someone disagrees with me, my impulse is to make amends immediately. If I witness two people arguing, I want to step in and help them find common ground as soon as possible, lest there be bloodshed.
Nevertheless, my public policy is something like, "All opinions are mine and subject to fallibility. If you notice an error, please reply and our office will rectify the situation immediately." I'm sure everyone here has the same public policy. Often I have seen you append it like a disclaimer, something like, "I think the movie was awful, but hey it's just my opinion, and you're welcome to disagree."
That's the civilized attitude, but I have a hard time believing you really feel that way deep down. I have a hard time believing that, when someone contradicts you, you don't feel one of two negative emotions: (1) shame, which is what I feel immediately, and try to defend myself, or (2) anger, which is what my father often showed. He seemed always to be confusing disagreement with disrespect. When I contradict someone, I can't help assuming that I am making them mad at me, because that is the natural human response (unless you have been abused like me, in which case you are more likely to feel shame).
This assumption of mine, that everyone hates to be argued with, is brought into question from time to time. For example, there are people who outright state that they are energized by a good argument, or that time they got into a knock-down-drag-out fight with someone and now are best friends. (This would definitely not happen to me. I would avoid the person for the rest of my life.) The Myers-Briggs personality theory lists such types (for example, the ENTP) and goes on to say that each type argues in their own way. Also on this forum I have watched two people argue and think to myself, "Man, that's too bad, now they hate each other." But then to my surprise they are joking with each other a day or two later.
This has some practical application on this board. As you may have noticed, there is a lot of argument. A wise moderator on another board, Hacker News, suggests that forums are in fact fueled by debate. On internet forums such as this one, there is also debate about debate, complaints that someone is being rude or harsh. We saw that recently in the thread about Dune. Strangely, OldCorpse, your tone doesn't bother me. Nevertheless, I hesitate to contradict you, for the reasons cited above. The others have a point in that a logical response to someone like you saying, "that guy is a total hack", as opposed to "I kinda-sorta don't like some of the things that director does", is that you don't want to engage in argument. It will get ugly, so they had best not bother. This is because if someone contradicts a strongly held belief, you are more likely to reflexively feel anger than if someone contradicts a lightly held belief. Still like I said, your words don't bother me, maybe because I hate the philosophy of relativism. It may be that things look to be shades of gray, but decisions are black and white: Yes/No. I will go see this movie, or I will not go see this movie. Commentary that doesn't beat around the bush makes these myriad decisions easier (for better or worse).
The other practical application is that often I want to debate someone but hesitate. Already I argue more than you would guess I would (if anyone was tracking me). Like I said, I am introverted. Introverts tend to be bookish. Bookish people tend to care about factual accuracy. This is me:
I hate arguing, but I also can't stand to see misinformation persist. It is the whole meaning behind my username. So I find myself often wanting to chime in, in a futile attempt to rid the world of error, but at the same time hesitating because I don't want to cause anyone unnecessary stress.
So, tell me, how do you really feel when someone argues with you?
Disagreement causes in me a visceral response that is like a mild form of PTSD. I'm naturally diplomatic. I believe personality is partly genetic, the Myers-Briggs system seems uncannily accurate, and I most resonate with the description of the INFJ. But I also believe personality is partly environmental. Almost every evening of my childhood, my parents fought like cats and dogs. Thankfully, it was usually only verbal. I remember only one time it turned to physical violence, and no one was hurt bad. Anyway, because of both nature and nurture, when someone disagrees with me, my impulse is to make amends immediately. If I witness two people arguing, I want to step in and help them find common ground as soon as possible, lest there be bloodshed.
Nevertheless, my public policy is something like, "All opinions are mine and subject to fallibility. If you notice an error, please reply and our office will rectify the situation immediately." I'm sure everyone here has the same public policy. Often I have seen you append it like a disclaimer, something like, "I think the movie was awful, but hey it's just my opinion, and you're welcome to disagree."
That's the civilized attitude, but I have a hard time believing you really feel that way deep down. I have a hard time believing that, when someone contradicts you, you don't feel one of two negative emotions: (1) shame, which is what I feel immediately, and try to defend myself, or (2) anger, which is what my father often showed. He seemed always to be confusing disagreement with disrespect. When I contradict someone, I can't help assuming that I am making them mad at me, because that is the natural human response (unless you have been abused like me, in which case you are more likely to feel shame).
This assumption of mine, that everyone hates to be argued with, is brought into question from time to time. For example, there are people who outright state that they are energized by a good argument, or that time they got into a knock-down-drag-out fight with someone and now are best friends. (This would definitely not happen to me. I would avoid the person for the rest of my life.) The Myers-Briggs personality theory lists such types (for example, the ENTP) and goes on to say that each type argues in their own way. Also on this forum I have watched two people argue and think to myself, "Man, that's too bad, now they hate each other." But then to my surprise they are joking with each other a day or two later.
This has some practical application on this board. As you may have noticed, there is a lot of argument. A wise moderator on another board, Hacker News, suggests that forums are in fact fueled by debate. On internet forums such as this one, there is also debate about debate, complaints that someone is being rude or harsh. We saw that recently in the thread about Dune. Strangely, OldCorpse, your tone doesn't bother me. Nevertheless, I hesitate to contradict you, for the reasons cited above. The others have a point in that a logical response to someone like you saying, "that guy is a total hack", as opposed to "I kinda-sorta don't like some of the things that director does", is that you don't want to engage in argument. It will get ugly, so they had best not bother. This is because if someone contradicts a strongly held belief, you are more likely to reflexively feel anger than if someone contradicts a lightly held belief. Still like I said, your words don't bother me, maybe because I hate the philosophy of relativism. It may be that things look to be shades of gray, but decisions are black and white: Yes/No. I will go see this movie, or I will not go see this movie. Commentary that doesn't beat around the bush makes these myriad decisions easier (for better or worse).
The other practical application is that often I want to debate someone but hesitate. Already I argue more than you would guess I would (if anyone was tracking me). Like I said, I am introverted. Introverts tend to be bookish. Bookish people tend to care about factual accuracy. This is me:
I hate arguing, but I also can't stand to see misinformation persist. It is the whole meaning behind my username. So I find myself often wanting to chime in, in a futile attempt to rid the world of error, but at the same time hesitating because I don't want to cause anyone unnecessary stress.
So, tell me, how do you really feel when someone argues with you?
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). I keed, I keed
