Critique my short scene?

[REHov520]

Hi,

Would anyone care to give comments/critiques on a brief scene for my science-fiction series? Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks! It can be found here:

www.ariehovenkamp.com

(Go to "Demon City" and play the scene from Part 2)

-Arie

 

[Kevin Lee]

I like the screen in the background. The boy he was referring to looks nothing like a mean terrorist. He looks like a 15 year old kid wanting to go grind his skateboard. That just didnt fit for me. Also, There was something funny about the guys standing there watching it. Like a scene from power rangers or something. They looked bored, maybe a couple of tighter shots or side shots of them thrown in there would help.....

 

[REHov520]

Very valid points. I will see what I can do about adding more variety to the shots of the listeners. Any other comments?