"Contact"

MrKilloran

MrKilloran

Well-known member
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"We've made Contact, a menace from another world"

A professor, brought to a secret military base, must study an alien entity... and stop it from destroying our world.


My entry is gonna be an excerpt, the first six pages, of a short alien thing I wrote. It's in the vein of the old 50's black and white movies.
 
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I read your first post before I wrote this, and it does feel like an excerpt.

I loved the Wise character, had a really quirky thing going on, a bit Dr Emmet Brown, mixed with a touch of Indiana.

I thought the alien and his powers came across a bit close to MIB. Maybe just me.

I think the total piece would be something Id like to read, as I said I really liked Wise and want to hang with him some more.
 
Noel Evans said:
I think the total piece would be something Id like to read, as I said I really liked Wise and want to hang with him some more.
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Thanks a lot! Wise was so fun to write, his quirks were something I really wanted to get across and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
 
On the first read, I found the Prof to be a little too quirky, but going back, I can see how the right actor could make it work. I definitely saw some Indy in there, both "Crystal Skull" after he linked with the alien (and I liked "Crystal Skull," so that's meant as a compliment, just so you know :) ) and "Raiders" in his final solution; and I also saw some classic Doctor Who in the line "Yes actually, but I suggest, we talk about it after we flee with the utmost haste."

I think you did a good job of writing this both as a teaser for the longer project but also making it work within the page limit.
 
This was an adventurous jaunt with some quirky lines. You definitely accomplished a 50's style for the piece.

I would like to see it take a little more to kill A-Harry than one gunshot.

It felt like something I might have watched on Creature Feature on a Saturday afternoon when I was a kid (ah the good old days)
 
I echo the 50's feel came across really well though I am not sure how much of a B-movie you want this to be. I felt some of the dialog was a bit hokey (for lack of a better word). To me Wise came across as one of those cheese characters you see in B-movies, kind of like a Bruce Campbell character. If that was what you were going for than you nailed it.

I also echo the MIB feel to the alien attack scene.

Overall a good read where you were able to pull off exactly what you were going for though the ending was a bit to sudden.
 
This script would work well as an "homage" type script to the old "They Came From Outer Space" kinda movies. Good classic feel to it. With the right production design, you could really have some fun with it.

It seems like a fairly straight forward script, pretty much open and shut, but I'm sure it was modified due to the length requirement.

It's got potential for some great action scenes, too. While reading the alien escaping I had the scene from Spiderman 2 in my head when Doc Ock breaks out of the operating room. Imagine all the cool and gross ways an alien could take a person out...
 
U can write for sure!
the only issue I had with the script was at the end when Wise said,

"not all the world is filled with madmen and wild dogs." and then three lines later he shots Harry!
LOL!
 
You did a good job. Nice writing. I also thought of Indiana Jones and MIB while reading this.

Few minor questions: How did the General know that "Harry" was really the alien? And, if Wise understood everything that was going on, why did he have to ask "why us?".

But those are VERY minor things and they didn't impact my enjoyment of the script. Just after-thoughts. :)
 
Very good visuals you painted here. Very descriptive, I had no problem seeing what was going on, aside from the part where it seemed all the sudden your character was gripping a broken window frame. Seemed to just jump to that part. At anyrate you have an entertaining high budget short here. The ending left a little to be desired. Seemed to abrupt. Did you cut this down a lot? Anyways other than that, real good swift read.
 
STYLZ said:
The ending left a little to be desired. Seemed to abrupt. Did you cut this down a lot?
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Yes, the end of this should be seen as a "to be continued..." or cliffhanger because Its more of an excerpt from a much longer script.
 
Nothing too bad to say about this one. Its a good story worthy of more than six pages to do it justice. I liked Wise's character. Harry was a little underdeveloped for being the new host. I didnt feel too much for his loss. Good story and I was able to see it well as I read it.
 
Pauly, I'm glad you enjoyed the campiness and noticed the feel I was going for

Tharley, You're right, Harry really does get shorthanded in this version.
 
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