CLIP AND GRABS from SHORT FILM

Two comments for you:

1) the dialogue was missing something for me. You had all the essentials there to communicate what's happening, but in a real life situation, there would probably be some nervous conversation leading up to that "so, when can i see you again" conversation...maybe you could include some of that before we get to the dialogue you've got. Not sure if I am making this point very well. The dialogue just sounded too scripted to me, that's all.

2) the song fit well, but i'd fade it up a tad slower, so i can better understand that last line the girl says.

Other than that (and the stuff that's already been mentioned), I thought it looked great. Nice composition and exposure. Looking forward to the rest of it.
 
It might make it more interesting if we get more reactions shots(of the person who is not talking) in your cuts. I found the most interesting shot to be the one when you kept the camera on her after she was done speaking and he began speaking. It would reveal character, and maybe add some more depth to the scene. good luck.
 
Alright, I had to watch it about ten times before I could concentrate on anything other than the girl...

and I'm still having a hard time :happy:

I agree that the acting seems forced/unnatural and that probably has to do a bit with the dialog as written, also the deliver seems a little stinted. I recently shot something in which the actor had to deliver some pretty intense dialog in a difficult situation. I did like thirty takes.. I know a bit much, but he had to get to a certain place, which he eventually did. Your job, is to guide your actors to the place they need to be to pull this off, and you haven't gotten them their yet. The girl is closer than the guy. I just don't feel that they're in the emotional space for what their saying.

I was working with someone who was a non-actor and here's what I did. I know him pretty well, so I constructed a backstory for the character that touched on some emotional aspects of his own life. We talked about this quite a bit, and rehearsed it, and eventually it came together.

Matt
 
Once Sidney Lumet was having a hard time with Marlon Brando (known for always nailing takes at first), because he was having a personal problem and it was keeping him from remembering a line. He shot 37 takes, went deep into extra hours for the crew and eventually got it... Nice story, I wish it was mine... :(
 
I also think that for the scene you showed, it was very efficiently shot. Not going extreme on the close ups, not overdoing camera positions. Simple two shot and master, nice to see people still do that...
 
Great work overall, I like the cutting.

However, two things stuck out to me.

One, they both walk outside and stop "at their mark" - like they were told, stand here when you get outside, it feels unnatural.

As for the dialogue, I don't have a problem with what they are saying, but if you learn anything about writing/storytelling learn this:

Scenes must have conflict. It can be funny conflict or serious conflict, but without conflict scenes are deadly.

Best of luck with the rest of it,

Chris
 
Okay... well to avoid a reshoot the dialogue could be fixed with tighter editing. You can do cross-audio overlaps and cut out the pauses... at least for one of the characters. The way it is right now, it's a bit unnatural in flow.

After watching it a second time, the tight editing suggest above would work for the girl. I personally can see it working and making things flow a lot cleaner. I know your intensions were to show both of them as being nervous, but a girl like that is bound to know she's a hot mamacita and doesn't need to be nervous.

$.02
 
I had problems with the WMV again, but I got the QT version.

I liked it! pretty neat, I agree with the critiques you've gotten already so I won't go into those.

You're lucky, I have trouble finding beautiful people up here, good looking actors aren't easy to come by. But hey, sergio leone didn't have any pretty people so I guess I need to do an alaskan western:grin:
 
the wmv was fine here frame rate wise, but why up rez to 720p? (a 16:9 res) perhaps 960x720 or 1280x960 would have been a better res to choose for 4:3 video, as i could then watch it full screen on a 4:3 monitor....but i still don't understand up-rezzing anyway :)


anyways, keep up the good work, i enjoyed what i saw hehe, just got confused as to why it was rendered like that.
 
dj200423 said:
You can do cross-audio overlaps and cut out the pauses... at least for one of the characters. The way it is right now, it's a bit unnatural in flow.
Click to expand...

I'd second the recommendation for an L cut or two to break up the tennis match a little.
 
Okay; you didn't ask but what's a screengrab without me getting my grimy little paws on em? Slieght S16 Vibe with Crushing of Levels. Split for a before and after comparison


ava3oa.jpg


girl3zw.jpg


watch1ji.jpg
 
Nice John! I might even do what John did and desaturate that just a TINY smidge, otherwise their skin looks like it's made of carrots
 
Lol yeah usually the rule of thumb is to make sure skin looks like skin and blacks look like black othr than that you are free to do whatever. So I know I have to do some CC but I think the DVX has a nice natural look I don't want to mess with too too much.
 
hey man it looks good. i think the acting is ok, they pull off shy well. without knowing what else happensin the short, its hard to comment on what they should or shouldnt be like.

anyway, visualy its very clean. you seem to have the data there so that you can get a really really nice color correction...so good job on that man. i definitly feels like you would want some warmth and some contrast to pull the blacks up.

shot wise i agree that the crane shot is funky. all the other shots are fine. though, it would be nice to have more "dirty overs" with the camera tighter and more over their shoulders. also if you are closer and more engaged in the dialog their eyelines willbe tighter to the lens...seems like that might enhance the drama a bit...rather then being so far away and off to the side. anyway, just something you may want to check out when you shoot other scenes...

the only thing i would say about the edit is that overlaping dialog is a good thing...being on one persons face/reaction while the other is talking with their head away from us can be interesting. you should at elast take a look at that. you dont always have to cut to the person talking. which you did most of the time, one cut in there held on the actors reaction while the other spoke...which was nice...just try it and see.

anyway, dude, congrats on DOING it man. well done...

peace
 
1.i would have the establishing shot be a little longer.

2.bump up the audio levels

3.play with the color temperature, it looks a little too flat for me.

other than that i like it. the girl is amazingly hawtness.
 
I have to say while the acting and positioning of the actors looks a little staged, for the most part the production looks really solid. Your lighting looks good, and except for that wobble, the crane shot looks really good too.
A few suggestions. To make the first two shots mesh together more smoothely, you could either keep on the crane shot and have it stop on them then cut to either the medium 2 shot or the OTS. Or you can cut where you did on the crane shot and then go to your M2S but have the shot slightly moving with the actors before they stop. This will make the cuts smoother by not going from a moving shot straight to a still shot.
You also might want to have the guy say something while she is walking to get her to stop naturally.
Other then those minor qualms (correct spelling?) I think this looks really good and would like to see more of it. Especially scenes from the screen grabs you posted.

Is this what you shot in Fairfield. Damn, wish I could have helped, it looked fun.
Anyways, keep posting I want to see more.
-Justin
 
CC is interesting. I look at it on my comp. monitor and it looks right, I look at it on my TV which is connected to the comp at the same time and it looks over saturated. How do we know what is what!?
 
how you got you tv montior connected. i need to do that. only at the studio i use a sony monitor which is pro grade. but for my home i need to use a normal tv.
 
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