Clients From Hell
- Thread starter David Saraceno
- Start date
Hawk Teflon
Veteran
Ha ha! Great find. "Graphisize it." I get that request.
dotconnproductions
Well-known member
Love it!
Some of my favs:
But I loved this one... sigh so close to home.
Client: ”I love the job you did! Thanks so much!”
Me: ”Great! Best of luck with it! I sent you the invoice. We did more than what we had agreed to and did not charge you for it.”
Client: ”Yes, and as soon as I get your expenses, I will pay you.”
Me: ”What do you mean by our expenses?”
Client: ”Well, I need to get what you paid for materials, etc. so I know if what you are charging me is fair.”
Me: ”But we agreed to a price and you agreed to it and thought it was fair, we delivered more than the price we agreed to and you love it? I’m not going to give you what we paid for materials, printing, etc? When you go to a restaurant and order a meal and eat it, do you ask for the price of the lobster and ingredients when the bill comes before you’ll pay?”
Client: ”What I do or do not do in restaurants is not relevant. First of all, I never order lobster. Second, you don’t understand how business works. You really need to understand business better. I won’t pay until I see what your costs were.
----
Client: “I studied design, so basically I know what I want.”
Me: “Sure, now what do you want exactly?”
Client: “Your the designer, you come up with the idea, but for your sake, it better match up with my idea.”
Me: [Astonished Silence]
-----
Client: ”We like your proposal and enthusiam, but we really can’t afford you. How much would you charge to rent out your computer?”
Me: ”Excuse me?”
Client: ”Our Sales Manager is pretty creative. We could just have him come to your office on a Saturday or something and knock this thing out.”
Me: ”You don’t want to hire me, but instead want to… rent… my computer??”
Client: ”Yeah. And you could be there. You know, to give him some tips if he gets stuck. Maybe toss in a creative idea or two. In fact, we’ll do all of the work and still use your creative ideas. It’s a win-win!”
-----
“I need you to render me a banana.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
“No, not a banana - the taste of the banana.”
------
"It’s like Facebook, but for dogs."
-----
Scene: Trendy restaurant in NYC, we are sitting with our prospective client who is with her “marketing consultant” at a dinner meeting. Prospective client has already downed two drinks in rapid fashion.
Client: “Our product is going to become ubiquitous in the marketplace. We need millions of customers.”
Us: “That is great, how do you plan to achieve this goal?”
Marketing Consultant: “We are going to use the power of the web.”
Client: “Yes we want you to help us harness the ‘power of the web’ to get this product out there.”
Us: “Can you be more specific? There are many tactics…….”
Client: “The power of the web is it.”
Us: The “power of the web??”
-----
Client: “Make the numbers in our phone number capitalized to stand out more”
Me: “That’s not possible…”
Client: “Just hold the SHIFT key and type our phone number!”
-----
http://yvettesbridalformal.com/index.htm
crazy client site:
Some of my favs:
But I loved this one... sigh so close to home.
Client: ”I love the job you did! Thanks so much!”
Me: ”Great! Best of luck with it! I sent you the invoice. We did more than what we had agreed to and did not charge you for it.”
Client: ”Yes, and as soon as I get your expenses, I will pay you.”
Me: ”What do you mean by our expenses?”
Client: ”Well, I need to get what you paid for materials, etc. so I know if what you are charging me is fair.”
Me: ”But we agreed to a price and you agreed to it and thought it was fair, we delivered more than the price we agreed to and you love it? I’m not going to give you what we paid for materials, printing, etc? When you go to a restaurant and order a meal and eat it, do you ask for the price of the lobster and ingredients when the bill comes before you’ll pay?”
Client: ”What I do or do not do in restaurants is not relevant. First of all, I never order lobster. Second, you don’t understand how business works. You really need to understand business better. I won’t pay until I see what your costs were.
----
Client: “I studied design, so basically I know what I want.”
Me: “Sure, now what do you want exactly?”
Client: “Your the designer, you come up with the idea, but for your sake, it better match up with my idea.”
Me: [Astonished Silence]
-----
Client: ”We like your proposal and enthusiam, but we really can’t afford you. How much would you charge to rent out your computer?”
Me: ”Excuse me?”
Client: ”Our Sales Manager is pretty creative. We could just have him come to your office on a Saturday or something and knock this thing out.”
Me: ”You don’t want to hire me, but instead want to… rent… my computer??”
Client: ”Yeah. And you could be there. You know, to give him some tips if he gets stuck. Maybe toss in a creative idea or two. In fact, we’ll do all of the work and still use your creative ideas. It’s a win-win!”
-----
“I need you to render me a banana.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
“No, not a banana - the taste of the banana.”
------
"It’s like Facebook, but for dogs."
-----
Scene: Trendy restaurant in NYC, we are sitting with our prospective client who is with her “marketing consultant” at a dinner meeting. Prospective client has already downed two drinks in rapid fashion.
Client: “Our product is going to become ubiquitous in the marketplace. We need millions of customers.”
Us: “That is great, how do you plan to achieve this goal?”
Marketing Consultant: “We are going to use the power of the web.”
Client: “Yes we want you to help us harness the ‘power of the web’ to get this product out there.”
Us: “Can you be more specific? There are many tactics…….”
Client: “The power of the web is it.”
Us: The “power of the web??”
-----
Client: “Make the numbers in our phone number capitalized to stand out more”
Me: “That’s not possible…”
Client: “Just hold the SHIFT key and type our phone number!”
-----
http://yvettesbridalformal.com/index.htm
crazy client site:
Mark Harris
Pain in the ass
I dunno, you'd think the guy would've learned to suss out a bad client by now.
But I guess when you're dealing in the sub=$1K website business, you might have a higher percentage of flakes and weirdos.
But I guess when you're dealing in the sub=$1K website business, you might have a higher percentage of flakes and weirdos.
Loren Simons
DVXuser Sponsor
My favorite:
Client: ”Obviously we need the site to be deeply spiritual. The use of a cross is obvious and although perhaps over-used we would like to go with that… Also perhaps some Saints, figurines… You get the idea?”
Designer: ”Do you have any specific Saint’s in mind?”
Client: ”No, just run with it… after all we all worship the same god right?”
Designer: ”Actually no, I am atheist. Is this a problem?”
Client: ”Oh, erm, you´re one of THEM are you? Hmm that is a problem… people who abandon the word of god are in league with the Devil, and if you designed our site… well, it would make it sinful, a place of deception… No… erm, maybe you would like to discuss your hatred of God? Then perhaps I could convince you of the true path.”
Designer: ”I cannot hate something which does not exist.”
Client: ”I see. No, we need a designer who is…you know, not in league with the devil.”
It's like textsfromlastnight or fml but better lol
Client: ”Obviously we need the site to be deeply spiritual. The use of a cross is obvious and although perhaps over-used we would like to go with that… Also perhaps some Saints, figurines… You get the idea?”
Designer: ”Do you have any specific Saint’s in mind?”
Client: ”No, just run with it… after all we all worship the same god right?”
Designer: ”Actually no, I am atheist. Is this a problem?”
Client: ”Oh, erm, you´re one of THEM are you? Hmm that is a problem… people who abandon the word of god are in league with the Devil, and if you designed our site… well, it would make it sinful, a place of deception… No… erm, maybe you would like to discuss your hatred of God? Then perhaps I could convince you of the true path.”
Designer: ”I cannot hate something which does not exist.”
Client: ”I see. No, we need a designer who is…you know, not in league with the devil.”
It's like textsfromlastnight or fml but better lol
Pretty sure that the posts on that site are from submissions, not from a lone person.
+1
ilauzirika
Boring Senior Member
Thanks! I love webpages like this or notalwaysright.com