"Classified Intelligence": Take 2--My Undead film...

Michael Anthony Horrigan said:
It's not that. I don't need to see her going back to the trunk. I need to see him closing it. Or at least what looks like a real attempt to close it.
As is it really looks like he's leaving it open. On purpose.

It can be fixed I'm sure.

Cheers,
Click to expand...

Hah, clever MAH. Nothing gets past you. ;-)

OK, full disclosure. On that 'left open trunk shot', I was getting to the point where my actors needed to leave in a couple of hours, so I basically ripped up the last three pages of the script (Charli just loooves it when I do that) and improvised an alternate ending. I knew I wasn't going to be able to do pickups anytime soon and it was going to snow in a few days. (yes, Utah is like that in October) Basically, just trying to have some kind of film in the can.

Very cliche'--something is in the trunk when she gets back to the car. Opens it, screams, BAM, camera on the ground with scarf falling on it. What I filmed was kinda funny, but not very effective so I scrapped it. (on a side note, just after shooting her scream moment, I jumped into the HUGE Chevy trunk with mic and recorder and got a lot of funny foley) Glad no one decided to play a prank and go driving with me in it. (although sound might've been killer, haha)

I had tried to make it look like he just didn't give it a good thwunk to close it, and leave me an opening for an alternative abduction. hehe

No conspiracy, just my clumsiness. :)
 
I haven't read the other reviews - these are just my thoughts.

I loved the look of this. Wonderful master shots (although if I'm not mistaken you repeat the shot of them driving past the same tree). I also really love the style of the film. I thought both your actors were very good. I liked the music too, but I wish it felt a bit more period in style (like the film).

I'm just not sure I get the story here. It feels like a snippet from something much larger. I have so many unanswered questions, in the end it was intriguing, but I don't know how satisfying it was.
 
Thank you, Chris. It's homage to that period and of course to "War of the Worlds." Thank you for watching.
 
Great car, great wardrobe. Not sure if the actors were quite age appropriate. I liked the dynamic between husband and wife. The cgi was good also...so quick though but that worked. Overall I think you did a great job.

So the radio audio was the actual Orson Wells broadcast b/c I was like 'whoa, how did they get a v/o like that and then how did they tweak the audio!'
 
Im doing quick reviews.

Elton - great job on the time period. The clothes, the car, the fields - I was whisked away. Felt great. I would have loved if she nonchalantly lost a scarf as the car flew by and it drifted (in slow mo) - me rambling and probably too romantic - but I only felt that because the feel was just right.

There were a few components that felt a little rushed or last minute - I know that feeling.

My biggest gripe was the opening discussion was pure backstory. And, this is probably just my perception, but a special agent or "spook" wouldnt tell his superior "spooks" he's eloping? I mean theres no cell phones you couldnt just drop off the face of the earth? But to cover that he said "the office sent me a wire before he left the hotel", so they must have know what he's doing - MY point - he just got married, send someone else? And so Ok lets say theres no one else. Why on earth would you take your new bride?

I felt like I was being fed information and at times other bits of information to cover a question that could arise.

Small things overall however.
 
Noel - no, it's all good. We can't change the story in post, however, is only problem. The office would know he got married, but no one is allowed from the agency to tell their wives they're spies, he however broke that rule which reveals something about him. The wire, the way things were communicated back then through Western Union, just wanted him to go check something out.

He stated they get pranks all the time. The home office didn't consider it something "important" but something that needed to be looked into. Of course the home office would know where he was, hence if you go with that assumption, it would make sense for him to look into it.

There's a fine line between too much exposition and not enough in a short. It's a hit and miss. I either gave you enough or not enough. I mostly hoped you would "assume" most of it.

As for the scarf, yeah, I asked for a "scarf in the wind" on the second pass of filming, but Elton ran out of sun. The thought was there, though, Noel.
 
Mobie - for the film festival the radio broadcast will sound better. I'll submit a thread how it all went down.
 
Unclassified Unintelligent Comments

Unclassified Unintelligent Comments

Yeah OK - being an alien (as least according to Homeland Security), I felt remarkably qualified to provide some comments on this. I have not read the other posts as so forgive me if I am repeating others' views or if I have just got it totally wrong.

Here are the good bits:
  • The photography was great. Really nice job (I love cranes)
  • The sound was OK - but I am listening on a pair of crappy built-in laptop speakers so perhaps it was cleaner than it should have been
  • The snatch and go shot of the alien was terrific - nicely done (but see balancing view, below)
  • Period pieces are ambitious - hats off (sorry) to you for embarking on this

The are the bits that didn't really grab me:
  • There were bits of the period "dressing" that I was not too sure about - the length of the man's hair (should have been much shorter - tapered?), the use of a button down collar (too casual? - but then again you cleverly anticipated that comment and swapped it out for an arrow collar part way through - losing continuity in the process) and (I really hate to say it) the car didn't look "new" enough
  • I lost the ending. There is the reveal shot with the alien and then there is an intervening shot which was almost totally lost on my screen and then the shot of the flashlight dropping. That intermediate shot was totally lost on me - was he running? Dancing? Standing there? Bummed the ending for me (at least on this horrid screen - and remember that there is LOTS of sun here, so it might be the equipment)
  • It got off to too slow a start. Almost like you fell in love with the car scenes at the expense of the story. You could have gone further faster (story of my life)
  • Why the "creakiness" of the trunk? It was a new car - should have been pristene - or at least oiled. Lose the closeup shots that show the age of the car - cheat it by keeping further away at the expense of the art shots
  • Why not work in some reasons for the events - Why the hat? Why take his bride to hunt for an alien (even if the odds of it being a real one were slim)? Why so glum if it was the happiest day of his life (at least for him) ...?
  • Why was he using the flashlight before it was even dark? That, to me, was weird. Especially after it gets really dark and he's hunting for his bride, the flashlight is off when he returns to the car - at the very moment when presumably he should have wanted it on
  • The "BUM-BUM" music when we have the POV of the creature seeing the bride was a bit over the top for me - sorry

Having said all of that, let's have more, please.

More cranes. More story. More wheat fields.

Less "BUM-BUM"

Well done.

Best,

(I now drop off these boards for another couple of years. Or until I receive another secret signal that I am needed)
 
Elton you've presented this film with great humility, with full recognition of its imperfect state and with a great deal of maturity in listening towards folks critiques of the film and suggestions for improvement.

I don't think there is much more that i can add for the film itself (folks have covered it, the boot scene, odd behavioural traits of the husband/wife) the sumptuous cinematography. Its such a mix of little contradictions and yet it stands out as a unique film in this festival. Great work to your team and i hope the lessons learned from it propel you to kick greater ass on the next movie :)
 
Dahopa - thank you for taking a break for the severe harsh island lifestyle to comment on this short. Wow! I love your critique. You saw things I missed, but I'm too close to it. Thanks, buddy. You simply rock!

Law - thank you for the comments and for watching. We're hoping to make it tighter these next two weeks.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top